you are gonna say i am, i know i am but ahhhhhhh...

[bigbumum]

my pals house is a comlete tip.

i think she is struggling and i want to ....because i LOVE cleaning...i offer and ask her if she wants me to give her a hand with it.

Im NOT gonna ask her as i wouldnt want to embarass her in any way, but i would LOVE to roll my sleeves us and get stuck in.

She has a 6 month old baby, PND and you literally have to move stuff in order to sit down. There is a small path from the front door to the sofa, which is piled high with stuff.

BEFORE you all jump at me, i babysit for her once a week so she has a break, i have agreed to babysit for her another afternoon a week too so she can attend an appointment, i have a family and work full time so i am doing practical stuff to help and support her. (i had PND really badly so i fully understand and want to help)
I feel like offering as i have a day free next weekend to blitz the place, but dont want to upset her, offend her or anything.....

ok, tell me YABU bigbum....

just keep doing bits and pieces

its very hard to say yes but she will really apprecaite it

and you can come to mine next

Next time you do a bit, ask her if she minded.

I have a friend who 'blitzed' another friends house, and she was so hurt and angry, she said it didnt feel like her home anymore.

You sound lovely, and if anyone took offense at your kind-heartedness, well that would be a very sad thing. I think that half the reason that people don't offer to help others out more is that they are worried about offending, but really, how could anybody honestly hold it against you if you offered to clean their house out of sheer kindness. YADNBU, just an amazing friend.

What a kind friend you are bigbumum.

Tread carefully. I am just like you in that I quite like cleaning and would quite happily do someone else's. Definitely ask first, she might feel offended that you think her place is a pigsty, and upset that you think she's not coping. May be just do some bits and pieces: the kitchen, the floors, nothing personal like laundry or real tidying. Also, your idea of a pigsty might be ok for her, and if it's not doing her or her family any harm, it might be best to leave well alone. You might risk her turning down the bit of help you're giving her already and leaving herself worse off.

God, just do it! Tell her youve got loads of energy you need to burn off or you cant sleep, etc so she feels like shes doing you a favour!

Is the house being a tip a new thing, or has she always been like that?

I ask because my friend C has a friend (N) whose house is constantly like one of the worst cases on "How Clean Is Your House". Filth and clutter everywhere. She's always been the same. She isn't ill, or depressed and she doesn't have PND or any other sort of "issues". She's just manky and doesn't mind living like that.

My friend C loves cleaning and has often gone round and blitzed the place, only to watch in despair as it gradually becomes a shit hole again.

By all means clean up for her, but you might find it a bit pointless. If she doesn't care enough to clean it herself, she's unlikely to care enough to keep it clean once it's done by someone else.

Well tbh its always been cluttered to a degree, prior to baby it was pretty bad, but it has defo got much worse since she had baby, and its everything that was there before, plus more plus the baby paraphinalia.

She mentioned that her mum had been nagging her about it, (who lives miles away and comes over every few months to help with baby etc) and she is irritated by it.

I may ask her if she fancies a girly day, get her dh to take baby off for the day to his mums and me & her put on some music, buy in cookies n cakes, and get stuck in.
She will be back at work in 6 weeks, so i may say that we could get on top of it before she goes back.......

Marigolds still twitching.....

update...

so, i washed and dried up, scrubbed the sink & draining bourd, sorted out her washing (clean in the washer, just needed putting on maiden)
wiped all surfaces, and cleaned the kitchen floor.
Also did huge heap of ironing.

She told me "thanks so much for doing all that stuff, you didnt have to" ...in a nice way not stroppy.
Told her i need to be busy or i stuff myself, so actually, sheis doing me the favour.
So its all good. i will do the same again.

Gonna ask if she wants me to help her to blitz for her going back to work. think she will be ok about it.
its good to help

You sound great .
Please drop round any time. I will post you a key.

I can't see that offering to tidy/clean up would offend her, tbh. Worst thing that will happen is she'll snap a bit. You may also bring her to her senses a little bit about the mess. Go for it.

ooooh can I have you as a friend too please, bigbum?

My OCD tidy-freak friend is the only person who could get away with doing that in my house, and she now has a LO of her own so has her hands full.

Just put papers into neat piles and deal with other stuff - going through papers would be too much, even from lovely friend.

So glad she didn't mind.

OP you're a fab friend - she's lucky to have you.

I wish I had a friend that would say...'right, sit your arse down/go out for the day' and then clean!

I think it is bewildering when you are depressed and you house isn't in a great state.

YANBU

My friend just had a baby and when I was babysitting for a few hours I cleaned the kitchen and tidied up, she was so grateful because she was really struggling. I just say do it, and be friendly and as lovely as you sound in your post! Always adding 'my home gets like this all the time, no worries' after helps! Even if your home isn't!

You sound genuinely trying to help and not judgey-pants so I think she won't take it the wrong way!