to be pissedoff with DH for nighttime txts

[bigpinkellie]

Background: DH recently left his job and started with a new company. We moved across the country for new job. He has been overseas for a month on a training course.

While he was away a girl from the old company also handed in her notice and is hoping to move into the industry that DH has just entered.

She is having a bit of a wobble about quitting the old company to move into new industry and I think she's probably been looking to DH for both career advice/reassurance as he has done it. As she is still in the first location this contact is phone, txt & Facebook.

DH's phone just went and it was her asking if he got back from his overseas trip. He asked me to read it out to him as he was busy.

I thought it was odd for her to do this (don't people have better things to do on their bank holiday w/e?) so scrolled up the conversation to see what she's like/how much contact they have (because I'm quite nosy yes, but DH was with me I wasn't sneaking around)

There was a txt conversation from a couple of nights ago where she had sent messages to DH saying things like
"I'm so sad"
"I've had too much to drink and the others (colleagues) have left me"
"I'm all alone"

All quite needy txts, which tbh were pointless as DH was a) overseas at the time and b) doesn't live locally anymore anyway. Surely if she was drunk alone & feeling vulnerable it would make more sense to txt a friend locally, a colleague, a taxi.... Just anyone but an ex-colleague who now lives a few hundred miles away.

DH proceeded to send replies
EG. Have you got enough money, can you get a proper taxi, don't get a mini cab, take a paracetamol, have you brushed you teeth (?!) well into the early hours.... And obv she kept sending replies to those sounding all sad & pathetic

FFS, she's in her mid-20s, and he's not her husband.... Tbh they're not even good friends. Id never heard of her til we left.

AIBU to be pissed off that hours after I say goodnight to my husband overseas on a business trip, he's txting this girl making sure she's got a taxi, brushed her teeth and is feeling better after an emotional night.

The txting resumed at 7am... I'm feeling rough... Poor you... Etc.

I must be pretty naive - I thought me & 23 week old DS at home were the only ones he txted at night before bed and to say good morning to.

Am I a fruitloop? Am I normal?

[ZacharyQuack]

Perhaps you could address it with your DH that from a woman's point of view you think she sounds very needy and you're concerned that if he encourages her too much that she could become a problem. Rather that trying to tell him that you think he's done something wrong.

Suggest that he ignores her late night texts and don't reply until middle of the next morning, thereby giving her the opportunity to find another support system.

It doesn't sound like he's done anything wrong, but it may be a bit of an ego-boost for him chatting with a younger woman.

[loopylou6]

I don't think he's about to have an affair but his behaviour is highly inappropriate, I wouldn't be at all impressed if my DH did this. It's quite clear that this lady has her sights set on your DH and tbh he's actively encouraging her and giving off the wrong signals whilst engaging in all the midnight texting.

Tell him it stops and it stops now

[constantlywrong]

I don't think he's done anything wrong, from the sounds of it he's quite sweet and isn't reading into this what she is.

She sounds like a bit of a moaning minnie though, and SHE is being inappropriate.

[IhearyouClemFandango]

The "who I can be friends with" line is so familiar.

[gannett]

I thought me & 23 week old DS at home were the only ones he txted at night before bed and to say good morning to.

You're being weirdly territorial.

This woman is being inappropriate and not very professional, but this is not that unusual in young people relatively new to the workforce and obviously struggling a bit. She may have a crush on your husband or she may just be needy and see him as someone she can trust with her worries - that doesn't matter because he's being appropriate, professional and kind in his responses.

I'd be very happy that my partner was showing concern for someone who was obviously a bit of a mess.

I don't get why the timing of any of it matters. I send plenty of texts last thing at night and first thing in the morning, to all sorts of people, including when travelling for work. DP certainly doesn't have a monopoly on being the last person I message.