To want to tell my ds (10) the truth about Fr Christmas and Easter Bunny?

[queenceleste]

I can't believe he still believes. I thought he'd find out by now, he is slightly innocent for his age.
It must be best to leave it.... but I wonder whether it's a bit mean, I don't want his schoolmates to laugh at him!
Break it to him or let him find out naturally?

DSS is 11 next month and still believes.
After a conversation with him at Christmas I realised that he actually does still 100% believe and isn't just playing along. He is very young in so many ways and I really worry about him getting picked on when he starts big school this year.

I told our DD just before christmas last year. She had already had a few unkind comments about how childish she was (at 9 FFS), but, being in a new school, in a new country and the DD of another teacher made it a bit harder.
To say she was gutted would be downplaying her reaction. What made it worse was, through the tears she said that I'd be telling her the tooth fairy didn't exist next.
I do think what I did was for the best.

It is so tough isn't it?

Tough love says a loving source should break it to them but then you sort of want them to work it out don't you so you don't have to directly break their little hearts.

We sat ds down when he was 11yrs old as his friends were mocking him
and he demanded to know the truth so we told him . We were called liars and he cried but after a couple of hours he was glad we told him the truth .
DH told ds that he (dh)was "santa" and one day when Ds was a daddy Ds would be "santa" too for his dc's .
Ds still gets excited at Christmas /Easter time and he plays along with the pretense for his younger sisters sake
Just be honest with him Op - Good luck .

My little boy is 10 and mildly autistic so in lots of way very innocent and still believes in Santa, Easter Bunny etc. His sister is 8 and I think she is maybe starting to wonder about it all and it doesn't bother me if friends at school tell her they are not real, she can agree and pretend at home. But generally hubby and I go along with it for them for now. I think it is best letting them "come out of it themselves" with may be a few hints. I also agree with one or two posts about may be they pretend to go along with parents because it is lovely and harmless. On Saturday night, this Easter, my son already had his eggs but wanted to know that the Easter Bunny would sneak up with them. Bearing in mind he is 10, I said well he might not have time because he has to deal with the babies and the toddlers first. Maybe that is the way to go with your son, sort of phasing it out as he is getting older...I don't worry about his friends at mainstream teasing him, if they do, they do, all part of growing up but his autism also means that he quite often doesn't get hurt by what they say! He is just happy in his own world!

Don't worry too much, it's all part of growing up and preserving a little of the magic isn't a bad thing is it?

I don't understand this 'killing the magic thing'.

He is still going to be excited about Christmas.

It will still be magical.

I wouldn't flat out tell him 'there's something you should know,' kind of thing. That would just make it too big a deal. But if he asks, tell him the truth.

At 10 years old he is probably poking muddy puddles with sticks one minute and balancing fractions the next.

His life is a juxtaposition of the innocent and the serious.

He will be OK.

mutt and petitepeach - well said, agree!

bring up topic and deal with any questions with v non comittal answers... ie "what do you think" etc etc... after while he'll realise ...think he'll feel better if he can feel he's worked it out himself...

I found out when I wrote Father Christmas a letter and he replied in my dads handwriting!

I feel by ten they should know the truth, how can they possibly go into secondary school believing in Santa and the Easter Bunny?

But it still is magical! It's not the end of the magic!

DD is 10 and realised a few years ago there is no Santa. Does that stop her being insanely excited at Christmas? Does it stop the feverish anticipation and the build up and the joy?

No.

Sure, her interest in meeting Santa has waned, which has saved us from a few overpriced garden centre 'winter wonderlands' and po-faced adults dressed in elf costume.

But the magic and excitement is still absolutely there.

Even the teenagers can't sleep on Christmas eve.

I think I was 10 when my mum told me Father Chritsmas didn't exist - don't think I was too traumatised by it but the news about the tooth fairy was harder to deal with (I'd had a letter from the tooth fairy - written on my Sindy paper with a tiny pencil so she HAD to be real!) My brother (3 years younger than me) was told at the same time (I wasn't good with secrets!)

Anyway to avoid any similar problems with my sons I'm telling them from the start that Father Christmas doesn't exist - not in a really mean way but when he gets mentioned (or rather when DS1, who's 3, starts talking about "Christmas Eve" coming to bring presents - he's a bit confused about it all as I obviously don't hype it up for him!) I just say that Father Christmas doesn't really exist - he's like fairies and monsters and is just in stories. It doesn't help though as DS1 clearly wants to believe so much that he just ignores me!

giddypickle I'm going to tell him that if people say it's not true he can play along with that as it's not cool to believe when you are 11. Would that work?

We said that to our ds when he was 10 but then his friends started to Jeer him and in the end we had to tell him the truth a year later and we were called liars which made us feel worse because ds was right we had lied to him .
Looking back it would have been better if we had of been honest with him as soon as he started to Question us about santa.

Okay, totally going to get hammered here, but.....

If it is causing your DCs this much heartbreak when they find out, why lie to them in the first place? I honestly don't get it.

My parents never told us about FC, Easter Bunny, etc. It did not kill the magic of Christmas at all! Or Easter. Christmas was a superexciting time for us as a family and still is (I'm 31 ).

It was exciting because we knew our parents were creating special, secret surprises for us. We knew our dad hid the Easter eggs in the garden, but that just made it an exciting treasure hunt.

And it doesn't mean children can't appreciate the stories. This is what I never get: people wax lyrical about DCs' imaginations but then seem to think they need to believe FC etc are real in order to be excited. I never believed, but I still loved the FC story - I used to make my mum read 'The Night before Christmas' practically every evening from Oct to Xmas Day!

I don't have DCs yet but I think when I do I will tell them that these are special stories and make-believe that they can enjoy, but not that they are real and then have to reveal later that I have been lying :(

Relieved to know I'm Not Alone in this.
Still torn about it though it helps to read these posts.

That is sad, Giddy, and I wasn't having a go, honest. Just wondering. Obviously I don't know what it feels like yet.

Could you maybe let him in on the secret as a means of 'helping create the surprise' for his sister?

I plan on telling when ds is 10 he is 9 now and still believes [or i think he does]

I plan on saying now he is 10 i have to tell him a few things

santa .....not real
easter bunny....not real
tooth fairy...not real

but as he is 10 now his bedtime can be stretched by an hour

and his pocket money will go up.

I am hoping the later two things make up for the first three things.

I thought my dd (nearly 8) knew about the Easter Bunny. We never did the easter egg hunt thing, just lots of chocolate bought from us and family/friends.

So when we moved to Australia and then went to see the movie Hop I said as an aside one bedtime "of course, that's just a story - Mummy gets your eggs".

She stopped crying about 2 hours later when I invented the Easter Bilby (an Aussie animal) and then hid eggs at 5am Easter Sunday. She was completely thrilled at how 'wrong' I was.

Honestly, this parenting malarkey [buconfused]

LOL gapsagooodun