to think that PND is an explanation but not an excuse.

[Northernlurker]

Ths is not a thread about a thread but it is inspired by something that I have read on here again and again and heard in RL as well.
Basically PND is mentioned as the excuse for whatever undesirable behaviour the poster has engaged in. AIBU to be pissed off about this because:

1. Fundamentally PND - or any mental illness - is not a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card. It may explain why you have acted as you did but bad behaviour is still bad and has consequences which you must bear.

2)Effectively saying PND 'made' me do this damages the reputation of all sufferers and increases discrimination against mental illness.

By all means mention it - but be clear it is as a part of an explanation. It is not the whole story and it's not the end of the conversation!

AIBU?

Some people play on the illness to get sympathy or to get their own way. That is wrong. However many others dont. That is what makes it hard for ohers.

Oh bugger off.

YABU

Have you had PND? Obviously not.

I didnt realise I had it initially, and had said, thought and did some terrible hurtful things to the people I loved most but in my head I was being totally rational and they were all against me. I cant really remember what I felt as such, but I know I truly believed that it was everyone else who had the problem, not me.

I finally went to the docs and was put on ADs and now I feel fucking embarassed and ashamed when I remember the odd 'episode' I had and the things I said. Luckily the people arouind me were a lot more understanding than you obviously are.

Reading your post stating that people have to take responsibility for their actions beacuse you do made me cry.

Anyone with PND reading that would just be made to feel worse and to go lower in to themselves and the people who have not gone to the doctor would not go as you said it was their fault. That is not only dangarous for the person with PND but also the Husband trying to keep things together and the children that person is looking after.

People can do horrible things when suffering for illness but once they are better they remeber what they have done and living with that guilt is almost as bad as the illness it self. Is that not punishment enought?

Would you like me to tell you what happened to me then you can tell me how you think i should be held accountable for my actions?

sympathy card for mental illness.hollow laugh

mental illness,is stigmatised,demonised and misunderstood,and no doesnt always elicit a poor you sympathy

far from it

There is no sympathy card for MH.

I dislike the way people online are constantly diagnosing other posters with PND. It sometimes happens on MNs it happens daily on NMs.

I dont mean it is suggested, it is actually diagnosed.

I have reactive depression. It can make me act in lots of ways. I can be insular and very spiky. Its not ok. I have DCs and an OH. Its not acceptable for me to behave in a way that makes them unhappy. BUT I am in control of my actions and some people with MH issues are not.

Similarly my OH has MS. He is in pain all the time. This can make him miserable and snappy. I understand this and I sympathise. However I am not prepared to live with someone who is constantly miserable and snappy. Its not fair on me or the children. He has to manage his moods in the same way I have to manage mine. We have to find ways of coping. We want a life, not an existance IYSWIM.

yes some on mn are prone to guesstimates and online diagnosis

as well meaning as people think they are being,nothing matches a face to face assessment,social and medical history,and actually someone to look and listen to another person intently

I'm not sure what OP and others are saying.

If a person has MH issues that mean that they behave in a way that others find upsetting, unsettling, or do not like, the only solutions I see being offered are that the person somehow just stop it. How are they supposed to do that? People with MH problems don't behave in the way they do because they want to. What's the alternative? I don't see any solutions here. Just a warning to people with MH issues to somehow "stop it". Some people seem to be saying that people with MH issues who behave "badly" need to be trained out of it like a misbehaving toddler?

What actually is the point of this thread? Just to make an awful lot of people feel bad is the only one that I can see.

I don't think that PND can be used to excuse criminal activity but I do think that it can have a very profound impact on people and the way that they behave.

No.thats just too simplistic. some illnesses can result in criminal outcome,you cant pick and chose what you deem acceptable and unacceptable

it all depends upon individual circumstances,impact of illness, and outcome of assessment and reports

and no mental illness is not levied as excuse. the mental illness is discussed in terms of impact upon behaviours ,mood etc - potential explanation

All this talk of "bearing the consequences".

People with MH problems suffer things like

Losing their job
Losing relationships with partners, children, parents
Losing their friends
Addiction
At the extreme end things like homelessness and prison

Seems to me that people are bearing the consequences like billy-o. What more do people want?

spot on.the stigma and demonisation of mental illness affects so many aspects of life.and the armchair wisdom of snap out of it and well it aint an excuse doesnt help either