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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MN Jury

51 replies

Malachite · 28/04/2011 17:06

Please can you help settle an argument between me and my husband. I am a vegetarian and he is a meat-eater. I don't mind us cooking separate meals or meaty/veggie versions of meals, but I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to eat vegetarian meals some of the time, as much for cost reasons (meat is so expensive) as for the fact it would be nice to just cook one meal sometimes. AIBU?

OP posts:
NettoSuperstar · 28/04/2011 17:52

Oh, I don't buy meat substitutes, because we're not vegetarian, and Quorn gives me raging diarrhoea!

wannaBe · 28/04/2011 17:55

but no-one eats only meat. meat is merely a part of their meal.

I highly doubt that the op serves up a chicken breast or a slab of steak to her dp with no accompanyment? unless he's doing atckins? Wink

wannaBe · 28/04/2011 17:58

and quite aside from that, he's an adult not a child. It is extremely unreasonable for his partner to tell him what he can and cannot eat in his own home.

EggyAllenPoe · 28/04/2011 18:02

equally, as he is an adult not a child, why is being sulky about food?

it's not like he 'needs' meat in his meal?

just he prefers it. surely you don't have to get your preerence all the time, and for convenience sake why doesn't he recognise this?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 28/04/2011 18:04

Of course a meat eater having a vegtarian meal is not the same as a vegetarian having a meat meal - what rubbish!

I can see his point though, if he's prepared to cook something vegetarian for you then you should be prepared to put yourself out for him - however that really only works if you split the cooking 50/50.

AgentZigzag · 28/04/2011 18:06

Is he being sulky about the food though Eggy?

Or is he getting pissed off because the OP's all Sad because he won't do as he's told?

NettoSuperstar · 28/04/2011 18:07

Well quite Eggy.
I can't stand picky, pokey eaters who insist on their favourites at every meal.

amberleaf · 28/04/2011 18:07

*equally, as he is an adult not a child, why is being sulky about food?

it's not like he 'needs' meat in his meal?

just he prefers it.*

Could say the same about the OPs choice to be vegetarian

EggyAllenPoe · 28/04/2011 18:11

OPs choice to be a vegatarian may be based on something stronger than a taste preference.

LaWeasel · 28/04/2011 18:14

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to cook a veggie meal for both of you when it's your turn to cook.

But, IMO, it's entirely his perogative if he chooses to fry some bacon and add it to his portion, and that's not unreasonable either.

JoanofArgos · 28/04/2011 18:14

not unreasonable to expect him to eat something lentil based, or a quiche or something, but personally I'd be annoyed as a meat eater to be presented with meat-substitute like horrible horrible quorn.

darleneconnor · 28/04/2011 18:21

veggie or not no-one should be eating meat every day

DP is veggie, the rest of us aren't. About half the week we eat meals that happen to be veggie but aren't deliberatly so iykwim, eg mac cheese, pizza, omelette, salad, soup

Some things he makes veggie versions of for himself so it's only one lot of cooking and we are broadly having the same thing eg sausages, steak or chicken vs veggie escalopes, burgers,

Others we all have veggie versions of things like curry, stir fry, quorn mince for cottage pie/spag bol, lasagne

wannaBe · 28/04/2011 18:22

from the tone of the Op I would hazard a guess that he's pissed off because a) his partner is dictating to him what he can and cannot eat. and B) because she is clearly trying to force her views on to him re being a vegetarian.

pjmama · 28/04/2011 18:24

In our house, the cook decides! If you don't like what's on the menu, cook your own. Wink

follyfoot · 28/04/2011 18:28

YANBU at all. My DH is a meat eater and I'm a veggie. He often eats meat free meals at home and will sometimes choose them in restaurants.

Veggie meals can be part of a meat eater's normal healthy diet.

MotherSnacker · 28/04/2011 18:37

YANBU I'm not veggie but frequently eat veggie meals for cost and health reasons.

AgentZigzag · 28/04/2011 18:52

Of course they can be follyfoot, if the person wanted to have meat free meals.

CoffeeDodger · 28/04/2011 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 28/04/2011 19:11

I think whoever cooks gets to choose what to make, and everyone else bloody well eats it and is grateful (AND does the washing up). That's the rule in our house anyway. If he wants to cook meat he can do more of the cooking, and he can deal with the problem of cooking separately for you or finding meals that he can serve to you and then add meat to for him.

icooksocks · 28/04/2011 19:18

Sorry but I think YABU, if you want him to eat vegetarian meals then he has every right to want you to eat meat. Your vegetarianism is your choice, it shouldn't be forced on him.

Continuum · 28/04/2011 19:45

YANBU

Don't understand this men and meat thing! It's not exactly some kind of hardship eating a vegetarian meal... well, except for terrible meat substitutes like quorn as stated up thread, that would be unreasonable!!

Original poster
Malachite · 28/04/2011 19:46

Wow! This has got long very quickly! Only have a few mins to post before getting back to baby.

First of all, I'm not forcing anything on DH and neither of us are really pissed off or sulking. I harbour no hopes of him ever becoming a vegetarian and he has no hope of me becoming a meat-eater! We both respect each other's choice. It's more a discussion than an argument really and we're both having fun reading the responses. He is calling all of you who think he IBU hippies.

Expecting him to eat the odd veggie meal is not the same as expecting me to eat meat at all, since I am veggie for moral reasons and he has no moral issue with vegetables! It's just a preference.

I don't expect him to eat meat replacements (though he occasionally stolen bits of my deep fried tofu!). If I'm cooking with quorn anyway then I have no problem with him having chicken or whatever instead, but I would prefer to be able to make meals like a veggie lasagne (with kidney beans for protein) or nachos with cheese and salsa for example. I'm not a huge fan of quorn and usually only eat it to fit in with the meals he likes.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 28/04/2011 19:52

I don't eat meat, DP does.

If I'm cooking (proper cooking with like raw stuff, lol) it's not got meat in it - he can choose to have it or not. (He usually does)

If I'm ovening stuff, I'll do him a meat thing.

He doesn't moan, he'll sometimes cook veggie stuff as well, because it's easier, or sometimes he'll buy meat just for him.

But I do most of the cooking, so it's mostly veggie - he's never moaned about it.

FessaEst · 28/04/2011 20:04

No one in my family was vegetarian when i was growing up, and neither DH nor I are veggie now. However, I would say I eat "vegetarian" meals 75% of the time, mainly for financial reasons. How the average family can afford to make meat the main protein of every meal is surprising to me - when we do buy meat, we aim for free-range/tractor stamped stuff so it is more of an expense.

DH doesn't much like quorn etc, whereas I do not mind, but meals such as pasta and pesto, bean stews/casseroles, lentil bakes, veg/cheese pizzas, enchilladas, egg-fried savoury veg rice, omlettes etc are all just part of our weekly meal plans & I would find it odd for a meat-eater to object to being served something like that purely on the basis that it lacked meat. I don't think YABU, particularly over not wanting to have to create different dishes.

jojowest · 28/04/2011 20:22

if you are willing to eat meat now and again, then you are not being unreasonable expecting him not to eat meat now and again

otherwise, surely its his choice

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