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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off at this comment?

46 replies

WriterofDreams · 26/04/2011 21:50

DS (4 months) was grizzling on my lap today and my mum said "Don't do that, mummy won't love you, she won't love you, but granny will." She repeated it a couple of times while I studiously ignored her and felt a bit shit. AIBU to find it a really weird thing to say and just a bit horrible? Or is it just a silly granny thing? DS is my pfb so I don't really know.

OP posts:

StealthyKissBeartrayal · 26/04/2011 22:10

PMSL at GreenEyes

Original poster

WriterofDreams · 26/04/2011 22:14

The really weird thing is that my mum doesn't generally use the word "love" at all. I went through a really tough time a couple of years ago and it revealed a lot about our relationship - she basically let me down in a big way. At the time I made a big effort to tell her I loved her but she just would not say it back to me. I suppose the memory of that stings and the fact that she made such a big deal about loving DS today and me not loving him stung more than maybe it should have. I'm just wary that I have ishoos about the whole thing and I don't want to get worked up about something that is genuinely meaningless.

OP posts:

hairfullofsnakes · 26/04/2011 22:51

It's not meaningless at all - it was a completey stupid, nasty and pathetic thing to say and you really do need to nip it in the bud or your child will always hear this shit whenever your mother is around. Don't let your child be infected with listening to such crap - put a stop to it now

Your mother has made me really mad for you! You must nip this in the bud for your baby's sake as well as yours!

budgieshell · 26/04/2011 23:09

Your child will soon know who loves them. Your child will also figure out that granny is a bit of a head case.

mumatron · 27/04/2011 06:07

Wod yes, she's barking! I do my best to ignore but it's not always easy.

Try and sort your mums behaviour while ds doesn't understand what she's saying.

You wouldn't let a stranger say such crap to your baby would you? And if she huff's, let her!

Ds will grow up knowing you love him, especially if you learn from your own mums mistakes, but my ds(10) takes everything literally so would not understand his gm saying something like this to him.

AmandaCooper · 27/04/2011 06:25

We don't have children yet but I know this sort of thing is coming, MIL says to my dog in a cutesy voice, "she doesn't know how to look after you like I do" and "she's not an animal lover but I am". It makes me furious and that's just over a dog. You have my sympathy.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 27/04/2011 06:45

I think it's a generational thing. People used to say the oddest things to babies years ago.

By the way, what is 'DTD'?

mumatron · 27/04/2011 18:15

bornagain I assume DTD means dear twin daughter(s) in Madamdeathstares case.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 27/04/2011 18:22

Ah, thanks mumatron, I've been wondering that for ages

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/04/2011 18:23

Its just a saying

Really, TheRepublican? Well, it's one I've never heard before ...

TheRepublican · 27/04/2011 18:26

Some people like a drama though ....

mumatron · 27/04/2011 18:27

it's also used on the conception boards for 'doing the deed' aka having sex, but i doubted that was the context on this thread. unless i was missing something

wotnochocs · 27/04/2011 18:28

But she's just prattling on and the baby is only 4m old and won't understand.i am sure she won't say anything like that when he's old enough to understand

welliesandpyjamas · 27/04/2011 18:31

At least she seems to be interested and making a fuss of ds, albeit with unusual baby talk! Some grannies don't take an interest. Imo the best thing to do would be to leave it for now but respond in a grown up way, showing surprise and asking politely what was meant, if anything similar happens again.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 27/04/2011 18:31

I can remember people saying things to babies like:

"If you don't stop crying, we'll sell you to the gypsies".

Obviously people wouldn't dream of saying something like that now for so many reasons...

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/04/2011 18:31

Writer - he's 4 months and you don't see her very often. I'd just bite your tongue for this visit because tbh at this stage it means no more than blah blah blah to him. If you feel you have to do something, just say to him 'Silly Granny, Mummy will always love you - no matter what' but don't make a big deal of it. It's only a week - just do what you have to do to get through it without any bodies to bury.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/04/2011 18:32

Saying something this time will only upset the apple cart and she wont remember next time... so what's the point? Try to sort your relationship out with her. You can deal with stuff like this when it matters.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/04/2011 18:36

BornAgain - Yep! That was a common one wasn't it!! When we were kids and we asked where Mum was we would get told that she'd run off with a sailor or a black man! (She was probably only in the loo or next door!).

HipposGoBeserk · 27/04/2011 18:43

We live in a country where it is perfectly normal to say the most extraordinary things to children.

Complete stranger to 2yo: "I'm going to steal you away from your mummy and take you to my home and keep you!! Yes I am!!" is normal.

I lost count of the number of people who told dd that Mummy was going to give away her baby brother and wouldn't that be lovely?! Dd was inconsolable at the thought.

And people often tell them that I am not really their mummy, but they are. Just random people in the supermarket.

ANYWAY... the point is that I smile frostily politely, completely ignore the loon who is traumatising my child, and instead address the child directly, assuring them firmly that "Mummy would never let that happen" in a no-nonsense way. When questioned further I ask who is in charge? Quite, it's me, I am in charge and so what I say goes. That seems to work.

In your case I would say to the baby quite definitely "Of course I will always love you. Mummy loves you more than anything in the world and nothing will ever change that" and then clearly and cheerfully change the subject.

Original poster

WriterofDreams · 28/04/2011 08:42

Thanks for the input everyone. Overall my mum's been ok with DS and so I think I'm willing to let this go as a one-off. If she starts saying things like this more regularly I might bring it up with her but for the time being I'm just going to bite my tongue and be happy that we don't live anywhere near each other

OP posts:

maighdlin · 28/04/2011 09:27

YANBU and i say that with a completely mad DM. My mum frequently tells DD "if mummy and daddy don't let you have anything you want you phone granny and granny will come down and biff them and you can come live with granny"

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