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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to spend the money on food and drinks..?

49 replies

gillybean2 · 26/04/2011 13:29

Took ds and 2 friends out for the day yesterday. I had tesco vouchers to get into the attraction (theme park) and when I picked them up their nan gave me £10 for each of them. I asked 'is this for their lunch' and she she 'whatever they want'. They had nothing else with them, no suncream (already put on I was told), no drink no snacks or packed lunch.

I had brought a bottle of water for ds and myself and had a spare bottle too. I also had some snacks, crisps & biscuits to share. It was a roasting hot day and we were stuck in traffic for ages. I offered them the spare bottle of water but they don't like water... Hmm

Got to the theme park. £23 each to get wrist bands for them, so £70 in tesco vouchers. I immediately went and got the two boys a bottle of coke each (what they asked for) because it was so hot and they hadn't drunk anything for 2 hours while stuck in a hot car. These cost £2 a bottle.

We had lunch a little while later (£5 for each of them from the burger place - including a drink each) and later had ice cream, more bottles of coke for them. Asked if they wanted candyfloss, more chips etc.

Towards the end of the day they wanted to go in the gift shop. It was full of tat and after wandering around for some 10 mins without finding anything they wanted to buy I explained that we really needed to get on and that actually I had spent more then the £10 each on them already. I even listed out that lunch had been £5, coke bottles £2 each and they'd had 2, plus icecream at £2 which all came to more than £10.

I said if they really wanted something I would get it for them but it needed to be small and they needed to pick it in the next 5 mins as we needed to start heading back to the car.
More wandering around blankly and they didn't find anything they wanted after a further 5 mins, so we left the shop.

Back to the car, paid for parking and headed home. Apart from being stuck in traffic at the start it was an enjoyable day out.

When I dropped them off the oldest asked if they could have their money back. I said I had spent it on their lunch etc but he said they hadn't got anything in the gift shop...

I felt a bit dumbstruck really, but didn't want to spoil the day by arguing the point, so got my purse and scrounged around trying to find £20 in it in change.

At this point their nan came out, said hello etc. I handed over the £20 and she said what's that? I said the boys asked for their money back. She said didn't you spend it, I said yes but they were asking for it. She took the £20 and gave them £5 each and gave me £10 back. Then their mum came out, said thanks for talking them etc. Off I went home with ds.

Now I had taken £65 in cash for the say plus £70 in tesco vouchers and came home with £12 (this included the £10 she had given me back - so I spent £133 on the day out).

AIBU to think next time I should just give them their £10 each and tell them to buy whatever drinks and or lunch they want with their own money and when it's gone it's gone!?

OP posts:
Spenguin · 26/04/2011 13:32

How old were these kids?

I would have told the one asking for his money back to F Off. Ungrateful little sod.

FabbyChic · 26/04/2011 13:32

Yes that is what I would have done.

Original poster
gillybean2 · 26/04/2011 13:33

11 and 9 years old

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 26/04/2011 13:35

See I would never go short when taking someone elses children out, when she gave me the £20 I would have said is that for their food and drink? Do they have thier own spending money for the gift shop.

When he asked for the money I would have said your lunch and drinks came to more than £20 so there is no change.

Remember for next time.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 26/04/2011 13:35

More fool you for giving them the money back! Learn to say NO.

DingDongMerrilyOutOfSeason · 26/04/2011 13:37

YANBU but YWBU to give the money bac, after all it was not theirs to receive, the nan had given it to you and if you were to return it at all, you should have given it back to her.

It is a shame because you probably wont offer to take them out again.

coccyx · 26/04/2011 13:37

Why didn't the mother provide a packed lunch /money for lunch?? Then Nan's money could have been spent on overpriced bits from gift shop.
Personally i wouldn't have given them any money back

Original poster
gillybean2 · 26/04/2011 13:43

I gave them it back because I wasn't entierly clear from what the nan had said that it was for their lunch and drinks and they seemed to feel etitled too it so I figured I was mistaken to spend it on food & drinks.

When I picked them up their nan actually said she'd given them £10 each and could I look it after it for them. Again implying it was their own money. That's when I asked if it was for their lunch but she had said 'whatever they want' so I wasn't entirely sure what that meant tbh.

Mum wasn't there when I picked them up and had only just got home before I dropped them off.

