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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To act carefully purely because of previous MN threads?

33 replies

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 21/04/2011 20:05

Aaaaargh! Tis an annoying neighbour's child thread. I have read several in a similar vein and I am worried we will end up the same!

The boy next door is 7 and has taken to staring in at the window (we are sort of a semi detached thing and share a front lawn). Been going on occasionally since we moved here in 2008, but recently got worse as DD started playing out more (she's 3). They play together outside (no other children around here, mostly DINKYs) and that's fine, he's quite sweet really. I don't think he gets much attention from his parents but obviously I'm just going on what I see outside so I may be wrong.

But OMG the staring! All the time. Even when we say it's dinnertime he's watching. Due to heat we now have windows open and he pokes his head in. Even if DH closes the curtains.

He's also now starting to hint at coming over and asking to share dinner - if DD has a DVD on he'll try to watch and ask us to turn the telly round, and has shown us all the wii games he can bring. Today he ended up on our sofa when DD came in briefly to change her shoes. He stands at the window making puppy dog eyes and mock praying!

In principle I'd quite like to invite him over but having seen so many MN threads I know it'll end up happening aaaall the time and I'll be eaten out of house and home. And I'd love to be the kind of mum where DCs friends wander in and out and think I'm the coolest mum ever eat home made cookies, but it is unfeasable right now! Due to a distinct lack of space, time and money and a massive amount of stress in our lives.

Now I am not about to complain to his parents or anything, because he's not doing any harm, but AIBU to be rather wary of starting something I can't keep up with, and therefore not invite him in?

OP posts:

crashingwaves · 21/04/2011 20:07

Not at all - what is a DINKY!?

That said I don't see the harm in him being around sometimes - but the mock praying is a bit much, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but at 7, I think he should know that is a bit cheeky.

mitochondria · 21/04/2011 20:08

YANBU. Don't start feeding him!

nethunsreject · 21/04/2011 20:10

DO NOT LET HIM IN!

You need to create a bit of distance.

He'll lose interst soon, given his age, but just be polite, friendly, but cool.

jojowest · 21/04/2011 20:10

do you think he is not being fed at home by any chance

Original poster

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 21/04/2011 20:12

Dinky is Dual Income No Kids Yet - young couples usually, we have lots here mostly air stewards etc.

OP posts:

beesimo · 21/04/2011 20:13

I think he may be a unwanted little cuckoo who is yearning for a new nicer nest!

Original poster

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 21/04/2011 20:15

I don't think he's not getting fed. I'm thinking he's bored.

Tbh I didn't really think of the praying - or anything else - as cheeky. It seems like he really has no clue of boundaries etc?

OP posts:

crashingwaves · 21/04/2011 20:17

Ah I see, thank you :) I don't know, I was brought up quite strictly to be honest but I know I wouldn't have dreamed of pretending to pray or something. I was brought up to WAIT TO BE ASKED!

nethunsreject · 21/04/2011 20:18

The staring would drive me demented.

Get blinds.

nulliusxinxverbax · 21/04/2011 20:22

It may be a sad case of not very well looked after child, after some dinner and company.

On the other hand, he may be a distant relative of the child from hell who lives in my street. I honestly never thought id only have bad things to say about a child, like to see some good in them all, but honestly, shes a brat.

She stalks us, stealth bullies my child, and is extremely cheeky, encouraging my DD to jump out of a window once!!! She didnt obviously, as I was stood there and heard CFH (Child From Hell) tell her to do this.
She has snuck in my home and stolen my childs things, she hit my child with a plank of wood, GGGRRR GGGRR GGGRR she makes me angry.
The list is endless but basically she has been banned from mine for two years but still every holiday shes back stalking us.

