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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bit rude of a host/hostess?

58 replies

TheVisitors · 22/04/2011 17:46

(call me a chicken if you like but ....name changer just in case the hostess in question is on here Smile)

DP has asked me to post this as he was interested to see what MN had to say. It happened a few weeks ago.

We were invited to friends for the weekend. DP has known these people for 20-25 years. I have known them since being with DP (so about 15 years). We only manage to meet up every 1-2years

We have a 3.5hr journey arriving mid-late evening and arrive at almost exactly at the time we estimated, so not really late or anything.

When we get there the 'dad' is there with the children but the 'mum' is out at the pub with friends, not a special occasion or party but just 'in the pub'. She doesn't come home for over an hour after she is texted by her DH to say we've arrived.

Is this rude or not?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheVisitors · 22/04/2011 18:44

So it does seem as if the majority decision is that its rude which is what we felt but didn't know if we were over-reacting. i appreciate though that some people wouldn't be offended.

TBH, every time we meet, she does quite a few things that we find a bit Hmm or out-and-out rude so wondered if this had affected our judgement about the being in the pub when guests arrive. We are left wondering if she even wanted us to visit, yet at the same time she wants us to spend more time together???

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 22/04/2011 18:47

HOLY COW

that is incredibly rude, that is shocking

it's beyond crap -- how can you be in any doubt

moondog · 22/04/2011 18:48

Bloody rude. I'd be well pissed off.
What time was it?
Was there dinner waiting?

When we have old friends over it's a big welcome with Champagne, a big dinner, big fuss, the works.

We once travelled about 7 hours to see a family member on New Year's Day and arrived as they were all finsihing a big spread. Were shoved in a dining room and given bread and butter and reheated stew while they sat next door and watched tv.

Won;t be going there again.

Gooseberrybushes · 22/04/2011 18:49

Moondog I am totally with you (once again).

Some people were dragged up.

moondog · 22/04/2011 18:50

What is the point of having friends if you don't make a fuss of them???

Gooseberrybushes · 22/04/2011 18:53

Astonishing isn't it.

If someone was driving three to four hours to see us there would be a roast on, timed for pretty soon after they arrived, sparkling wine on ice, and any children out would have to be brought home or make their own way home. Things would be organised around the guest. OBVIOUSLY. Bloody hell. What are some people like. How can this need pointing out.

Old friends - just as much reason to make an effort. They are precious.

Original poster
TheVisitors · 22/04/2011 18:54

We got there about 9pm and had said thats what time we'd be there (had already agreed that we'd eat early before leaving so need for a meal on arrival).

Obviously would have texted them if we'd been delayed in any way.

moondog -Shock at the non-welcome you received

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 22/04/2011 18:54

we can't afford champagne moon [busad]

moondog · 22/04/2011 18:56

Ah, the Champagne isn't the point though, it's the welcome, so it doesn't matter what you have as long as it is given with warmth and kindness.

If someone arrived at my house at 9 I would insist on making them something to eat, even if just nibbles.

What was the rest of the stay like?

Original poster
TheVisitors · 22/04/2011 19:00

moondog -the rest of the stay was like it tends to be with them -one minute it seems to be going fine, next minute she does/says something that really makes you wonder why they bothered inviting you and whether she actually wants you there.

The strange thing is she wants to spend more time with us?

OP posts:
Earlybird · 22/04/2011 19:06

What does your dh make of this behaviour - given that he's known them longer (and presumably knows them/her better) than you?

Does her dh give any reaction to this behaviour, or apologise? Or is he oblivious to it?

moondog · 22/04/2011 19:07

How long did yuo stay?
What did you do the whole time?
I am intrigued.
Bad manners when hosting guests is one of my pet hates.

Earlybird · 22/04/2011 19:08

So, just to get this straight: you and dh arrive around 9, and she doesn't appear until after 10?

Was she tipsy?

sleepingsowell · 22/04/2011 19:11

TheVisitors, I think it's true that you have to judge people by what they do, not what they say. She says she wants you to spend more time together but her actions don't back that up, do they?
Next time she says it, why not challenge her on it? "Do you really want to spend more time with us, because when you say/do x,y,z it makes us feel as if we are not welcome".

Original poster
TheVisitors · 22/04/2011 19:11

DP thinks shes rude and always has done.

He's very good friends with the DH so puts up with it really.

As for the DH...I really wonder why he never stands up to her or says anything about her behaviour. He just seems to accept it. Thats a whole other thread that could run and run though......

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 22/04/2011 19:15

I'm beggining to think the DH of the couple is my cousin (see my earlier post for how we were treated). The wife sounds scarily familiar. And horribly rude!

Original poster
TheVisitors · 22/04/2011 19:15

To answer questions...

-we stayed 2 nights
-when she got back from the pub yes she'd had a fair bit
-we went out during the day (both families together to child-friendly places) so thankfully weren't stuck there feeling overlookedWink

OP posts:
Earlybird · 22/04/2011 19:17

Maybe she has a drink problem?

Gooseberrybushes · 22/04/2011 19:17

I hope you now know you can save yourself the petrol money next time.

Original poster
TheVisitors · 22/04/2011 19:18

TidyDancer -I don't think its the same person (did panic for a bit though Grin).

It just seems there are more rude hosts/hostesses around than I first realised

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 22/04/2011 19:20

Did your husband become friends with her because he knew her husband first?

If so, then she sees you as the wife of one of her husbands mates maybe, and not specifically "her" friend.

moondog · 22/04/2011 19:21

Did they cook you a meal on the 2nd night?
How were your sleeping arrangements, breakfast, treatment of kids and so on?

TidyDancer · 22/04/2011 19:22

Cousin's wife is usually nice to be fair, a bit pretentious and stand-offish, but generally well behaved. It's just when she does things you want to [bushock] at, she does them in style! I am willing my cousin to stand up for himself whenever I see them together. The sad thing is, she comes from a lovely family, she's just a bit odd and rude.

PrincessScrumpy · 22/04/2011 19:27

was rude but not worth getting stressed over. You don't have her side of the story so hard to make a judgement.

hairylights · 22/04/2011 19:33

Yabu. So what if she was having a bit of "her" time before having house guests for the weekend. Not rude IMO.

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