AIBU: Bedtimes

[Counterstrike]

To send my DD(13) to bed at 9pm, the same time as her brother(11) and sister(4)?

You jest right? Why should she go to bed at the same time as a four year old? Surely 10.30 is more appropriate.

9pm is fine for a 13 and 11 year old but not for a 4 year old IMO

Are you being serious?
The 4 year-old stays up till 9?
And I think it would be far fairer to have staggered bedtimes for different ages.
Unless there is a problem with exessive tiredness that you haven't mentione?
Also, when sent to bed, it would be fair to give some time for reading and settling down before lights-out too.

The 4yr old should be in bed long before 9pm. The teenager should be able to stay up much later. The 11 year old should be able to stay up a bit later than that during the holidays and weekends I would have thought.

yes, you are certainly being ureasonable.

apart from anything else, 9pm is ridiculously late for a 4yr old!

Bedtimes should be appropriate to age.

a 4 yr old needs about 10-12 hours a night.

your older children need about 8 or 9 hours.

So your 4 yr old should be going to bed about 7pm. or 8pm

then you could have your 11yr old go at 830 and your 13 yr old at 9.

or your 11 yr old at 9 and 13 yr old at 930

The four year old gets up at 6am anyway, the 11yo 7am but dd(13) has trouble getting up in the mornings for school?

My dd is 11 and when she can't get up her bedtime is moved 30 minutes earlier each day she doesn't get up. She soon learns to get up.

That's definitely not enough sleep for a 4yr old and absolutely won't be enough once the 4yr old is in Infant and then Junior school.

Fine for the 11yr old imo but should be later for the 13yr old unless there is a real problem getting up in the morning.

I think it's a sensible time for a 13 year old. I had to go to bed at 9pm at that age but was allowed to read once in bed. I would personally have a 4 year old in bed by 7pm though.

4yo= 7:30pm
11yo=8:30pm
13yo=9:30pm

Done.

My 12 year old goes to bed at 9pm and my 5 year old goes to bed at 7pm .

4y - nursery night 7.30pm, weekend and holidays 8pm or a little later
7y - school night 8pm, weekend and holidays 9pm

My 3 year old is generally always in bed for 7, certainly no later than 730pm. My 9 year old has a 9pm bed time on a chool night and a bit later if its not a school night.

Dont get why they all have to have the same bedtime?

school even

My 13 year old doesn't have a bed time, she goes when she is tired and is pretty good at self regulating. She needs more sleep now than when she was 11, which is something to do with the brain rewiring itself.
Some nights like last night it was 12 ,other nights she will put herself to bed at 8.30. She has to get a train for school, never misses it and nowadays actually gets one half an hour earlier than needed.
Once they get to teenagers I don't think it's fair to control their bed time too much, although if they are not getting up then it would be worth rethinking. The release of melatonin that makes you sleepy also gets later and later so even if you sent them to bed they may not feel sleepy

YABU your dd (a teen) should have a later bedtime than a pre schooler.

I always staggered bedtimes so as to spend time individually with each of them before they went to bed.

There has to be extra entitlements that come with the extra responsibilities of getting older.

I would say a 4 year old should be in bed for 7.30pm, an 11 year old for 9pm and a 13 year old for 9.30pm.

4 yo 7.30 pm
7 yo 8.00 pm

I think you should stagger bedtimes and 9 pm is far too late for a 4 year old.

Like Bruffin though once mine got to teens they pretty much chose their own bedtime according to how tired they were and how much sleep they needed.

OP - why do you want them to go to bed at the same time?

My lot go at 9pm schoolnights at the age of 12. When they're 13, it'll be 9.30pm. They did this at 11 too. A 4 year old, however, ought to be in bed long before that. You're treating the 13 year old as a baby.

I think YABU to insist on it for the 13yo if that's not what they want.

However I knew there would be tons of posts jumping on a 9pm bedtime for a 4yo. My 4yo is rarely asleep much earlier than 9 (although in bed between 8&9). If you believe they 10-12 hours at that age (although here, as with all things, individual needs vary greatly), he wakes up and gets up at 7.30am, that's 10.5 solid hours every night- what's the problem?

If you believe they NEED 10-12 hours, obv.

When I was 11 years old my bedtime was 9pm. At 13 years old it was 10pm. I think that was pretty reasonable.

YABU.

If I were you I'd use these times, approximately:

4 yr - 7-7.30
7 yr - 8-8.30
13 yr- 9.30-10

Assuming they all get up at around between 6.30 and 7.30 then they'll all be having enough sleep and the eldest won't feel so aggrieved and babied.