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to just want my house back now...

19 replies

vvviola · 27/04/2011 09:43

DHs step-Mum has been staying with us on and off since the middle of March. (DH is from a different continent, so long-ish visits are pretty much to be expected).

She and DH went away for a week (to sprinkle FILs ashes), which meant I had to have my Easter visit to my parents just with DD as DH couldn't take any more time off. I had a week to myself while they were away, but ended up very ill & spent most of it in bed.

Other than last night (I got in from my parents late, step-MIL is away until this evening), I haven't had more than 5 minutes alone with DH since the middle of March - and we still have another 2 weeks to go.

The thing is - she's really the perfect house guest. She gets on great with DD, who worships her. She helps out around the house - almost too much - I'm beginning to get irritated with her rummaging through the laundry basket during the day to put on washes - my routine is do an evening wash and hang it up in the morning before work. She makes dinner sometimes, which is lovely, but often I've plans for what should be for dinner - and because we've been either entertaining her, or I've been ill, I haven't had a chance to do a full supermarket shop in ages. She's very comfortable in the house, and goes with the flow, which is lovely, but she gets up very early and goes to bed after us, so I feel she's just there all the time.

And this weekend we're taking her to one of my favourite towns, one I'd hoped to get to by myself during my week alone, but I was too sick - we only get there about once a year or so. We'll spend the time following her around & I won't get to do the things I need/want to do.

I'm 22 weeks pregnant too, so may not be in the most rational mood. (And I really want to get a chance to start sorting/planning for baby, but can't do that either)

AIBU to just want my space back?

OP posts:

anonacfr · 27/04/2011 09:48

I sympathise.
Perfect house guest or not, having someone around non-stop is annoying.

I get restless after a few days so I don't know how I'd cope with a couple of months!


redexpat · 29/04/2011 23:36

If she's such a great houseguest could you not ask her to watch DD, or arrange a trip for the 2 of them? Cheesy kids film at the cinema perhaps? That way you and DH can have some time together. I'm sure she would understand that you need time alone together.


blackeyedsusan · 29/04/2011 23:47

..and it seems so unreasonable to moan when they are so nice...

you are doing well to have lasted so long...


Slightlyreluctantexpat · 29/04/2011 23:53


I've had a series of guests for the whole of April. Was mostly very enjoyable, but I am glad to get my space back now.


Maryz · 30/04/2011 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duckypoo · 30/04/2011 00:59

I think you are being a selfish dick, it's not her fault you were ill, Yanbu in a way as I too hate house guests, but fgs the woman is making a huge effort, trying to be helpful, indulge her. Try to get on with her, share your interests with her. Tbh you are 22 weeks, planning and sorting for the baby in reality could take as little as a couple of hours, you don't need to be doing anything major at 22 weeks.


duckypoo · 30/04/2011 01:03

Oh god I'm going to be the MIL from hell aren't I, I'll be all "just get the hell over yourself you idiot" Blush Hopefully I'll just think it.


AgentZigzag · 30/04/2011 01:07

Bollocks is the OP a selfish dick duckypoo, what are you on about?

She's not had any time with her DH on their own since March.

What part of that is selfish?

What? The bit where she's feeling the strain because someone she didn't choose to live with has been in her home for however long?

It's not because you're pregnant OP, even the nicest guests can be a PITA when they outstay their welcome for whatever reason.

It must be awful to see that two weeks stretching ahead of you.


AgentZigzag · 30/04/2011 01:08

hehe at your last post ducky Grin

I'll get down from this horse now shall I? It's very high up here Grin


amberleaf · 30/04/2011 01:16

YANBU but re the ashes i assume from that she has recently lost her DH?

Being able to 'busy' herself at your home has probably been really good for her? maybe?

That said i can totally get why you feel like you need your own space.

She does sound like a fab houseguest though and i was ....erm wondering can you please send her to me for a week or two?

I could do with a spare granny, the kids would love it and sounds as though shed sort my laundry issues out in no time!.... and she cooks?!


Virgowoo · 30/04/2011 05:47

I think YANBU for wanting your space back, but YABU if you are planning on actually doing anything about it. Does that make sense?

I have a lovely MIL who, when visiting from abroad, will stay for anything up to 2-3 months. While staying she will shop, cook every day, clean and be generally lovely. And still get a bit tired of being on 'guest' behaviour and want to sit around in your pants or something.

I second the going out idea, it's worked for us when you need a bit of a break.


blackeyedsusan · 30/04/2011 10:54

sitting in pants... Grin that would frighten her off...


skgnome · 30/04/2011 11:17

I know where you are coming from, lovely or not you want your space... also second the get her to spend some quality time with DD so you can spend time with DH, and then the other way round, let them have some "extra" time alone while you go out with DD and spoil her rotten, give her lots of sugar, after all, SMIL will be there at night to give you a hand :o

Or if you can, give her a nice gift (a.k.a. a day away form you - spa day?)

and just try to speak with her, like, I love your food, really will miss having my dinner ready, but today we want to make the dinner for you (bet you she'll offer to do the washing after)

I know is hard, but just hang in there,a nd try making it work for you... and believe me you'll miss her, until she comes again or you have to go visit... but just try to make the best you can


ENormaSnob · 30/04/2011 11:22

I couldn't live with anyone for that length of time.

She sounds lovely but yanbu.


zikes · 30/04/2011 11:53

Yanbu to want to have your home back to yourself, but you would be unreasonable to get huffy: she's doing her best to be a good guest, just try to appreciate all she does even if it's not the way you'd do it.

Hang on in there, it's nearly over. Smile


Salmotrutta · 30/04/2011 12:26

I sympathise, I really do - I have guests from overseas sometimes and some are nice, others less so. But you do get weary of even the nice ones who help out.
Sometimes you just want to "let it all hang out" don't you? Grin@ "sitting around in pants"

Do as others suggest - ask her to babysit for you to have a night out. I bet she'll jump at it. Remember - she may appreciate some time alone too because you can get weary being a guest as well!


vvviola · 02/05/2011 20:13

Oops - I didn't even realise there were more posts here!

As I updated on another moany thread - she left this morning.

I really do appreciate all the things she did when she was here, but I was beginning to feel a bit like a guest in my own home. And while I didn't quite intend sitting around in my pants, it's nice not to have to worry about being 'proper' all the time.

duckypoo I do get on with her, I did share my interests with her (actually got her re-interested in a hobby I do that she used to do), and I didn't for a second dream of letting her know I was getting a little antsy. Any time I felt myself getting a bit impatient, I'd go and have a bath, or blame pregnancy tiredness and head to bed.

I just, as someone who at the best of times even with DH & DD needs some silence and space to recharge, wanted my space back. (DH incidentally, said the same the other day)

She's always 100% welcome here, but hopefully next time it will be for a shorter visit Grin

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 02/05/2011 20:27

You just sound so patient, not being able to switch off and talk crap with DH would do my head in.

I bet you won't talk to each other for about a week now Grin

Revel in the silence and privacy Smile


vvviola · 02/05/2011 20:38

AgentZigzag have you a spy camera in our house or something? We've both been sitting tapping away on our laptops, with the occasional "oh, listen to this" and "did you hear?" since DD went to bed Grin

OP posts:
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