OP posts:
tyzer2001 · 26/04/2011 13:44

TBH, if I offered to take a friends child out for the day i would expect to pick up the expenses myself, and that their spending money would be for them to buy a souvenieir.
If I wasn't financially able to do that, i would have made it clear during the invitation, 'I would love your DS to come with us but he will need a packed lunch as the prices at these places are extortionate'.

FoundationGarmentsOnOnesHead · 26/04/2011 13:45

She gave them £5 each out of your money?

Carrotsandcelery · 26/04/2011 13:49

That's rotten gilly - you take kids out for an expensive and enjoyable day out and end up feeling taken advantage of. I hope you and your ds can put that feeling aside and still remember a great day out.

As for the money. The boys should have been given money for food or food with them. They were very rude to ask for their money back and their Nan should have told them so.

In future I suppose you have to make the arrangements crystal clear which is a shame as most people would be incredibly grateful and shoving embarrassing amounts of money in your face.

HappyMummyOfOne · 26/04/2011 13:56

I'd have expected to cover drinks and meals myself if inviting people out for the day and would have given the money to the children to spend how they wished.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 26/04/2011 14:17

YANBU. People saying they would pick up all the expenses for both their and other people's children, not everyone can afford to or wants to.

I think it's a case of live and learn, OP. Next time, as suggested above, I'd make clear when making the initial suggestion that everyone gives their own kids their lunch/drinks or money for them. On the day, if anyone gave me money I'd make sure I was clear on what it was for, and reiterate that all food and drink would have to come out of it if not supplied. The child asking for his money back was cheeky to do so, but it's his nan's/parents' fault really; presumably they're the ones who are bringing him up with those ideas about how to behave.

Spenguin · 26/04/2011 14:20

If the grandmother said the money was for whatever the boys wanted...they wanted lunch and a drink, right?

Ergo, they spent their £10 each.

Not your responsibility to give it back.

Animation · 26/04/2011 14:22

Grin - what! why would you even consider giving this cash to the oldest - just because he asked for it.

Animation · 26/04/2011 14:24

We're all spent up guys! - might have been a better response.

VajazzHands · 26/04/2011 14:35

I wouldn't have given the little shits their money back tbh.

11 and 9 is plenty old enough to have some gratitude and the money was for their day out not for them to get back at the end of the day.

I also think the nan would have assumed the money was for you to spend whilst out with them. I think its rude to assume someone taking your kids out for a day at a theme park shoudl have to pay out to feed them too.

tyzer2001 · 26/04/2011 14:58

LadyClarice I agree it's not always possible to pick up the whole bill, which is why i said it's important to make these things clear at the invitation stage.

OP, I don't think you were U to expect them to pay for their food, but perhaps you need to make your position clearer next time. I would'nt have given them the money back though.

BooyHoo · 26/04/2011 15:04

if i was taking someone else's dc out for the day i would expect to be buying their food and drinks whilst out. i would have assumed the £20 was for them to spend in the shop.

put it this way. it doesn't sound like you were expecting their nan to give you money so you had planned to pay for their food anyway?

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 26/04/2011 15:12

I didn't mean you particularly, tyzer. Two posters have said, without the qualification you gave, that they'd expect to foot the bill.

Actually, while I'm on it, can I ask what the etiquette on this is? I don't know whether it's better to name a particular poster or posters, or just say e.g. 'some people have said'. I'm fairly new here and do not want to get the form wrong and pee people off!

BooyHoo · 26/04/2011 15:17

if i couldn't afford to pay for food for someone else's children then i just wouldn't have invited them. i would never ever offer to take someone's children out for the day but tell the parent that they would have to give money for their food. if you wanted the children with you but couldn't afford it you can invite the family to join yours for the day, meaning the parents would be paying for their own entry fees and meals.

tyzer2001 · 26/04/2011 15:54

LadyClarice I dunno about the etiquette, I only mention posters by name if I want to attract their attention as my reply is specifically to them IYSWIM!

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 26/04/2011 15:59

Yes, I guess what I don't understand is if I should say 'Oi, tyzer, I disagree with you' (I'm paraphrasing), or if it's considered better to make reference to 'other posters who have said such-and-such a thing'. Am worried that the first is overly confrontational but the second seems a bit passive-aggressive ...

tyzer2001 · 26/04/2011 16:01

I guess if you're disagreeing with one person's specific point, you should address them personally - wheras if you're disagreeing with half the 'room' you should generalise...I s'pose...and all that. Smile

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 26/04/2011 16:28

Yes. Indeed.

Minefield isn't it? Smile

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