Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

My daughter loves her Daddy more than she loves me

72 replies

Oakmaiden · 27/04/2011 23:03

I know that I am being unreasonable.

But my daughter (7) loves her Daddy best.

I should be pleased that they have such a lovely relationship.

But I'm not. I'm jealous. I gave birth to her, breastfed her, carried her constantly, co slept with her. I'm the one who longed for a daughter. And now she loves him best (apparently she loved me best as a baby, but says now it is her Daddy's turn. For the past 2 years.)

She should love me best.

I know this is unreasonable - but at the same time I still deeply resent it.

OP posts:

SmethwickBelle · 28/04/2011 08:01

I definitely idolise mine whereas my mum is the one who got/gets the tears and tantrums (insofar as a 36 year old has tantrums) . But who am I likely to have the hour long chat to on the phone? Mum.

mankyminks · 28/04/2011 08:08

When my DD1 aged 3 told me for the first time "I hate you" I was distraught. My wise MIL told me not to worry about it as she said " DD1 is so secure in your love she feels able to say what she said in the knowledge you will still love her".

Think about it would you say something like that to someone you love if there was even the slightest chance you might lose their affection?

I think your DD is the same,she knows you love her unconditionally so probably feels she can concentrate her 'love giving' on your DH as she might not be quite so sure in his case.

Totally with Hecate, it might be a desperate bid for his attention.

Original poster

Oakmaiden · 28/04/2011 09:53

That makes me feel a bit better :)

OP posts:

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 28/04/2011 09:56

My mum always says that children and babies don't "love" as adults do, they need and want mum because they need to be looked after and they want affection and to be cared for but they aren't aware of it - mums just "are" iykwim?

tallulahxhunny · 28/04/2011 09:56

ach she loves him best now cos hes her daddy, and she will love him and his credit card when shes a teenager but its you she will love for going shopping with and having girly nights :-) and not to mention when she has her own kids and needs your advice etc x

ShoutyHamster · 28/04/2011 10:18

I'm with Hecate, the first thing that occurred to me is that your (clever and articulate) daughter is verbalising the little bit of uncertainty she has over where she stands in Daddy's affections.

Don't underestimate their perceptiveness- if Daddy spends a lot of time staring at a screen, or plugged into music walking past them hurriedly, they will feel it. And, although to you your attention is focused on making them DO things, the important thing is that they have your attention. It's not about actually doing particular things, more do they feel as if they are at the centre of the world you create, do they have a proper 'place' that is theirs? It sounds as if they do, that they are far more secure of themselves with you - as one other poster described - your daughter is confident enough of your steadfastness to push you off.

I would be feeling sadder if I were the Daddy in this situation, to be honest. It sounds as if she is asking for more than he is giving to her.

forehead · 28/04/2011 10:35

My dc's' love' the parent who gives them what they want on a particular day.
I prefer to be the 'unloved 'parent, because as others have said you get less hassle.
I agree with the posters who suggest that your dd is crying out for her dad's attention.

Domino06 · 06/08/2012 15:55

For me it is slightly more complicated. My six year old's father has never had anything to do with her. We live with my sister and her partner, as a house share as it's rented. My sister has no children and has always said she doesn't want them. My daughter seems to be somewhat obsessed with my sister. My sister does show her a lot of love, but no more than I do, and is often too tired or stressed to give my daughter any attention. However, my daughter does a lot of what's described above -runs to meet her but pretty much ignores me, gives all her drawings and craft done at school to Auntie, has to sit next to Auntie all the time when we go out, and would probably sleep in the bed with Auntie if Uncle didn't put his foot down. She isn't like that with him, funnily enough, even though he's been a father figure to her.

Like Oakmaiden, I feel very saddened by this. I don't want her not to love my sister but I'd like her to be like that with me sometimes. It isn't helpful to hear stuff like 'he's better with kids than you are' or 'you're insecure etc etc'.

For the record, my sister and I are very close, are 6 years apart in age so never really had any rivalry and our parents loved us equally. I definitely don't feel jealousy as such, but, like you say, sadness. I hope it is a phase and that it will pass.

RaisinDEritrea · 06/08/2012 16:39

Jeez what IS it with the zombie threads today

SHEESH

FeakAndWeeble · 06/08/2012 16:40

How do people find them? [baffled]

My old threads are never dug up and sprinkled with fresh life

Mrsjay · 06/08/2012 17:08

It is swings and roundabouts with dads and daughters you need to get a grip i(n the nicest way of course) by the time she is a teenager they could be clashing and fighting and he could be mourning the loss of his little girl , would you prefer she loved YOU more,

Mrsjay · 06/08/2012 17:08

OH FGS i need to learn to read bloody dates dont i

AdoraBell · 06/08/2012 17:12

One of mine used to say this, OH was horrified and hugely offended on my behalf but I just accepted that she feels what she feels. No big deal for me as long as she was happy.

RightBuggerforit · 06/08/2012 17:22

I know how you feel op. My dd (only 2 and a half!) loves daddy more as well. Its not that i wish she loved him less, not at all, i am really happy about their relationship and how great a parent he is. Its just that i wish she loved me that much!

MrMiyagi · 06/08/2012 20:40

I pity your daughter and partner.

MrMiyagi · 06/08/2012 20:40

Jeez this is an old thread, signing out

rubberglove · 06/08/2012 22:38

Absolutely Chandon. This may sound weird and Freudian, but my father was my first crush. At 8, just before I stepped into the realm of real crushes, I idolised him and wanted to marry him.

Of course I didn't know what marriage really meant. But I remember thinking I loved him more, he was my favourite.

Not true now

Lucyellensmum99 · 06/08/2012 22:47

OP, are you me? my DD (also 7) ADORES her daddy, he is the one who buys her nice things (i have no money of my own so i cant) he is the one who lets her do as she pleases and lets her stay up late - im mean horrible mummy who doesn't let her have too much coke, makes her go to bed and makes her do her homework. I feel very much the outsider in the family :(

Lucyellensmum99 · 06/08/2012 22:48

fucking zombie threads

JollyHockeyStick · 06/08/2012 22:55

Don't worry about it, please. I've always thought i had a wonderful relationship with my dad, and I do, but over the last few years I've realised just how great my relationship with my mum is and always has been.

I don't think I became a parent to have a small person love me. I am a parent trying to do my best for my child. It would be nice at some point in his life if he looks back and recognises that I did try my best, but that's not what it's about.

I can understand why you're hurt though, OP. Have a non-mn hug from me :)

JollyHockeyStick · 06/08/2012 22:56

Fuck sake. That'll teach me not to read to the end.

Momwhodoesitall · 26/03/2024 22:49

Omg this post is like 13yrs old but I can relate! I am thankful you posted this because it's how I'm feeling and good to know I'm not alone. Some of the replies it received are absurd. Hope life is great for you guys now❤️

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread