To act carefully purely because of previous MN threads?

[FriedEggyAndSlippery]

Aaaaargh! Tis an annoying neighbour's child thread. I have read several in a similar vein and I am worried we will end up the same!

The boy next door is 7 and has taken to staring in at the window (we are sort of a semi detached thing and share a front lawn). Been going on occasionally since we moved here in 2008, but recently got worse as DD started playing out more (she's 3). They play together outside (no other children around here, mostly DINKYs) and that's fine, he's quite sweet really. I don't think he gets much attention from his parents but obviously I'm just going on what I see outside so I may be wrong.

But OMG the staring! All the time. Even when we say it's dinnertime he's watching. Due to heat we now have windows open and he pokes his head in. Even if DH closes the curtains.

He's also now starting to hint at coming over and asking to share dinner - if DD has a DVD on he'll try to watch and ask us to turn the telly round, and has shown us all the wii games he can bring. Today he ended up on our sofa when DD came in briefly to change her shoes. He stands at the window making puppy dog eyes and mock praying!

In principle I'd quite like to invite him over but having seen so many MN threads I know it'll end up happening aaaall the time and I'll be eaten out of house and home. And I'd love to be the kind of mum where DCs friends wander in and out and think I'm the coolest mum ever eat home made cookies, but it is unfeasable right now! Due to a distinct lack of space, time and money and a massive amount of stress in our lives.

Now I am not about to complain to his parents or anything, because he's not doing any harm, but AIBU to be rather wary of starting something I can't keep up with, and therefore not invite him in?

Be specific - he wants to spend time with your family (that's a compliment btw!) and is too young, or whatever, to understand social graces. don['t pull the curtains for goodness sake, hoping he'll take the hint! OR shoo him away like a stray dog!! . He's a human being fgs. I do wonder that you are flummuxed by a child of 7 tbh (sorry) - just be clear and specific, as you would be to an adult. He's putting up with a lot of rejection which does suggest he's used to it and thinks that's normal but that's not your concern: just treat him with respect. If you don't want him there, tell him so (kindly) and be specific about when he can come back. He'll enjoy the boundaries, is probably awash in his own lack of.

When he comes in, do his parents know where he is? His behaviour sounds like that of a child who is old enough to be out playing alone, knocking for friends etc.
There is no way I'd have a 7 year old boy in my house without his parents knowing. When he's just staring, ask him not to. When he asks to come in then tell him you both need to check with his parents.
If they do know, because they can see him doing the puppy eyes and praying (boggle) then it's easy for you to talk to them about you feeling a little uncomfortable about it.
Being the house where all the kids pile round might be lovely, but your DD is only 3 so I can't imagine it's something you want to really be doing now.

I'm sure the kid is harmless but he isn't your responsibility. Coming from the other side of the situation, when I was younger, my parents felt sorry for a little boy down the street who always tried to make conversation (with them, not me as I was early teens and he was a few years younger) and they started to let him in the house when he said he was locked out, then started feeding him, and before they knew it, he was ringing the doorbell all hours of the day and night to ask to be let in.

Considering my dad was a policeman and my mum a teacher, I thought their actions were rather naive but this was still the early 80s, I suppose.

Anyway, my parents spoke to his parents and his visits became less frequent. However, our car tyres were slashed, bins upturned and milk bottles emptied onto the drive - he was eventually caught by my dad at 6am outside our house. He never came anywhere near our house again.

A rather extreme case but nevertheless you never know what you are letting yourself in for.

fgs all you nasty people hes 6 years old and wants a friend ok a little bit ott but if hes not getting enough attention at home hes probably desperate to have someone like the op who obviously cares about her child

We have neighbors down the street like this. Ugh.

I've found that the advice posted by others is what works- just be very firm, give him a specific time to come back, etc.

My dd takes to stalking my poor neighbours from time to time, especialy in this nice weather. they are your so called DINKYs. the made the mistake of once saying how lovely she was and engaged with her ..suckers.

she sits at thier gate just watching and waiting...untill I catch her and send her in. she gets bored and fed up when just her and I home.

I think neglect is too strong a term tbh. At 7 his parents may not even realise he is doing it. I think its pretty normal for a child wanting a play mate. You should re read this thread when your dc is 5 or 6 and you wiil recognise your dc will probably do similar.

Charlene I don't think I'm being nasty am I? :( I am firm but fair I think and tbh I put up with more than I should. I don't mind them playing and he's harmless I just don't want to set a precedent of 'come over whenever you want'

I could try the time thing. Today I said no to a visit, and see you tomorrow, because we had friends over (his parents heard this) he was back within a few minutes and they didn't call him away or interact with him for over 2hrs.

I have to admit we do not have a very good view of the parents - but it's just a feeling iyswim? No overwhelming evidence. I didn't want to start listing the little reasons in the OP as I imagined my judgypants would be burned to a crisp.

I would definately not encourage it (not that i'm saying you are), i've had my nerves frazzled by the lack of privacy living here. Same thing, kids staring through my windows, watching our tv...having to keep the windows closed on hot days because they'd shove their heads through them and try to chat to us. It's harmless enough but makes me very uncomfortable to be watched in my own home.

The kids who used to do that have grown up a bit now and are actually a nightmare, abusive to my kids etc.