AIBU to think this is a bit rude of a host/hostess?

[TheVisitors]

(call me a chicken if you like but ....name changer just in case the hostess in question is on here )

DP has asked me to post this as he was interested to see what MN had to say. It happened a few weeks ago.

We were invited to friends for the weekend. DP has known these people for 20-25 years. I have known them since being with DP (so about 15 years). We only manage to meet up every 1-2years

We have a 3.5hr journey arriving mid-late evening and arrive at almost exactly at the time we estimated, so not really late or anything.

When we get there the 'dad' is there with the children but the 'mum' is out at the pub with friends, not a special occasion or party but just 'in the pub'. She doesn't come home for over an hour after she is texted by her DH to say we've arrived.

Is this rude or not?

[nethunsreject]

Very rude

[TheVisitors]

squeakytoy-surely a guest is a guest regardless of whether they are your friend/your husbands friend/a stranger?

[NestaFiesta]

YANBU. rude. If you see her every 1 or 2 years, then she's got 1-2 years to have "her" time. If anyone did that to me I would feel unwelcome or as if the host was making a point or a protest.

[stoatie]

I didn't think it rude but think I have been conditioned by OHs family. We used to live near them yet could only ever visit between 7 and 8 on Sunday - Ok not a problem. Accepted that MIL wasn't into grandchildren etc and got on with it. Eventually moved to be near my family (over 100 miles away). After birth of youngest child, OH arranged a suitable weekend to visit. Saw his dad (they are divorced) then eldest children went to see friends and would then go to MILs for tea.

It was winter and pissing it down, we were somewhat stuck as to where to go with youngest (about 10 weeks old so no trouble at all). Rang MIL - could we visit a bit earlier than allotted time slot (did explain we only had youngest with us at present). No, couldn't visit as MIL was planning to look at new fridges. We assumed her fridge had broken so understood and went to a pub with soft play area (not that we sould use it but only vaguely baby friendly place open).

At agreed time we all went to visit MIL, I was sympathetic about how annoying it must be for fridge to have broken, "oh it's not broken, we are thinking of redoing kitchen at some point this year and fancied a look at fridges!" - She could have gone at anytime but no way would she change her plans for anything!!!

Needless to say visits are now limited (think she has visited us twice since we moved several years ago ) - am I bothered - not

[stealthcat]

It is a bit rude. Does she dislike you?

[TheVisitors]

lol at stoatie coming lower than a fridge in MIL's pecking order. Sounds like a lucky escape though

stealthcat -maybe she does but why would she then be making suggestions to spends (lots) more time together? Believe me, she is not the sort of person to go through things because of a sense of duty. She can also be quite blunt in her opinions and won't sugar-coat her views.

[ravenAK]

I suppose I could see it as reasonable if, in her head, you're primarily mates of her dh; dh & I definitely have 'his', 'mine' & 'our' friends, & dh might well not rush home if he knew I'd be catching up with one of my oldest friends - not to be rude, but just because he'd correctly assume that we'd be gossiping about other friends from way back when & it wouldn't interest or include him.

That doesn't seem to apply if you've all known each other for 15 years though!

[holderness]

Given all of the background then yes she is incredibly rude.

She is saying she wants to meet up more frequently but is making it quite obvious from her actions that no such thing is desirable.

I am very closely related to someone like this (of the 'oh we really MUST do this more often' variety -not the rudeness) she doesn't mean a word of it as she never ever would (nor never has) initiate a meeting.

I wouldn't go out of my way to go and see them again personally unless you get more out of the trip than simply connecting with old friends.