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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a tiny bit fuming at this ebayer?

32 replies

dandycandyjellybean · 21/04/2011 19:36

Won an item last night, and arranged to collect it this evening. It was in the next town from me, about 20 mins away. I had to be there to collect something else between 4 and 5, so asked if this was convenient.

Text retuned saying 6 better for me pls. So I said no prob. So my 5 yr old ds and I kill over an hour mooching round the shops, etc. I ended up stuck in a huge queue in a supermarket, then in rush hour traffic, and didn't arrive until 20 past. HOld my hands up and admit that it is bad on my behalf to be 20 mins late, although the house is on a massive main road, very near a huge busy junction with crossings and lights and such and it actually took me over ten minutes to negotiate all these until I was pointing in the right direction to pull up outside her house, in quite dangerouse proximity to the junction and on double yellows, but was the only place to park, bulky item couldn't be carried very far.

Had heard text come in whilst doing this but couldn't stop to check, and when I looked there was a message saying I am outside my house looking for you as I have to go out in a minute, that was at 5 pst 6.

Knocked the door several times, texted her, and left message on ansa phone. Waited 15 mins but because of the danger/double yellows etc, I then left. Plus my ds was pretty fractious by this time.

Surely, if you have arranged for someone to collect a bulky item (i.e. not just a case of handing over an envelope at the door, time needed to negotiate it out of building and into a car on a busy road) giving them a 15 min window to do this, with no advance heads up is unreasonable?

Do you think this email sounds reasonable, don't want to reveal my true peed offness coz I don't want bad feedback:

Hi, it seems we missed one another this afternoon. I was not one hundred per cent sure where your house was, and, when I realised, ended up stuck in the usual traffic around that area at that time, hence not getting there until 20 past. I banged several times, then text and left you a message on yr mobile. I couldn't wait indefinitely there as it is double yellow lines and the volume of traffic made it dangerous, plus I had my little boy with me, and as we had already killed over an hour in Nxxxx, he was getting understandably fractious and hungry. Would it be possible to arrange another time for collection, one with perhaps just a little more leeway?

Many thanks,

OP posts:

CrapBag · 21/04/2011 19:39

Sounds fine to me.

As a buyer, you can't be left negative feedback anyway so if you want to be a bit more pissed off, you can be. I would be. 20 minutes isn't that bad when you are going somewhere you have never been before.

penguin73 · 21/04/2011 19:40

Sorry, I think YABU not to have contacted her to let her know you would be late. 20 mins with no contact and no reply to a text I had sent would make me unwilling to hang on 'just in case' if I had somewhere else to be.

Original poster

dandycandyjellybean · 21/04/2011 19:44

I was driving the whole 20 mins and more so couldn't text, was stuck in slow moving traffic so couldn't pull over or text for safetly reasons. And I suppose the point I'm making is that if you have somewhere else to be in 20 mins, that's not the best time to arrange a collection?

OP posts:

Lucyinthepie · 21/04/2011 19:44

20 minutes is no time when someone is finding your house for the first time, and you know that the traffic is heavy. And how could Op let the seller know she was having problems in traffic? Pigeon post? She could use her mobile after all, as that would be illegal.

Lucyinthepie · 21/04/2011 19:45

That was Couldn't use her mobile of course...

penguin73 · 21/04/2011 19:47

Depends - if she said 6 knowing that this gave her enough time to hand over the item and leave then she isn't being unreasonable. Maybe it wasn't possible for her to build in time just in case you didn't turn up when you said you would as she was getting in and going straight out again. Until you speak to her you can't know her reasons but I do think an apology for messing her around somewhere in your e-mail wouldn't have gone amiss.

johnthepong · 21/04/2011 19:47

Sorry YABU I would have tried to get to the house earlier rather than later, instead of mooching around in a supermarket.

CrapBag · 21/04/2011 19:48

Exactly, I don't answer texts when I am driving and as you didn't answer, as a seller I would have assumed it was because you were driving.

penguin73 · 21/04/2011 19:48

20 mins would be a lot of time if I had to be somewhere else and didn't want to be late! She could have pulled over - that is possible in slow moving traffic!!

PinotGrigioBlush · 21/04/2011 19:48

Great email. Don't be any ruder as you have to see her at collection.

Rise above and enjoy the view from the high road :)

OkeeDoeKee · 21/04/2011 19:49

They should have told you that they had just a small window for you to collect or told you outright that it wasn't convenient.

It sounds a bit bizzarre to be honest. It sounds like you had been allocated a 5 minute time slot and that was it. You had already said initially between 4 and 5. You don't think they meant come between 5 and 6 rather than 6 on the dot???

