To have some things that just belong to me and not for the use of whole family

[lawstudentmum]

This is a moan - I know that ! but...is it unreasonable to have some things in the house that just belong to me.

I'll give examples - my laptop - should this be for just my use - or is it alright that my dd goes on facebook on it, when she see's that it is on - I am a student and I work at the kitchen table - so often laptop is on, when I do a quick chore in between working, I'll come back and she is on it.

Make-up / bath stuff - When I go to put bath bubbles in - all gone !

Food - I'm on a diet - so why is it that my diet food gets eaten first, and not be me ! Suddenly no one fancies the other stuff in the fridge.

Is this being selfish and should I just share whats mine? Or...should I have a right to somethings - everyone else in this house have their own stuff and I don't use it. Oh yes last one - Mobile phone - when dd's run out of credit, find them ringing on mine.

Chipping I had to think what I was disagreeing with!! It was this bit 'I think children/teenagers can just tend to see Mum as Mum and not a 'person' what's hers is mine and what's mine is mine whereas other people are different.'

(I think ........ I'm getting easly confused today I have to say!)

I have some lovely Hallumi in the fridge if you fancy some with a glass of wine... rocket, cherry tomatoes, balsamic - grilled haloumi.... tempting yet?

That's what I'm having for tea!!!! In a wrap because it is easy to do. Guess what DS1 has already nicked half a block of hallumi (good job I've hidden a block!)

One thing they will never touch is my Green andBlacks Butterscotch stash.
They would immediatly become homeless if they did that!

Oh the handbag is another thing nobodies dares enter.

Even now if DS's ask for something and I say it's in my bag, in the hall, get it out they won't. They (and DH ) always hand me the bag and won't go in.

(Must be a scary place in there!)

YANBU at all! I have stuff thats just mine too. Hubby has stuff thats just his. dd has TONS of stuff thats just hers!!

You know what I am going to do - go up the road and buy an Easter Egg - and then I am going to hide it by my bed - and then tonight I am going to have a glass of wine and I am going to eat the WHOLE easter egg !! On my own - dd is out, dh is out !

and then I am going to the bathroom, and put my couple of nice bits and bobs on a shelf in the bathroom cabinet - MY SHELF. and then I am going to make a nice desk for MYSELF in the spare bedroom - and the stuff on that desk is for me to do my Uni work and my business work - MY DESK. anything on it will belong to me...

Now all I have to do is let the family know the plan... no..I think I will just do it and then let them know. No GCSE revision to be done on my desk! She can do it on the desk she has...easy bit first - then the hard bit - making sure that the MY desk doesn't turn into the US / ANYONES desk.

Your Easter egg plan reminds me of the horror of an Easter morning when I discovered that my sisters had eaten my lovely Cadbury's egg but had taken care not to disturb the foil that was visible from the front. All that was left was the purple foil. [sob]

Hide your egg well!

- Oh I will !! I am on a diet so should not be eating this - but the day I have had - I am going to !

Now...the big question which egg ? prob. what is left on the shelf, but I don't care as it will be allllll mine !! (evil laugh )

me and my three sisters would never dream of touching our mums stuff when we were teenagers. if we wanted to borrow/use something we asked first.

from toddlerhood we knew mum and dads room was out of bounds, which made sneaking in very exciting when we were children, but even then we knew not to touch their stuff.

It is selfish, as in it is for yourself, and you are thinking of yourself. But this is a GOOD thing! As mothers I believe we are expected to be entirely unselfish and reserve nothing for ourselves, and bollocks to that IMO.

I think that it is better to reserve something for yourself - otherwise it gets to the situation that I find myself in now - where I am fuming inside and I know that I am going to blow soon - and I don't want that to happen.

I feel that I need something - the rest of the family have things for themselves - that are precious to them. Why not me? I see my stuff getting ruined all the time - For example, my hobby is Art ( when I get time) and I have saved up to buy my bits and bobs - but dd has no problem using my art stuff - messing it up and leaving it on her bedroom floor - where it then gets ruined. I've had enough - or is it just that I am having a bad day!

I totally agree with you and that was what I was trying to say on my other posts.

