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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not stop my DC's playing in the garden because it upsets someones dog?

109 replies

ozzysocks · 21/04/2011 20:44

I have 3DC, DS1 is 7, DS2 is 4 and DD is 8 weeks. We are lucky enough to have an 80ft garden at the end of which we have a trampoline and climbing frame. This easter hols we have been out at parks etc most of the week but came home this afternoon at 2pm with my SIL and her 3 DCs aged 4,3 and 7 months. They all played in the garden until 4pm when we let the older ones watch a film inside. At 5.30 a man came to the door and talked to SIL while I was BFing DD upstairs, I could hear he was annoyed about something, so I stopped and went to the door.
I asked how I could help as I lived here not SIL, after angrily muttering about having to repeat himself he told me he wanted to complain about the children's noise! He arrived home from to find his wife very upset. Apparently the children screamed all afternoon Confused (they didn't, there was a couple of tantrums which were resolved within 5 mins and a water fight at one point with some shouting). Apparently this noise disturbs their dog and makes it bark which in turn upset the wife??? Confused
I explained we had visitors today and he said well its happened before. I guess we do sometimes have BBQ's with friends and their kids, but never going on too late. I said well they are young children and I didn't think there was any problem with playing in their own garden. I also pointed its not our fault that they have a neurotic dog and also mentioned that there are lots of children in the surrounding gardens at which point he said "yes, you are not the only people I've spoken to". My SIL said she didn't think they were being too loud, he replied "yes well maybe you are used to the noise but our children have grown up and left home"Hmm I was polite to him and said If the boys screamed incessantly (not likely to happen!) then of course I would tell them to be stop, but explained that I would not be able to or want to stop my children enjoying themselves in their own garden. My boys are always in bed by 7.30 and are polite well behaved kids who just like to be boisterous and have fun in their own space!
AIBU? What should I have said? Time for Wine I think

OP posts:
shesparkles · 21/04/2011 21:24

We had a crabby neighbour like this till 6 months ago-bloody whingebag!

They need to train their dog properly so it doesn't bark when someone looks at it the wrong way!

therealmrsbeckham · 21/04/2011 21:25

ddubsgirl that's awful.

I'd have gone balistic at anybody speaking to my DC like that. Angry on your behalf

sb6699 · 21/04/2011 21:26

I can imagine that late into the evening on a regular basis would start to grate on a neighbours' nerves but the middle of the afternoon!

My neighbours are all middle-aged and their dc's have flown the nest so understandably I as a bit worried that the noise from my brood might upset them.

Not to be - shortly after we moved in one of them stopped me and remarked that it was lovely to have a family move in and the sound of the children playing was joyful Smile

ddubsgirl · 21/04/2011 21:29

i can count on my fingers the number of times my kids have played in the garden in the 3 yrs we have lived here cos of them moaning all the time,they get told to f off round the park,which yes we have a park and lovely footy courts but kids get beaten up round there so dont go anymore,get moaned at if they play out the front with the other kids round here and nextdoor have a camera in front of the house so use that to scare all the kids! its a bloody joke!

fidelma · 21/04/2011 21:30

I wish my neighbours would say that the children playing was joyful!!!

OP sounds normal and acceptable.

I also think they should give the dog away and find a good retirement home.

springbokdoc · 21/04/2011 21:31

Oh he needs to get a grip. If it was from 9 till 5 then yes it would be a bit much. But two and a half hours?? Get over it. The comment that would have sealed it for me was the 'you're not the only person I've spoken to'. Really? So multiple people have used the glorious day to have a family day out enjoying the fresh air? At some point, it's not me but you.

I have no idea why but this has really got on my tits.

AimingForSerenity · 21/04/2011 21:31

Some people will complain about anything. We once had neighbours with teenagers who thought it was ok to drink and play loud music until 2 or 3am but would complain about any noise in our garden before lunchtime. Oddly they couldn't understand the idea that maybe we could all compromise a little, they just thought we should fit in with them.

