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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to want a full time job?

28 replies

Casxy · 27/04/2011 09:05

I have applied for a full time job about an hour and a half's drive away. I've got an interview and they say I am a strong candidate, but I dont know if I want it.
I havent worked full time for sixteen years. When I worked part time and the dcs were younger I found it very stressful and I was grumpy all the time. For the last five years I have cut right back and only done things that interested me and I could fit in easily. But I've always kept an eye out for a 'proper' job and made sure I was doing the kind of work/study that would get me back into one.
Now they are 14, 17 and 18 so I started looking, saw this ad and applied. I know that in this climate I would be very lucky to get this job. It's the sme kind of job as I did before (grumpily) but full time. My DH started off keen but thinks that it wouldnt make much difference financially after I had paid for petrol, help in the house, taxis for kids when we are both at work etc. The job itself would involve travelling in the area so even more driving.

But I do like getting out and meeting people, I do want to be a role model of a hard-working woman (and I currently work less hard than my teenager, just to be around when needed/ keep the house going), and I dont want to cling onto my children because I havent got anything after they leave. My 2nd dd says I am too much in her life and that is possible.

AIBU?

OP posts:

compo · 27/04/2011 09:08

I'd go for it
if you get it and after you've passed your probationary period you might be able to negiotate a four day week
why will the kids need taxis? Is the public transport really bad where you live?

squeakytoy · 27/04/2011 09:10

Your children are old enough to do their share around the house, why would you need to pay someone else to do it?

discobeaver · 27/04/2011 09:11

Taxis for the kids? Are they MPs?
I would at least go for the interview

Choufleur · 27/04/2011 09:14

Why do they need taxis? and why do you need help around the house?

LaurieFairyCake · 27/04/2011 09:14

3hrs commute a day? are you mad?

no way, that is 15 hours a week that you will come to resent. That 15 hours represents all my cleaning/dinner preparation and laundry - there is no way I'd give that up to spend it in a car

I would wait for something closer to where I lived. But if you need the money then go for it.

Gemsy83 · 27/04/2011 09:14

You would get into it if you enjoy the job. I see no reason for you to be 'around' for young adults when they should be at school/college and quite independent themselves

Original poster

Casxy · 27/04/2011 09:19

That's kind of the mixed feelings I have.
Eldest needs a lift from my village to the station (3 miles on an A road) to get to college - at the moment I'm in a rota but I'd have to leave too early , hence taxis. We have only one bus a day here.

I'm going to ask at interview abotu possibilities of working at home once a week or something. That sounds so bad

OP posts:

Lancelottie · 27/04/2011 09:19

Go for it. I'm not surprised you were grumpy when trying to work around three little kids, but they are practically full grown.

What's the worst that could happen? You hate it and decide to drop back to part time/find a better job? Or you love it and discover that actually, it's someone else's turn to do the housework and driving (does that teenager have a licence yet?).

In another few years the whole brood will have left (or be paying you rent and taxiing YOU about, with a bit of luck).

Lancelottie · 27/04/2011 09:20

Ah, cross posts. But I wouldn't give up a good opportunity just to be a taxi once a day. Is it the kind of hellish A road you can't cycle on (we live on one of those)?

Lancelottie · 27/04/2011 09:20

Pay the taxi. Or pay one of the other parents to do your day.

RtHonLadyEuphemiaOfCaledonia · 27/04/2011 09:23

The commute alone would leave me demented: are you sure you can handle that, day after day, week after week, in all weathers?

hairylights · 27/04/2011 09:24

Yabu. They are quite old enough or you to be able to work full time.

expatinscotland · 27/04/2011 09:26

What Laurie said. I don't see the point in FT work unless you need the money, tbh.

But 3-hour/day commute would make it a no-go for me unless it paid a lot because it costs a mint to commute that far in this day and age. Plus, have you ever commuted like that?

I have, back when I didn't even have kids, and I grew to hate it. It was only because of the excellent money I made, the good job and the fact that I had a mortgage to pay that kept me going.

QuelleLeJeff · 27/04/2011 09:28

If it is not financially worth it I really wouldn't bother. Look for something else.

compo · 27/04/2011 09:30

What about a pension though expat? Full time work us best way to pay into a good one but then again we might all drop down dead at 65

GrimmaTheNome · 27/04/2011 09:31

YANBU.

I've been working halftime, from home, since DD started school, and I don't want to return to fulltime (even with zero commute). Work-life balance is important. I work hard when I'm working, but have time for other stuff - not just kid stuff but me-and-DH stuff. Time to meet non-work people.

If its a perfect job and you think there might in time be flexibility over homeworking/hours, then perhaps you should give it a go, but otherwise wouldn't something nearer/part-time be better?

expatinscotland · 27/04/2011 09:31

'My DH started off keen but thinks that it wouldnt make much difference financially after I had paid for petrol, help in the house, taxis for kids when we are both at work etc. The job itself would involve travelling in the area so even more driving.'

Let's face it, not a lot of people want or can afford a job like that now. Petrol and diesel are getting extortionate.

I'd look for something closer.

Bonsoir · 27/04/2011 09:31

Why don't you buy a car for your elder two children to share? Not only will they be able to use it for the station and/or college/school, but they will be able to get themselves around in the evenings and help you with the shopping etc.

expatinscotland · 27/04/2011 09:33

'What about a pension though expat? Full time work us best way to pay into a good one but then again we might all drop down dead at 65'

No it's not if you have other financial means. There's the option of topping up NI contributions and all other manner of financial planning for those who can obviously afford to stay at home/on one salary for so long.

My mother never worked outside the home FT after having us. They aren't paupers.

expatinscotland · 27/04/2011 09:34

a lot of employers don't even offer pension plans now, anyhow, and those that do, they can be hit or miss.

TheFarSide · 27/04/2011 09:35

If your reasons for not wanting a full-time job are to do with family/household duties, then (as others have said) your family may have to increase their share of the work - and you should take the job if offered.

However, if your reasons for not wanting a full-time job are about work/life balance and time to pursue other interests, this will be difficult with a full-time job, not to mention the commute. In this case, you could enquire about flexible working options at the interview - they might suprise you and accommodate your wishes.

It's a shame that there are not more decent part-time job opportunities. I'm looking for a part-time job myself and the options are really limited.

Good luck!

ccpccp · 27/04/2011 09:41

Your DH obviously earns a lot if a normal full time job 'wouldnt make much difference financially'.

I guess it depends if you want to contribute more to the family, as kids of those ages are pretty much adults and dont need a SAHM.

If you have everything you'll ever need from your DHs income, then dont take the job. There are a lot of unemployed out there who are on the breadline and need full time work.

throckenholt · 27/04/2011 09:44

I wouldn't even consider such a long commute - it would drive me mental and I would resent the time wasted, and the expense, and the general waste of fuel.

I also wouldn't want to work full time unless I had no choice - it leaves no time to live (once you have done all the household stuff as well).

That is just my personal take. If I were you I would look round for something more local. Take this a boost - they say you are a strong candidate - which means you ought to be a strong candidate for other jobs as well.

HappyMummyOfOne · 27/04/2011 09:48

I'd get the elder ones a bike rather than ferry them arround every day and full time workers still do housework so you wouldnt need to pay for help.

Dont take it unless you actually want it (given you dont need the income) otherwise you'll mess the employer around and somebody that needs a job to provide for their family will miss out.

NinkyNonker · 27/04/2011 09:51

The 3 hr commute would be the deal breaker for me.

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