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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to tell my ds (10) the truth about Fr Christmas and Easter Bunny?

64 replies

queenceleste · 26/04/2011 09:35

I can't believe he still believes. I thought he'd find out by now, he is slightly innocent for his age.
It must be best to leave it.... but I wonder whether it's a bit mean, I don't want his schoolmates to laugh at him!
Break it to him or let him find out naturally?

OP posts:

IgnoringTheChildren · 26/04/2011 15:56

RevoltingPeasant - that pretty much sums up how I feel about telling DSs about FC - I don't want to lie to them about anything (unless it's essential like no DS1, there isn't any more Easter Egg left ) and then have to admit it years later, however I'm in the minority on this one. Plus it clearly isn't making any difference as DS1's chosing to believe everyone else over me about FC anyway! At least I've got a little while before his teeth start to fall out and I have to worry about the tooth fairy...

Original poster

queenceleste · 26/04/2011 16:25

ignoring you do have a point. But to resist the lie would take courage...
It is beyond all conspiracy theories isn't it?

OP posts:

IgnoringTheChildren · 26/04/2011 17:18

It certainly feels a bit like me vs everyone else my son meets, still it's not hurting him to believe that FC delivered the stocking full of carefully chosen little gifts last xmas (despite the fact that he saw me buying and wrapping some of the presents for his little brother's stocking! ) Anyway I hope that you manage to break the news/aid the "discovery" of the fact that FC and the Easter Bunny aren't real without traumatising him too much. Personally I'd go with goodbyemrschips idea of softening the blow with the benefits of being grown-up enough to know the truth.

Original poster

queenceleste · 26/04/2011 23:28

two of my wise mates have told me they never speak of it ever with their kids. The fiction remains untouched however old they get!

OP posts:

wotnochocs · 26/04/2011 23:34

the trouble is he probably only 'believes' because he trusts you so much he doesn't think you would lie to him

piprabbit · 26/04/2011 23:45

I suspect your DS has suspicions, but he may be protecting you a little. Perhaps he is unable to visualise Christmas or Easter without the traditions you have established. He might be uncertain of the consequences of admitting his disbelief, would you be cross or sad? would Christmas have to be cancelled?

Perhaps you could give him some subtle assurances that nothing bad will happen as a result of his disbelief. Something along the lines that although his friends who don't believe may be odd, they still celebrate in the same ways as your family and they still have a wonderful time.

BellaMagnificat · 26/04/2011 23:49

Tell him now.
I never truly believed any of that utter shite to be honest - I was 3 when I spotted santa's beard hung round his ears with elastic. And why were there so many?
To be ten and still think it's true is some really serious. If he genuinely does he will have hell to pay.
Tell him!

inchoccyheaven · 26/04/2011 23:50

My nearly 9 and 11 yr old sons still believe in F.C and tooth fairy (we don't do Easter bunny) and i am hoping that they just realise over time the truth. I don't ever remember asking my parents outright if either were real,just remember hearing them putting our stockings in our rooms one year and realising that way. I didn't mention it to them as I probably thought I wouldn't get any more stockings if I did

I do worry slightly if they will be disappointed that I have "lied" to them, especially as last Christmas my 8 yr old wrote a note to F.C asking him how he could be a nicer and not so selfish child. Almost broke my heart to read it and of course I had to write back and pretend I knew nothing as he wouldn't let me see the letter first :(

BellaMagnificat · 26/04/2011 23:57

That is absolutely awful in choccy.

To have reached that age they are either pretending,to please you - or really are bit panicked about it all.

And yes at their age it is lies.

Hideous.

MCos · 27/04/2011 00:32

inchoccyheaven - DD1 (just turned 9) totally believes in FC & tooth fairy too. And I too am hoping she realizes truth over time. DD2 is 2 years younger - and will most likely find out at same time. Courtesey of her older sister, I'm sure.
I'm leaving it until 6th class (live in Ireland) before I say anything. I'm sure she will have copped on by then...

RobF · 27/04/2011 00:53

I think most kids keep up the pretence of believing because they think they'll get less presents/easter eggs if they admit otherwise. Although I can't say I ever believed in the Easter Bunny, don't think I ever even knew about it.

I used to get Christmas presents from my parents as well as Santa too. I always thought it was strange that my friends got presents from various relatives, plus the presents from Santa (aka their parents). Maybe my parents thought it through a bit more and realised i'd soon cotton on if various uncles aunties and cousins were buying me presents but my own parents weren't.

cushionyet · 27/04/2011 08:52

You cannot have a child at secondary school who still believes in Santa... Unless they're a very strong little character, then it will be utterly humiliating for them when another child inevitably tells them and mocks them for it. It's sad, but to the other children most of them will have worked it out long ago, and it will seem inconceivable to them that another child of that age hasn't. I think if they don't know by 10, then that's probably the time you need to tell...

Surely it would be better to let them down gently and kindly yourself?

One of my friends still believed in Santa at 11 and her parents continually went strangely 'all out' for it- fake snow, fake footprints etc... When she told them that she wasn't sure if she believed anymore (after the kids at school had bullied her mercilessly) they just couldn't accept it, said the children were lying (!) and continued this weird charade until she was about 16!

Is it sometimes about the parents feelings, like it won't be special without it?! When the child's best interests aren't being considered (ie: bullying will be far worse than the loveliness of keeping the magic alive for longer) I just don't think it can be justified.

confuseddotcodotuk · 27/04/2011 09:36

You should tell him. I lived with somebody who was never told and found out one Christmas when 'Father Christmas' didn't deliver his presents when he was about 12/13. It was funny when he told us but he is still gutted by it and has resolved to never tell his kids about Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or anythign of the sort because he doesn't want them to feel the same disappointment he did! :(

inchoccyheaven · 27/04/2011 13:35

Bella what is awful? They definitely believe and aren't doing it to please me

I will play it by ear but I am not going to just tell either of them just because of their age. They are not stupid and I am sure they will just work it out for themselves as I did.

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