Up until recently we had one main family computer adn DH has his buisness laptop. We ended up wiht a load of viruses because of kids going on different websites. Dh bought me my own lap top and it is clear cut what goes on it.

DS1 has unintentionly trashed bikes over the years ,not being bad but by being a kid. So like I before I won't let him use my bike. My current one cost £1,500 a couple of years ago which was a lot then so there is no way he can have regular access to it!

Thats the point - they are not bad - just kids !!

....and because they are just kids they need to learn to respect others property . I don't mean that in a harsh nasty way but if they don't it will cost a fortune replacing things that are 'yours' when they accidently break them. I can't affort to have my tent trashed, my bike broke, my bike computer getting lost, that's why I have cut off points.
I let them have use of my books, my tools, my bike pump and the like but anything major and it's a no.

I don't lend to friends either. Ever. Not unless I don't mind not getting it back and if they do return I feel it's a bonus!!

There's not much I claim for myself but it pisses me off when they use things I have said are mine only because they both know I have a stupid amount of allergies. If they eat my food then they've still got plenty and i've got nothing left.

Same with skin stuff...ds wanted something for dry hands..fine, so take one of many tubs people buy me for Christmas rather than the one thing I can use.

I don't let them use my laptop, they have their own. Not wanting any viruses on this one thanks!

Survived B&Q - I didn't manage to get what I needed - but I still managed to spend a fortune on boring, boring, stuff!

Textfan - have I said anywhere that it was a parenting flaw due to being a single parent? I'll help you out, the answer is 'NO'. Try knocking the chip off of your shoulder and read what is written!

LawStudentMum - you said and yes, I believe that if he had been here from the start dd my not take as much of my stuff - but I don't think it is a single parents issue thing - it is a boundary issue thing - which I think that came about because I let dd become used to treating ALL stuff in the house as ours and not some of it belonging to me - that really illustrates my point [bugrin] often when there is only one parent (or two parents and one child) the boundaries are more blurred, it changes the dynamics of the parents/children, you are more of a 'unit', less of an adult/child (I think often in a really good way) and 'stuff' is often 'ours' rather than mine/yours.

The Plan sounds good - have you sorted it all out yet? I couldn't cope with not having my own things and my own space!

Upahill - the sacred G&B I think a lot of men & children find handbags very scary.... it's not a bad thing!! I went to see a show the other day (live recorded) and there was a guy on the door asking if he could check our handbags - it was funny (and pointless!) he clearly didn't want to be doing it because he was barely opening the top, put his hand over the top while looking away and moved to the next person - I could have had a small child in there and he wouldn't have found it! [bugrin]

I started with the bathroom cabinet - and then my dd came home early - the party had been cancelled ( or she had fallen out with friend) one of the two - I was at the time in the bathroom cabinet and I felt like I had been caught doing something wrong !

"what are you doing? why is all my stuff out on the bath?"

Me - " I am tidying the bathroom - oh, by the way - this is my shelf with my stuff on it - this is your shelf - please do not touch my stuff, thank you "

DD " Ok - if that is how you want to be - you better not touch any of my stuff - that is my hand cream by the way that you have put on your shelf"

Me " No its not - you gave it to me for Christmas!!!"

"oh" as she walks out of the bathroom - think this could be a bit of the battle of the wills - I didn't want it to get to this is mine this is yours - but I think until she gets it - it will be for a while - Am doing desk now!!

Saving the chocolate - didn't get an egg in the end - just a bar.

It could be a little tense for a while [bugrin]

I think you might need to have a little chat about how you are feeling like you don't have anything that's yours no things, no space - nothing. Get her to see that she has her room and her things that you don't use/touch and just say you need the same. That as much as you love being her Mum, you need your own identity/things/space too.

As she came home early I'm guessing she wasn't in the best of moods anyway! Probably not the best time to find your Mum rearranging your life bathroom things!

Yes - not the best of timing - anyway off to bed now - If I can sleep with the teenage party going on next door

Over heard next doors teenage daughters mum saying that she hadn't been asked if people could come over tonight and that she was angry about it.

Looks like teenager won that battle as loads of teenagers running around with music playing - the poor mum !! Maybe I should offer her my Easter Egg and tell her about mn

Seems to be a common problem this not saying "no" to them in fear of upsetting.

Night all x