CrapBag · 21/04/2011 19:49

The seller couldn't do earlier so why should the OP have tried to go there earlier? She may have been out. Why should you turn up early when you have been told a time, only to have to sit around outside?

macdoodle · 21/04/2011 19:49

Hmmm well I can see her point if maybe she needed to pick a child up then she couldnt really hang around, especially if it sounds like it was going to take extra time to get it into your car.
I think you are probably a teeny bit U.

microfight · 21/04/2011 19:50

You should have contacted BUT no 20 mins is no ridiculous. What is crazy is her leaving a 5 minute window for you!

johnthepong · 21/04/2011 19:51

I would turn up early because then I would know I am at least in the right place rather than waste time finding it! (I get really annoyed by lateness, can you tell??!!)
It is a bit odd to go out 5 mins after the allocated time but maybe it was unavoidable.

emsyj · 21/04/2011 19:57

Agree with the other posters who say she should have told you if she only had a brief window when she would be available. I had someone wanting to collect something from me that I had put on Freecycle and the day they chose was really busy for me, so I said I would be in from 6.15pm but had to go out again at 6.45pm and so it had to be between those times if they were collecting on that day. I thought that was fair and so did they.

I think your email is a bit rude tbh. I would make it utterly bland and neutral and take out all the stuff about entertaining your DS and killing time at the shops etc. It isn't her fault that you wanted to collect at a particular time and that you ended up hanging around in order to avoid a second trip.

So she was BU not to warn you that she would be going out at 6.05pm and you would BU to send your slightly rude email. IMO.

Loie159 · 21/04/2011 20:00

you cant get neg feedback from a seller. As a buyer you can leave negative feedback and they can respond, and comment about what you have said (to justify something) but ebay removed the right for a seller to leave a neg post about a buyer a few years ago. I sell loads of stuff on ebay and run my own business and we use ebay to sell things there as well. So dont worry on that account.

Rather than email could you not call her / him as sometimes things sound more grumpy in an email than they are meant to... but YADNBU - it is outrageous for her to give someone 5 minutes leeway when they are travelling from another town. when I sell I normally say I have to be out by xxx and give them a couple of hours to come to collect it. Also if she needed to collect her child or go to an urgent appt she should have told you that when she arranged the collection time and then you and ds could have got to hers early and sat in the car if needed.

Good luck sorting it out.

Original poster

dandycandyjellybean · 21/04/2011 20:01

Yes emsyj, wrote the email as soon as I got home, and haven't sent it, coz I knew it was ott really, just needed to vent!

OP posts:

emsyj · 21/04/2011 20:02

Ah, I do the same thing myself often!

Original poster

dandycandyjellybean · 21/04/2011 20:02

How about:

Hi, it seems we missed one another this afternoon. Would it be possible to arrange another time for collection, one with perhaps just a little more leeway?

Many thanks,

OP posts:

penguin73 · 21/04/2011 20:06

or:

Hi, I'm sorry I was late and we missed one another this afternoon. Would it be possible to arrange another time for collection, one with perhaps just a little more leeway?

Many thanks

Original poster

dandycandyjellybean · 21/04/2011 20:16

Thanks penguin73 much better.

OP posts:

TethersEnd · 21/04/2011 20:21

Whether she or you ABU is neither here nor there (and she WAS being U)...

Your message sounds snippy.

She could just decide not to sell it to you.

Be nice until money changes hands and goods are in your boot.

Then slate her.

I have amended your message:

Hi, it seems we missed one another this afternoon as I was stuck in traffic and was 20 minutes late. Would it be possible to arrange another time for collection please?

Leave it at that, seriously. If she's mental enough to go out 5 mins after an arranged pick up time, she's mental enough to refuse to sell you the item.

Leave the issue for feedback.

TethersEnd · 21/04/2011 20:22

xpost with penguin.

Original poster

dandycandyjellybean · 21/04/2011 20:28

Thanks tethersend (love the name by the way) should have mentioned the traffic, she must know it's a problem where she lives it is notorious; but I've sent it now! Hey ho, we'll see. and believe me, snippy doesn't even begin to describe how i was feeling at the time.

In my defense, which is no defense at all really, I was already having a really bad day for several different reasons, and then just before I left came to the realisation that my lovely cat had finally stopped eating and is dying and so small annoyances suddenly loom large!!!

Lets hope she's in a forgiving mood, or just a lovely person who had an emergency. But not a horrible one, obviously. will stop digging now

need

OP posts:

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