The first year I lived here, her mother popped round, "oh hi, this is my lovely DD, wants to play" la la la. Thats lovely I thought. An hour later she drops off CFH's younger brother. By the end of the day Ive gone from having one child to NINE aged between 10 years and 18 months.
It wouldnt suprise me if your stalker has what I call a "piss take mom", who knows full well youll let him in and feed him, so tells him to come to yours.
Just Say No!

saturdayschild · 21/04/2011 20:22

He'll get bored with time if you ignore but there's nothing wrong with just asking him firmly and politely to just stop. He's old enough to cope with that and do as asked. And so what if he tells his parents, it will just highlight to them that he is doing something a bit odd and hopefully they'll address it.

PrincessFiorimonde · 21/04/2011 20:40

Is his name Damien?

NestaFiesta · 21/04/2011 20:42

YANBU. We had similar in our old house. The next door neighbours kids would hang over the fence and stare into our house whilst we were having breakfast or anything at all. Whenever we used the garden they would question us endlessly. If we had a barbecue they would stand tehre and stare and ask to be included.

They had nice parents and a good home. I think half the time the parents didn't realise how annoying they were being. Can't suggest any advice really, maybe talk nicely to the parents? We moved house- problem solved! But a bit drastic maybe in your case.

MissPaintyOeuf · 21/04/2011 20:45

Aww, sounds like he's bored and lonely. YANBU to want to nip it in the bud though.

gkys · 21/04/2011 20:48

poor kid bet he is bored, speak to the mom about the window thing, but let him come round, (the novelty will wear off because of the age gap), but set time boundaries, of course i may be wrong and he may want to move in

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 21/04/2011 20:52

Shoo him away! Make shooing gestures at him and say SHOO! Go on! Away! and he will go! It sounds like he is ignored or bollocked...so get a bit less nice...he wont be offended by the sound of it! Thick skin.

Original poster

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 21/04/2011 23:05

He just doesn't get it though. We say quite firmly "you need to go now, as we are having dinner" and he'll go for five minutes and then come back and ask if DD is finished yet

OP posts:

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 21/04/2011 23:07

God how infuriating! Well then if it were me, I would have a word with his parents!

You said you didn't want to...I understand that...but he's harrassing you and intruding.

Katisha · 21/04/2011 23:09

I think you need t ogo and suss out the parents. Can you take him home next time and explain to them that you are about to eat and dont really want to see him back in 5 mins?

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 22/04/2011 07:19

You need to tell him to stop.

"please don't stare into my home. It is bad manners."

And when he does it, don't just look back at him. get up, go over, say stop. Go home.

And if he wants to come round, give him a time. "You can come back at 6oclock." that should stop him coming back every 5 minutes.

and say no some days. Just because. It helps stop them feeling like they've got the right to come round.

Bucharest · 22/04/2011 07:31

Bless.
Yes, just tell him to stop with the staring, have him round when you feel like it,and not when you don't, but without being nasty,...he just sounds a bit lonely and socially inept.

That said, a laddo on my Aunt's street, when he was only about 5, just used to walk into their house and sit on the sofa, and they'd be "who the feckity is this?". He did turn out to be one you'd cross the road to avoid. (I know because he impregnated my wayward half-sister with a Midwich cuckoo) (not when he was still 5 obviously,many years later )

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 22/04/2011 07:36

Yes. Firm but nice tone of voice. No need to be nasty, I agree.

tbh, it sounds like the sort of thing my two might do, if I ever let them out the house without me. (they have autism)

Parietal · 22/04/2011 07:50

I do wonder if he is neglected at home, to want to be out of his own house so often. You could make some 'visitors rules' for him - eg he can visit 5-6pm on Tuesday & thursday (or whatever you can cope with) and no staring.

Original poster

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 22/04/2011 22:32

Hmm I think neglected is too strong a term here. I don't know, I read so much on MN about not jumping to conclusions.

I do feel sorry for him though. Today I asked him in a pointed way, "don't you want to spend some time with your family?" - they were visiting and were sitting outside his door about a metre away. He looked sad and said they weren't doing anything with him. To be fair they'd been ignoring him for the 2 hours he was chatting to DD.

OP posts:

hairfullofsnakes · 22/04/2011 22:41

You need to talk to his parents. Are you sure he is not neglected? Sounds very sad!

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