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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

NEED ADVICE ON THIS ONE....

47 replies

flyinstar · 21/04/2011 00:47

was in the garden this evening ,when my next door neighbour asked if she could have a word,she said" can you move your trampoline,as when your kids bounce on it, it is causing my pergoda to wobble",.i said"but we only moved it there this morning",she said"i know,but the man we had to fix it last year,said it was because of your kids jumping on the trampoline".nothing apparently to do with the fact that they decided to build the supports for a pergoda on top of a small single storey wall that is really old.to cut a long story short,i would move trampoline,to keep peace,if i need to.
now i am a fairly amicable person,and i do not want to get into a war with my neighbour,but the next remark(one of many over the last five years,has got me really angry at her).
we have a son with special needs who screams (when he is happy or sad),he is autistic,and has severe uncontrolled epilepsy.
she said,and by the way your sons screaming,is so loud in my living room,that i can,t hear myself think".now to be fair he is loud,but what does she expect me to do,he is who he is....
but this on top of remarks like"the council should of notified us,(she has bought her home) before moving someone like into there",.it was like the straw that broke the camels back tonight,can,t believe some people can be so unfeeling towards someone with special needs,
aibu,to feel as upset as i do,because ,i really did feel like slapping her,but i did walk away,saying",i don,t know what you expect me to do about that,i can,t gag him",she didn,t answer me......
what would you do?......

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 21/04/2011 00:55

nothing......nothing at all

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 21/04/2011 00:59

Rude bitch - leave the trampoline where it is and encourage the kids to enjoy it while the weather is nice :)

GKlimt · 21/04/2011 01:09

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

smallmotherbigheart · 21/04/2011 02:11

tell her to f off, the rude cow!! Honestly!! What does she expect you to do?? Tell her to shut her flaming cake hole!!

iscream · 21/04/2011 08:08

I guess she will have to move if she isn't happy next to your son. What a mean person she must be to say that to you.

blueeyedmonster · 21/04/2011 08:12

What a bitch, leave it where it is and ignore her

maddy68 · 21/04/2011 08:15

how upsetting for you. it is through her ignorance though, does she realise that he cant help it you are not just letting him randomly scream?
I have kids that live at the back of us and they are so loud! they cannot talk to each other its full on shouting all the time, they could of course have hearing issues or something but it doesnt stop it being really irritating and spoiling my own use of the garden.
YANBU but perhaps you could explain the reasons why?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 21/04/2011 08:22

Back again :)

Make sure your trampoline is sitting properly - totally flat, dig a couple of holes for the 'lower' legs if you need to, but just make sure there's no 'give' at any point on it - more for your kids sake than hers... but anyway, if it's flat on the ground there's no way it should be causing her pergoda to wobble. I doubt it is anyway - I think she just wants you to move the noisy child with... shock horror.... SN away from her pergoda/peaceful place in the garden. Hard luck. IF she had been nice & honest and said 'Is there anychance you could move your trampoline elsewhere in the garden because it's right next to my pergoda, which is hard to move and when the children are playing it's really noisy' - I'd have done my best to accomodate her, but anyone who speaks like that about a child with SN deserves it to rain on her pergoda 24/7/52 whilst your kids and the rest of the street play in your garden

goodbyemrschips · 21/04/2011 08:23

Very upsetting for you, but I would not like to live next door to anyone who disturbs my peace, especially in my lounge.

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 21/04/2011 08:27

flyinstar

What an utter cow!

And I say this as the nieghbour of people who have just bought a very noisy trampoline and half the village kids have been on it and screechingall day every day for the last week - more power to them I say they're having and a bloody ball and I want to join in!

I'll come and lend you our bouncy castle and huge paddling pool if you want so your son can enjoy himself even more in your garden....
:)

hairylights · 21/04/2011 08:28

"she said,and by the way your sons screaming,is so loud in my living room,that i can,t hear myself think".now to be fair he is loud,but what does she expect me to do,he is who he is...."

Om the noise issue, i get it totally, but flip it. Just why should she put up with noise that's so loud it penetrates her space to that degree? It can be rely awful not being able to get any peace in your own home because of things outside your own control. You need to compromise on outside playtime.