Luckily our next neighbour was a retired gentleman who lived alone but said there was no sound cheered him up like that of children being happy. He would deliberately leave his windows open on summer evenings!

FIL had a farm and would often find people who bought houses backing onto his fields because they wanted to live in the country were the ones who came to complain about the noise of tractors or harvesters (or even cows!) He used to inform his neighbours in advance of the muckspreading but still used to get complaints. These people moved to the countryside only to complain about it!

Original poster
ozzysocks · 21/04/2011 21:34

sb6699 yes most of our neighbours are older with dc's left and they have all been very happy to see and hear my ds's. They have remarked how lovely ds's are and we often get xmas presents/cards from our closest neighbours. I had never seen this guy today and hope I won't again.

ddubsgirl thats awful, they sound horrible Angry

OP posts:
MollieO · 21/04/2011 21:34

I was out in my garden yesterday. My secondary school teacher neighbour two doors down had his music so loud (an unfortunately regular occurrence at all hours during school holidays) that I felt as if I was in a nightclub. My elderly and partially deaf mum couldn't hear it at all. However she can hear the incessant screaming of her neighbour's children (who are further away than my teacher near neighbour). She comes over to my house and always asks why Ds doesn't scream! Answer because I am considerate of my neighbours!

DooinMeCleanin · 21/04/2011 21:44

My dog barks when there are children playing in the alley behind our yard. It goes right through me, so I bring him inside the house. The barking stops. It's really easy. You could suggest this to your neighbour.

YANBU btw

MaisyMooCow · 21/04/2011 21:59

It's about balance at the end of the day. From what you say OP it's not normally so noisy in your garden. You had visitors today and you have the occasional BBQ. I don't think it's too much to ask from your neighbour to put up with.

However, if it was happening every day then that's a different story.

I have a family which backs onto me and and they have other kids around too. It gets so noisy every day during the holidays and every weekend in the good weather. I think the sound of kids laughing and playing is lovely but when they start screaming and crying it gets a bit much. The odd tantrum is ok but sometimes it gets out of hand and you really want to parents to step in and shut them up!!!!

Scuttlebutter · 21/04/2011 22:32

This really resonates with me. Yes of course children play. But, here's the thing. Our neighbours have two trampolines - their gardens run at right angles to ours - so they are right at the end of their gardens. The trampoline brings in a lot of extra noise - shrieking and earsplitting wailing. Even worse, we now have no privacy in our living room, since we have bouncing children peering over our already eight feet high fence. DH is spending the Easter holidays erecting even higher/thicker trellising on top of the fence, and continuing to train our climbers. There really IS a middle way between "My kids, making as much as noise as they like" and the silence of the monastery. AIBU to be cynical that mysteriously all gardens with trampolines seem to put them right down the bottom and not too near the house? And yes of course I played as a child, but we were told in no uncertain terms to respect our neighbours, and we didn't have trampolines allowing us to do aeriel surveillance on people living nearby.

Vallhala · 21/04/2011 22:43

There seem to be two issues here - noisy children and his dog. Yes, high level/persistant/late at night etc noise is unacceptable and in that I sympathise with anyone suffering it. However according to you that isn't the case.

Nonetheless, if it is causing upset maybe look at ways of reducing the noise by moving the trampoline or whatever?

That his dog barks when he hears noise is his problem... in fact, you could complain to him about his dog! He is responsible for training his dog not to bark... it isn't good for him, his neighbours or his poor stressed dog.

I have three dogs, they're doubtless over-indulged and the love of my life. I was once told on here that I was "dog-centric". It was meant as an insult but I was happy to agree and take it as a compliment! However I don't have much sympathy for your neighbour and his weird ideas. had he merely said to you that your DC and visitors were disturbing him and asked you to keep it down, fair enough, had he complained because the DC were winding the dog up deliberately I'd have been fully supportive of him but he didn't and frankly I think that he's a bit odd!

hairfullofsnakes · 21/04/2011 22:50

You are in NO way being unreasonable and he is being totally unreasonable

  • he can't expect people to not play and enjoy themselves in their own garden! I sometimes find the noise from other gardens a little irritating but that's life and I would not dream of telling people to be quiet!

