To be pissed off at this comment?

[WriterofDreams]

DS (4 months) was grizzling on my lap today and my mum said "Don't do that, mummy won't love you, she won't love you, but granny will." She repeated it a couple of times while I studiously ignored her and felt a bit shit. AIBU to find it a really weird thing to say and just a bit horrible? Or is it just a silly granny thing? DS is my pfb so I don't really know.

No that's a shitty thing to say.

No. It's a stupid thing to say.

Repeat after me

"That's a very odd thing to say. Why did you say that?"

and

"I will always love her. What an odd thing to say. Please don't say it again."

I thought so blueeyed. My mum is a bit weird. When DS is crying she pretends to tell him off and she keeps going on and on about giving him food even though he's clearly doing fine on breastmilk. We live abroad and are just visiting this week so this is the first time I've been around her with DS for any length of time. It's making me glad we don't live nearby, and appreciate my poor MIL (whom I've been very hard on) a lot more!

She probably didn't mean anything by it, but yes I agree, not a great thing to say. I would casually mention to your Mum that it upset you, and point out that before you know it your baby will be understanding what people are saying, and you will all need to be more careful what is said (using the words 'we will all need' will make it seem less of a personal attack but still get the point across).

Its just a saying

people say stupid things all the time

Grannys can't say anything without causing offence ..tis the MN law

It's both a horrible thing and a silly thing. I doubt it was meant how it sounded and says more about your mother than anything else.

Telling a child that their mother won't love them is more than stupid.

And yes, I know the child is a baby atm, but if you don't stop them right now, they'll get into the habit of it and before you know it, they'll be telling your 6 yr old that mummy doesn't love them like grandma does.

I would love to say that hecate, but my mum sulks at the slightest thing and we have to make it through this week without me killing her! At least she lives far away so I don't have to put up with it all the time. It's only over the last few years that I'm seeing the light about my relationship with my mum and this is just another difficult thing to deal with in a string of difficult things.

Hecate, do you think if I ignore this kind of thing now it'll get worse? I was going to ignore as he's too young to understand at the moment but I suppose the danger is that it'll continue when he's older.

"mummy won't love you" is just a saying?

YANBU. Go with Hecates replies.

YANBU

Next time just something along the lines of- are you going batty in you old age mum, thats a horrible thing to say

or dont scare the poor wee thing, mum

Yes. It will get worse.

If you can't put up with sulks, parenthood is going to be a fucking bitch of a time for you!

Its obviously stupid - why didn't you pipe up? Just because she's your mum doesn't mean you can't question her. You are a grown up now.

A strange thing to say but I think people do just spout utter nonsense when talking to babies. They just feel the urge to say something/anything and it doesn't mean anything.

You could be really passive aggresive and next time say to your DS

"Mummy will ALWAYS love you, but if silly granny says that again, silly granny will never see you. Ever."

Or you could just be aggressive aggressive, and say

"Mother. Shut it"

yanbu! definately do as hec says

my mil's fav saying of the moment is 'is mummy horrible to you?' over and over a bloody million times because i wont let dd try food.

True hecate, better develop a thicker skin

I'm finding dealing with my mum a bit of a minefield lately. She is good with DS generally but I do find I'm very sensitive to the things she says to/about him. I know I have the potential to overreact but at the same time I'd rather not leave things go and pay for it later.

I initially read that your 4 month old was saying that to you !
You have a very advanced 4 month old

it doesn't mean anything.

Oh, but it certainly does mean something when it's mummy won't love you, she won't love you, but granny will."

Sounds toxic to me!

what hecate said

plus yeah the OPs mum may be saying nonsense but she obviously doesnt remember what its like being a first time mum, feeling judged all the time
Its a horrible thing to say to a child of any age

Hi mumatron

Isn't it mad that 4 months have gone by already? Your MIL is a bit of a nutter is she?

Hectate is very wise - listen to her! Everything she says I second!

And yes, you MUST confront your very silly mother for saying such a stupid thing as it will only get worse. Nip it in the bud - NOW

If she gets huffy let her. She needs to be told