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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want DM and SF to share a bath in my house?

78 replies

CharliesAngela · 25/04/2011 13:12

My mum and my step father were visiting over the weekend, but staying elsewhere. One evening there was just me at home. Mum asks if I mind if they have a bath, as the place they are staying only has showers. I say no of course, and direct step father upstairs, as mum is kindly washing up for me. I go outside to get the washing in and they've both vanished when I come back in. I take the washing upstairs to put it away to hear talking coming from the bathroom, and basically they've gone off to have a bath together.

They've been married about 6 years, so he's definitely not a father to me. I was totally freaked out and quite cross that they did this in my house with me alone there (we actually have 2 baths in separate rooms so they could have had one each!).

Go on, do your worst, AIBU to find this all really icky?

For the record, I did not say anything at all about it, I went downstairs and watched TV with the door shut.

OP posts:

Newgolddream · 25/04/2011 13:23

I was wondering to what exactly it was that "freaked you out?" And it does seem its with the intimacy - would it be different if it was your Dad, Im sorry I dont know the circumstances of your parents breakup, or if your Dad is sadly deceased or remarried for example, this might have something to do with it.

therealmrsbeckham · 25/04/2011 13:24

Actually i'm going to go against popular opinion here. I'm not a prude at all but I wouldn't have been comfotable with this either.

There's a time and a place to be intimate with your partner and i'm not sure that your daughters bath tub is that place!

DP and I wouldn't share a bath at my DM's house. I would feel disrespectful as it's her home not ours.

hairylights · 25/04/2011 13:29

I'd find it icky too.

Original poster

CharliesAngela · 25/04/2011 13:30

Thank you Mrs Beckham. Dh and I wouldn't share a bath in someone else's house either. I just wouldn't, it would never occur to me.

Newgold -my parents separated before I was born. My mum was single from then until this relationship, aside from one 'secret' affair she had with a married man when I was in my teens.

OP posts:

Nevin · 25/04/2011 13:34

But how do you know they shared a bath? He might have been in the bath and she may have needed something in the bathroom and stayed for a chat. You obviously have issues with resentment over your mother's new marriage. They didn't do anything 'wrong' in any way. If they were feeling each other up in front of you or your dc it's be one thing, but sharing a bathroom is hardly, in your words, icky.

Would you go into the bathroom (even just to get a cream or something) if your dh was in the shower or bath? Doesn't the same apply here?

BingRugmole · 25/04/2011 13:34

'There's a time and a place to be intimate with your partner and i'm not sure that your daughters bath tub is that place!'

They were having a bath FFS! Where does it say they were being 'intimate'?

And to be perfectly honest, if I'd gone all those years being single, from when you were born to now, I'd be 'being intimate' whenever and wherever I could get it.

Nevin · 25/04/2011 13:36

Actually, reading back on that it seems a bit harsh, me saying you have issues, sorry , don't mean to offend, but just trying to understand where you're coming from...

crumbletastic · 25/04/2011 13:36

Do you know they actually shared a bath, your op doesn't make this clear. Maybe they took it in turns bathing whilst the other stayed in the bathroom chatting to them. I don't have a problem with either scenario

Fernie3 · 25/04/2011 13:36

My dad remarried in his 50s (been married 4 years) I really wouldnt care if they shared a bath. I would be a little put out if I thought that they had had a "sexy" bath in my bath but just a bath wouldnt worry me.

Fernie3 · 25/04/2011 13:37

oh me and dh share baths/showers at MILs house mainly because then we get 5 mins quiet chat! rather than anything else.

Vallhala · 25/04/2011 13:39

You don't like approve of your mother very much, do you CharliesAngela?

Newgolddream · 25/04/2011 13:51

Thanks OP for explaining that, so basically that means you have grown up all your life with it just you and your Mum? Is that right? I - and I could be wrong so please dont take offence - think this isnt just about the bath but what it symbolizes - someone else in your Mums life apart from you. Its what a lot of children and teenagers have to go through when they get a step parent except you are having to face all this as an adult, and not a child.

VajazzHands · 25/04/2011 14:01

I don't think YABU. There is a time and a place and this wasn't it.

The fact that she remarried in her 60s is relevant becuase the OP is saying this is someone she is still uncomfortable with - not the same as still havign sex with the OP's dad in her 60s that someone that the OP would have grown up with and a situation she would have been used to.

I can't se why yor mum felt the need to tell you about her sex life either eurgh. Some people have no sense of privacy

maighdlin · 25/04/2011 14:14

YABU me and DH have baths together all the time. Its an intimate thing not a sexual thing. we talk about our days problems etc. its really nice and relaxing

Ephiny · 25/04/2011 14:22

YABU, you said they could use the bath so I don't see why it makes any difference to you whether they used it at the same time or one after the other. Personally I like to have the bath all to myself, and wouldn't want to share! But it's what some couples like to do, and nothing wrong with that.

As others have said, they may not even have been in the bath at the same time - not that it's any of yours or our business whether they were or not!

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 25/04/2011 14:27

My DH and I have baths together in his parents home...and Jacuzzi's....I know wha you mean OP...bu try to forget about it...it's ok. Maybe they were being eco friendly!

Balsam · 25/04/2011 14:29

YANBU. Intimate acts between couples should not take place in other peoples' houses. And it is intimate because there's nudity involved.

Original poster

CharliesAngela · 25/04/2011 14:42

Thanks everyone, I've come back from lunch and found I'm not quite as odd as originally thought and some others agree with me. Interesting to read the different views.

I think it's interesting that somepeople (like me) think sharing a bath/bathroom is intimate, and others think not.

Newgold -I have an older sibling, so not just me and her, but yes, it has been a huge adjustment watching her behave in a totally different way than what I have seen the rest of my life. Fawning all over him, footsie at dinner, behaving like a 'dutiful housewife' all the time. You're all right it's not just this one thing, of course, but then step-relationships are often complicated aren't they?

OP posts:

Newgolddream · 25/04/2011 14:46

Yes it does sound charlies that its about adjusting to a huge change in your life, as well as your Mums, seeing your Mum not only acting in a different way but overall thinking of her differently. Hope it all works out for you all.

WinkyWinkola · 25/04/2011 14:50

I think it's a bit strange to be in someone else's home and ask to share a bath. Especially if you're not staying there.

It's not an upsettig request but a bit peculiar.

I mean, so you're away from home for a few days and

WinkyWinkola · 25/04/2011 14:51

Only showers are available. You'd just get on with it wouldn't you?

Bloody iPhone. I posted before finished.

Is there a medical reason they needed a bath perhaps?

Yukana · 25/04/2011 14:53

I don't think they should share a bath in your house. At their own I think it's fine, but they should respect the fact it's your place and if you say no, it's no. I wouldn't even think of sharing a shower with DP at his parent's place!

amberleaf · 25/04/2011 15:05

YABU

You should be happy that your mum is in a happy fulfilling relationship.

It wouldnt bother me.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 25/04/2011 15:14

I think if they are staying elsewhere, asking to have a bath at your place is weird - it sounds like they felt like they needed 'time alone' even during the short time they were visiting you (a day at the most if they weren't staying)... very odd.

If they were staying with you it would seem a little less odd.

However, I would expect your Mum to have enough sense to know you are uncomfortable about her relationship with this man (well any man) and have a little more respect for your feelings. Clearly they have plenty of other time to do what couples do - no need to rub it in your nose.

Selfish I think.

RunAwayWife · 25/04/2011 15:17

I think that is just nasty

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