Can me and my kids come over? The LO has a specially impressive screech! Wink

corsa100 · 21/04/2011 22:58

Would I not allow my children to play in my garden because it upsets some grumpy bastards dog? No chance!

My kids, my garden. Dogs should be trained to bark at people who may pose a risk, not kids playing. Tell him to call the police. And remind him that noise is allowed between the hours of 8am and 10 pm. Stupid, miserable git!

ILoveYouToo · 21/04/2011 23:05

I agree with Scuttlebutter on this, so much so that I'm just going to copy & paste what said... Grin

This really resonates with me. Yes of course children play. But, here's the thing. Our neighbours have two trampolines - their gardens run at right angles to ours - so they are right at the end of their gardens. The trampoline brings in a lot of extra noise - shrieking and earsplitting wailing. Even worse, we now have no privacy in our living room, since we have bouncing children peering over our already eight feet high fence. DH is spending the Easter holidays erecting even higher/thicker trellising on top of the fence, and continuing to train our climbers. There really IS a middle way between "My kids, making as much as noise as they like" and the silence of the monastery. AIBU to be cynical that mysteriously all gardens with trampolines seem to put them right down the bottom and not too near the house? And yes of course I played as a child, but we were told in no uncertain terms to respect our neighbours, and we didn't have trampolines allowing us to do aeriel surveillance on people living nearby.

squeakytoy · 21/04/2011 23:11

My kids, my garden

Sums up a selfish attitude, I am afraid.

I would love to have my music blasting out as I do my gardening... but I dont..

When my dog is barking at the crows who sit on the fence winding him up, I bring him in, or tell him to shush.

Because I have consideration for the other people who live around "my garden".

HansieMom · 21/04/2011 23:19

I agree with a middle coursechildren playing is okay but children screaming is not! I'm grandparent age. We have a family with five kids next doortheir land is about 100' from my house, and two summers ago they screamed all day long. But last summer the screaming wasn't there, maybe someone asked them to quiet it down. There is no need to scream!

corsa100 · 21/04/2011 23:21

Sorry but I would choose to live in a house with a nice garden to accomodate my children. Dogs should be trained to know who should be about and who should not - as my own dog is! My dog growls at at a noise during the night. The noise of children playing during the day does not bother him in the slightest.

Why should my children not be able to play in their own garden because some dog owner cannot control their dog?

pingu2209 · 21/04/2011 23:25

If my dc were in my/their garden, I would expect them to act the way the wished (within the law). If my dc wanted to shout and scream all day then it is their right in their garden. If the law changes to include screaming/crying children as a nuisance then clearly I would change my children's behaviour, but until then, I let my children shout and fight and play all day long.

If my neighbours don't like it then tough!

squeakytoy · 21/04/2011 23:26

So you basically dont give a shit about your neighbours right to any peace then Pingu? Hmm

midlandsmumof4 · 21/04/2011 23:34

Kids play, dogs bark...simples.Grin

corsa100 · 21/04/2011 23:38

If my kids get on my tits when shrieking and playing I fetch them in. If my dog were to get on my tits barking because he ever became excited about children playing I would fetch him in....... Not hard is it?

midlandsmumof4 · 21/04/2011 23:48

Corsa...NO. Thank goodness for a bit of common sense.

justusfive · 21/04/2011 23:55

Corsa and Midland its a bit of a no brainer isnt it? Kids play up, bring them in. Dog barks about nothing, bring him in.

Squeakytoy should we have to put up with your dog barking just because he is a dog? Or should you have enough sense to take him indoors if he becomes upset about children playing?