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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To phone the police & ask them to go to my mothers house?

77 replies

Bohica · 20/04/2011 19:45

I'm miles away with no car today & 3 children in bed.
I've had a call to tell me that my mother has not been seen or spoken to since yesterday.

My mother is an alcholic, she is attending AA meetings & has been clear for 3 months.

When I last spoke to her on monday she was feeling down with everything & said she had had a drink on saturday. I told her to go to extra meetings & do everything she could to get things back on track quickly.

She phoned work & friends yesterday telling them she wasn't going to work that day as she was going to the hospital (priory) for a day visit, now I know that's not true because they know she has had a drink so she isn't allowed onsite for 5 days.

A friend of the family went to my mothers home yesterday evening & heard her talking to herself trough the open bedroom window & cursing the phone that kept ringing (that was me calling her)

I know we can't stop her drinking even though it is heart breaking for us all but I can't get the thought that maybe she has fallen over drunk or done something even more stupid out of my head.

I don't have a key to get into her home even if I could find a way of getting to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bohica · 20/04/2011 20:35

The police have called me from my mothers house. She is alive albeit drunk.
That's a good thing although the fact that she has ignored all of our calls & knocks for 2 days is upsetting.

Groovee I'm sorry you are having similar problems, it so hard isn't it?

Thank you all for holding my hand.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/04/2011 20:38

Thats good news.

Maybe this will jolt her back to AA and stopping drinking again. 3 months isnt a bad period of time, and its hopefully just a blip this week.

SwearyMary · 20/04/2011 20:38

Oh, I am relieved. What a worry for you. I hope she sobers up and gets back to her rehab and AA meetings as it sounds like she was doing so well.
Try to relax a little now and enjoy the rest of the evening.

cheepcheepchoconora · 20/04/2011 20:40

glad she is alive... fingers crossed she is able to get back on top of it and back to AA

brightermornings · 20/04/2011 20:40

I'm glad your mum is safe you did the right thing.

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 20/04/2011 20:41

Ah there you are! She's fine.

KurriKurri · 20/04/2011 20:41

That's a relief Bohica, I'm glad she's safe.

BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 20/04/2011 20:41

Bohica, so glad she's safe.

Have you ever been to any of the Al-Anon meetings yourself?

They are for families of alcoholics, and I found them invaluable when a family member was drinking.

But mostly, glad you called the police, and pleased they took you seriously enough and were helpful.

kaid100 · 20/04/2011 20:47

I stand corrected Skinitting.

kaid100 · 20/04/2011 20:50

That's good to hear Bohica, I'm glad she's safe :)

GiselleS · 20/04/2011 20:54

Hi Bohica, I'm really sorry that you, and you mother, are going through this.

Just to echo Beaker's point, it is really worth going to the meetings.

Wishing you all the best.

LisamumtoJake · 20/04/2011 21:03

I'm glad she's safe, my late dad used to do this alot, more often than not i had to call police or someone to go check as i was miles away as well and at that time not driving, it's hard also to know they don't answer to you or what not, makes you feel worse :(

Original poster
Bohica · 20/04/2011 21:45

Sorry I went away, had some dinner & got into my pj's.

I hope this is just a blip for her, she has done really well & it has been lovely having a mother who remembers your phonecalls & remembers to ask about your day instead of just placing a quick pre-drink binge call to stop me calling her.

Do you know what makes me sooo angry is that she called me in tears a few days ago telling me she couldn't afford to buy milk so I offered to take her some money over - we have vey little spare especially when the girls are on school holidays.
She was grateful for my offer & told me she would be at work so I could put the money £30 through her door.

She wasn't at work, she was hidden at home & spent my lastish £30 on scotch Sad

OP posts:
LisamumtoJake · 20/04/2011 21:51

Same happened with me Bohica at the beginning of last year, my father told me he had no power on meter, so i went and posted some money through door cause i didnt get an answer, anyhow hours later i get call from police, he'd been in a state and i happened to ask about his power, well it was still on a £ and he had spent money on you know what, i was absolutely skint too!

Original poster
Bohica · 20/04/2011 22:00

Lisa makes you fuming mad doesn't it.

I know it's an illness & only my mother can make the choice to stop but she knows how much it affects us all & has still decided to cut us all off & drink.

I don't really know what to do next, supose I will have to wait & see if she calls me & not judge her.

I did start to look into Al-Anon but my mother then got admitted into the Priory & things started to look better than they have for years.

OP posts:
thebestisyettocome · 20/04/2011 22:01

So pleased she's OK and well done the Police who were good enough to check up on her. I hope once she sobers up she carries on with the programme Smile

Original poster
Bohica · 20/04/2011 22:12

So do I bestis.

The police were very good about it all, I phoned the non emergency number & they put me through to the emergency operator who took a little history & sent a vehicle straight over.

I have now had one of my mothers work friends on the phone telling me how angry myy mother is with me for "wasting police time" Hmm

OP posts:
BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 20/04/2011 22:21

Al-Anon is not just for support whilst your family member/friend is drinking.
The group I attended was run by a woman whose husband had been sober for 15 years.

Original poster
Bohica · 20/04/2011 22:32

Thank you Beaker I will have a look.

Its all quiet here now so I am guessing the drama is over for tonight.

Again, thank you all for your help & no doubt I will be back.

OP posts:
giraffesCantDanceWhileSober · 20/04/2011 23:00

glad she alive, hope she gets better soon (that sounds crap, you know what I am meaning I hope!)

TheDailyWail · 20/04/2011 23:17

Then your mums friend isn't really that much of a friend if she couldn't defend your reasons for calling police.

Sorry you have had to deal with this.

iscream · 21/04/2011 08:58

So sorry, I know how rough it is.
Your mum's work friend may not really understand what happened, or else she is stupid. Or maybe she is just a trouble maker?
When certain persons that I know ask or hint for money for food, we bring them the food. I have learned never to give them cash.

Eggphemia · 21/04/2011 09:04

So sorry to hear about your problems. Sad

I went through similar with a friend of mine years ago; her mother was an alcoholic her whole life and went through a phase of going out for walks at odd hours and being found by the police in strange places. Sad

I wish you strength to deal with this awful situation.

Original poster
Bohica · 21/04/2011 11:25

We had a night of threatening text messages & some were really nasty & others were asking us to look after her grandchildren.
At around 4am she started sending messages about the men in white taxis outside her house - that can't be alchol can it?

I'm trying to speak to her doctor but not getting much luck & the priory won't speak to me under patient confidentiality.

My mother has unplugged the phone this morning & we have heard nothing since 4am.

I don't know what to do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bohica · 21/04/2011 11:26

Sorry about the rushed replys but its busy here & I'm trying not to let the girls over hear/see to much Sad

OP posts:
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