Her other remarks are really out of order though and I can understand why you're so upset :(

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 21/04/2011 08:33

am frankly a bit that people are saying your child should be quiet outside because (through no fault of his own) he's noisy inside.. If it were someone deliberately turning music up I could see you point, but...sorry I am speechless

hairylights · 21/04/2011 08:35

I'm not saying he should be quiet outside. I'm saying op should compromise.

cjel · 21/04/2011 08:40

poor you I feel sad for you. It might be unbearable for her I'm stressed with constant noise. BUT you have it all the time!!! Try not to let her upset you and don't rise to answer her when there is nothing you can do, Has anyone explained ds problems or does she just think he is naughty, maybe a note through the door explaining might be less agrevating? Hope you and your family have happy summer on trampoline.xxxx

lljkk · 21/04/2011 08:41

I think hairylights is right, in that you could offer to make sure your son is indoors at certain times (so she can have reasonably peaceful outside space then, and you can know that you have tried to do right by her). But beyond that she is a witch and not worth your time and energy to worry about.

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 21/04/2011 08:41

hairylights - it wasn't just you, but how would you suggest the OP 'compromise'?

IMissSleep · 21/04/2011 08:43

My brother is austisic. He's noisey and would shout and scream alot as a child. Nothing you can do, it's his way of expressing himself. Tell her to mind her own. My sister is not autistic but can also be noisey! Kids will be kids.

emsyj · 21/04/2011 08:57

Hmm, well I totally understand you being upset and given that your DS cannot help the noise he makes it was a bit pointless for the neighbour to say what she did.... But I don't think all the name-calling on this thread about how horrible she is is really fair. Tbh I would be really pissed off if I suffered neighbour noise in this way.

If (as you allude to in your OP) you are in council housing, I think it would be reasonable for the council to house you in a detached property if possible as clearly your DS is going to create a certain amount of noise and it would be fairer all round for you to be in a property where he could at least make noise indoors without disturbing neighbours.

As it stands, I can't see what the solution is other than for your neighbour to move, but probably the next person would have the same issue. Occasional neighbour noise is fine (the odd party etc) but regular noise is really hard to live with and I wonder how many of the outraged posters on this thread would feel differently if they had ever lived with it. I have moved because of neighbour noise.

Vallhala · 21/04/2011 09:04

I suggest you gag your SN child, thereby not offending your neighbour or causing other posters to suggest your council finds a (probably) non existant detatched house and makes you move. Because change and upheaval will do wonders for your SN child, won't it?

Alternatively you could invite the whole fecking street over to play on the trampoline...

I know which I'd do.

hairylights · 21/04/2011 09:09

Liza short periods outside, move activity closer to her own house, limit time outdoors to after nine am and no later than seven pm. (I realise this may already be the case). It really affects your quality of life if you can't get peace and quiet in your own home even with windows shut.

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 21/04/2011 09:09

Valhalla

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 21/04/2011 09:11

hairy as opposed to affecting your quality of life if you have SN?

emsyj · 21/04/2011 09:21

I don't see anything wrong with my suggestion that the OP and her children should be housed appropriately. If you use a wheelchair, you need a property that is accessible to a wheelchair. If you are elderly and infirm then you may be better off in a bungalow than a sixteenth-floor flat in a building with a dodgy lift. If your child has SN and that causes him to scream loudly on a regular basis, you need to be housed such that this doesn't cause excessive disturbance to other people.

hairylights · 21/04/2011 09:31

Liza yes. We ALL have to compromise in life. Believe me I am less than ignorant on what life is like for SN children and their families. however, everyone is entitled to a little peace and quiet in their own home.

Compromise is part of being a human being, unless you want to live somewhere isolated.

Hammy02 · 21/04/2011 09:38

I would move the trampoline. You can't control your DC's noise and your neighbour is already having to put up with this. You can control the location of the trampoline so a decent compromise would be to move it. I have a very low threshold for noise so even though your DC's noise is no-one's fault, it would drive me mad.

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