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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 5 yrs too old to still be wearing daytime nappies?

68 replies

silentcatastrophe · 27/04/2011 14:15

I know of this happening. I know bedwetting is pretty common, but I thought that 5 was quite old to still be wearing a daytime nappy?

OP posts:
maypole1 · 27/04/2011 17:40

yes unless has a health issue they will not be able to go to primary school until dry

TotalChaos · 27/04/2011 17:44

would be v surprised if it was just lazy parenting, as surely the school would have a lot to say if no medical/SN reason for a child in nappies. btw the sort of SN that can cause issues with toilet training could also mean a child needed bottles for longer due to difficulties (physical or emotional) with swapping to a cup.

btw no direct experience but I would imagine the huggies are designed for chunky younger children, and despite the 30kg weight limit wouldn't fit right on a taller older child.

LadyBeagleEyes · 27/04/2011 17:44

"Rotten teeth from being bottle fed too long"? What's that got to do with your original question?
Odd.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 27/04/2011 17:45

and also the bottle feeding may not be the sole cause of rotted teeth

muddyangels123 · 27/04/2011 17:48

My Dd wore pull-ups on and off until she was 6, due to having IBS.
Even now if she is going through a bad week she wears a washable sanitary pad.
This child might have a medical condition.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 27/04/2011 17:49

it sounds to me (and I may be way off the mark) that the OP is suggesting that the mother is infantilising her child - late bottle feeding, nappies etc./or that mother can't cope with child's changing needs.

OP do you have concerns about the mothers mental health?

YoureaKITTY: nappies are probably easier than toilet training.

LaWeasel · 27/04/2011 17:49

I would think that both the late nappy wearing and bottle use and rotten teeth could be explained by other things.

Is this child at school? Because if they haven't got any issues with it, it means they know the reasons and agree that everything is being handled correctly.

They wouldn't casually accept a child in nappies that they would have to take on responsibility for with no medical explanation. That's just not how schools behave.

wotnochocs · 27/04/2011 18:22

What a strange OP? Why do you think the child would be wearing them if they didn't need them? If they need them then they are not too old.

Itsallgoingtobefine-'mother can't cope with child's changing needs. ' ..and what about the father????

wotnochocs · 27/04/2011 18:25

My DD2 started school in pull-ups .If they can't control it what is teh alternative?

Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/04/2011 18:27

Yes I do, ItsAllGoingToBeFine. The rotten teeth have been caused by bottle feeding and sweet drinks. I do think the mother's needs are being put ahead of the child.

I wondered initially if it were normal for a 5 year old to still be in nappies, and it is enlightening to find out more about what people find and to see (can't hear on here) what people think about it.

The situation is much more complicated than I would like to explain, so.. best stick to nappies eh?

OP posts:
Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/04/2011 18:28

The father is barely allowed to see his children. He says all is good when it isn't. I fear for his safety.

OP posts:
hanaka88 · 27/04/2011 18:33

You can buy pajama pants. They are just a 'big boy' name for large nappies,DS is in small ATM at almost 5, they sell them in tesco but are like £5 for a small pack, so not easy at all to upkeep! They can come in ages 4-7 then 7-9 I think. Huggies and pampers do them.

Marne · 27/04/2011 18:34

If you fear for a child safety and your worried the child is being neglected then phone ss.

Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/04/2011 18:36

I have

OP posts:
alardi · 27/04/2011 18:45

I can understand why you have some discomfort, Silent. But I think you have to shrug it off. Anything that concerns you is probably being noticed in greater detail and with all the background info to put it into context, by the school staff.

Marne · 27/04/2011 18:48

If you have contacted ss then i would leave it at that, if you are still worried and it seems like the child is still at risk then phone them again (thats all you can really do) Sad

Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/04/2011 18:53

I have also spoken to NSPCC who say that often people don't join the dots and that connections are not made. So, the school may well not have been in touch with child services or the police and the police probably haven't told child services who can't then contact the school, and child services are probably dealing with more 'serious' family situations.

Your words are comforting alardi. Thank youSmile

OP posts:
LaWeasel · 27/04/2011 19:10

I do understand that this could be something bad, but for me, personally, the markers would be in how the parent acted toward the child, or things the child told me - NOT in their development, because there can be a lot of innocent explanations for development problems, and not as many innocent explanations for the child regularly seeming afraid or reluctant to go with their parent or telling you "my mummy locks me in the cupboard if I'm naughty" or "for dinner I have salt'n'vinegar crisps"

There are also a lot of people on here who've had their children's teeth rot, or wear nappies for a long term for very valid medical reasons.

So I hope you understand why people aren't rallying around and saying "I agree she must be abusing her kids"

keepingupwiththejoneses · 27/04/2011 19:14

If a child of 5 is wearing tena pants then there is the likelyhood that the child has some form of sn or medical condition. DS3 is almost 5 wears tena medium and has autism and learning difficulties.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 27/04/2011 19:17

Should also say that unless the mother is prepared to pay £10 for a pack of 15 the tena pants will be being provided by NHS so it is very likely this little one has some sort of difficulty.

gkys · 27/04/2011 19:32

OP just wondering why you are so interested? Confused it doesn't affect you does it?

NorthernGobshite · 27/04/2011 19:37

Why have you not made a referral to social care with these concerns?

GloriaSmut · 27/04/2011 19:51

I do remember one of ds1's classmates starting school in nappies at 4.5. He didn't have SN but he did come from a family where the parents were genuinely clueless and almost certainly had some sort of SN themselves. All 7 of his siblings went to school in nappies and all of them trained themselves once they got to school. Social Services were involved - as they had with the parents when they were children - but basically there was no intended cruelty, just chronic hopelessness so a close eye was kept rather than any sort of removal from the home.

But I'd normally be exceedingly careful about making judgements over older children in nappies. Not everyone wants to tell the world that their children have medical or other conditions that keep them in nappies.

Original poster
silentcatastrophe · 27/04/2011 20:01

I have made a referral to SS about these things, and sadly it does affect me. I have to live with the aftershocks. NOt pretty. V. sad

OP posts:
blueshoes · 27/04/2011 20:21

Silent, you had better have child protection concerns in addition and over and above the child wearing nappies. Otherwise I seriously question your judgment in going to SS.

You have not explained yourself very well at all.