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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think eleven years olds are too young to be dating?

48 replies

wordfactory · 26/04/2011 11:45

Am I living in cloud cuckoo land and it is perfectly okay for year sevens to be dating?

Apparently, other parents are happy with this, but it just seems so very young to me...

OP posts:
emkana · 26/04/2011 11:46

Dunno. I wouldn't be happy to call it dating, but would be happy for a boy and a girl to go to the cinema together. Just dont label it that way.

worraliberty · 26/04/2011 11:46

My son is in yr 7 and his friends have been on 'dates' to the cinema or ice skating.

It's no more than just a boy and girl going out for the day...totally innocent really.

knittedbreast · 26/04/2011 11:47

its not really dating. they fancy each other and then once they actually ask each other out cant go anywhere near each other without hyperventilating

Original poster
wordfactory · 26/04/2011 11:47

What about 'snogging' and hand holding etc?

It makes me feel ill just thinking about it.

OP posts:
nokissymum · 26/04/2011 11:48

Seems too you to me also. Definitely wouldnt allow it, but i know other pareants who have a more liberal view on this. I think you just have to go with what you personallyb believe is right, and there's a load of personal views, experiences that govern that.

hairylights · 26/04/2011 11:51

knittedbreast I love it :)

yes my neice 'dates' a boy - they hang out together. My step daughter also had a 'date' around this age which consisted of riding up and down the street on their bikes and calling in impromptu to our house for a cold drink and an ice cream (which really meant her wanting to show off her 'boyfriend' - it was everso cute!).

nokissymum · 26/04/2011 11:52

meant to say seems too "young" and that includes wether it has that label or not, personally and i stress this, i believe boys and girls of that age should be having solo outings, but going out in groups rather.

LaWeasel · 26/04/2011 11:52

It's very normal and there is very little snogging. I was dating at that age, had first kiss at 12. IMO, it is really an elaborate game of playing at being grown up and really most of them know it is.

I managed not to have sex until I was 19 without any issues.

Original poster
wordfactory · 26/04/2011 11:53

Hmmmm...I do wonder though, if the parents who do allow dating just like to tell themselves that it's all innocent?

DD tells me some of the girls she knows do a fair bit of snogging. I justworry what next? Where does it lead?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 26/04/2011 11:55

10 YO DD1 has a 'boyfriend' but definately no snogging or hand holding, she would be mortified if anyone suggested that's what it entailed, and I wouldn't be shit hot on the idea either!

They're just playing and boyfriend/girlfriend at 10/11, if it was more 'serious' I'd be putting my foot down definately.

Original poster
wordfactory · 26/04/2011 11:56

Also, what of the eleven year old girls dating boys of thriteen and fourteen? Surely those boys think of dating in an entirely different way?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 26/04/2011 11:56

What's the point in worrying OP?

If you have an 11yr old who desperately wants to snog someone, there's nothing you can do about it unless you actually find out.

Bogeyface · 26/04/2011 11:57

My sister had her first boyfriend at 11 and it consisted of them walking to school and back together, occasionally holding hands and him blushing furiously whenever he had to speak to my parents! I think they only had one kiss at a school disco :o

There is proper adult dating and then there is what we used to do which is "going out with each other" which as my mum pointed out was a misnomer because we never actually went anywhere! I started that at about 13 and apart from a couple of attempts at snogging, which were fairly rubbish :o it was just hand holding and sitting together at school!

At that age it is fairly innocent and I wouldnt worry too much. The ones that end up having sex etc at that age are very few and far between, and you would probably be able to tell by their behaviour that there is more to it than a trip to the cinema and a peck on the lips at home time.

squeakytoy · 26/04/2011 11:57

I had "boyfriends" when I was that age... it was a harmless step towards being a teenager.

ginnny · 26/04/2011 11:58

It does seem too young but sadly I think it is the norm these days.
My ds is 11 and in year 6 and I hate the thought of it but they do grow up so fast nowadays.
Sad

nikki1978 · 26/04/2011 11:59

I had my first boyfriend at 12. We did little more than hold hands and peck on the lips. When he dumped me I was a bit upset though. After that I did not have a boyfriend again until I was 15. I don't think it is a big deal. Forbidding it could backfire though...

Bogeyface · 26/04/2011 11:59

Boys of 13/14 are usually very immature and are closer emotionally to girls of 11. Thats why girls of 14 all go out with 16 year olds! Boys of 13 are still at the "football is great and girls smell" stage. Its when an 18/19 year old wants to go out with an underage girl that you should worry.

Original poster
wordfactory · 26/04/2011 11:59

Actually I have two eleven year olds Grin.
And they are still of a mind to tell me everything. I guess I should be grateful for that, but when they tell me that some of their mates are into dating and snogging in full technicolour detail, it makes me squirm.

I don't want to be draconian though...

OP posts:
Groovee · 26/04/2011 12:00

My dd is 11 and hasn't had a boyfriend yet, she's too busy being friends with the boys to want it to go further. There is one lad who's working his way through the girls but he is lovely and they are 2 timing him.

knittedbreast · 26/04/2011 12:02

i dont think you need to worry too much where the kissing leads too. i spent a good couple of years just kissing, the liking each other and hand holding was all a build up to kiss itself, which i suppose id the ultimate aim where sex is for adults.

Original poster
wordfactory · 26/04/2011 12:05

I suppose I just hoped there'd be more time before all this.

Some of the girls in particular seem horrrendously grown up ... make up, provocative clothes, having boyfriends.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByALamb · 26/04/2011 12:07

My DD is 11 in Y6. Some of her friends have 'boyfirends' but this mainly consists of going to the local village on a Saturday afternoon and hanging around. My DD also goes sometimes but they don't really talk to the boys - as one of her friends said "Well there is nothing to say to them is there?" A lot of texting goes on, but when they get together they are still playing sword fights with bits of wood and messing about in the river. All still pretty innocent.

Original poster
wordfactory · 26/04/2011 12:16

But what if it was moving away from being totally innocent? How would you approach that?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 26/04/2011 12:17

You would be highly unlikely to know about it I'm afraid.

Were you never 11 yourself???

Original poster
wordfactory · 26/04/2011 12:24

Indeed I was eleven...and certainly not wearing make up, cropped tops and having a boyfriend.
TBF, neither is DD, but some of the girls she knows are terribly grown up (or it seems that way to me) and their parents don't seem to mind.

OP posts:
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