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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have no clue as to why i feel extremely depressed on my days off work?!

50 replies

OTTMummA · 20/04/2011 18:23

Thats it really, when i am at work, i am so busy i don't feel it, then the morning of a day off i just have this heavy dark cloud hanging over me all day.
sometimes i just sit and stare into space, or cry, i don't have any energy to do anything, i might clean the kitchen or bathroom, but thats it.
It is really starting to affect me, i am normaly a positive person, although i have suffered from depression on and off for over 12 yrs, i have not been medicated for about a yr now, and have felt ok until janurary i suppose, but it is getting worse and worse, but i have no idea why.

I am starting to think i should just go to work everyday to keep me busy so i can not feel like this.
I should enjoy free time, but it just makes me feel so shit it is unreal.
I don't particularly want to go back on medication tbh, the last lot made me feel so emotionally detached it was scary.

OP posts:

atswimtwolengths · 20/04/2011 18:34

It sounds as though sitting around doing nothing makes you feel lethargic, which in turn makes you feel depressed, which then makes you even more lethargic.

What about making a plan for the day? Start with having a shower and washing your hair before anyone else has left the house, so that you're ready to go. Do you take children to school? You need to get yourself out first thing. Just wondering whether it would help you to join a gym. Exercise is really good for depression. Either way, I think you should be having some sort of exercise by 9 am - put your headphones on and listen to music or record a radio 4 discussion, anything to take your mind off yourself.

It is depressing just sitting at home with nothing to do - we think of a day off work as a bit of a special day and it's depressing to do nothing.

What are you restricted to throughout the day, ie school opening times, partner arriving home, etc?

worraliberty · 20/04/2011 18:38

It sounds as though work is helping you shove everything to the back of your mind and your body ends up running on reserve stress and tiredness.

Perhaps a trip to the Drs is in order because you're body won't cope like that for long anyway...it's not good

Original poster

OTTMummA · 20/04/2011 18:40

I don't have any restrictions, which is the saddest aspect, DS goes to Nursery in the mornings if i have appointments etc, but then MIL has him in the afternoons, or DH gets him.
I like to get dinner done for about 6ish when everyone is home, but that is it.
I could do whatever i wanted to, i just don't do anything.

OP posts:

thefurryone · 20/04/2011 18:45

I understand how you feel. I am currently off work and really struggling to stop myself from falling into the same depression trap as I have in previous periods where I haven't been working.

atswimtwolengths has some good advice regarding keeping busy on your day off, particularly regarding exercise, some kind of class might be a good option as it would also give you a chance to meet some people who are off on the same day.

Also rather than thinking of it as a day-off perhaps think of it as a day where you do a certain hobby, is there something you like to do that you no longer have time for, or something you've always wanted to try?

I'm currently working through lists of DIY type jobs that need doing round the house. Quite enjoying it as gives me something to do and stops me whinging about things around the house that annoy me!!

MaeMobley · 20/04/2011 18:50

OP, that sounds like me. I go into work rather than be at home on my own. I hate our house.

NineteenForever · 20/04/2011 18:52

My DH suffers from depression and part of the downturn wasnot having time for hobbies and interests- time for yourself is essential as is a fulfilling interest, whatever it is. Do discuss with your doctor but plan something un work related for your time off and find a little something for you to enjoy- what did you put aside when you had your child? What did you love to do when you had free time? I hope you find something which gives you some pleasure.

atswimtwolengths · 20/04/2011 19:18

Why don't you pick up your son, yourself, and spend some time, just the two of you?

Axotl · 20/04/2011 19:21

I know this might sound odd (and I have namechanged for another thread so can post about this without feeling embarrassed lol) but if i ever have time off work like that, I would plan in a bit of a wank tbh

I bet you never get any other time to do it and the hormones produced are supposed to help stave off depression (seriously!)

FabbyChic · 20/04/2011 19:28

Could it be because you have more time to think?

Merle · 20/04/2011 19:35

I don't understand why you're not spending time with your son. Not spending time with mine.

Merle · 20/04/2011 19:36

...would make me depressed.

WhatOnEarthIsIt · 20/04/2011 19:53

I'm a bit like that sometimes OP.
Can you arrange to meet up with friends for lunch or a walk or something. Spending time with people whose company you enjoy can be a great tonic. I'd also suggest not turning the computer on until after lunch at the earliest. I have accidently wasted hours of free time when I've got on the computer first thing - and feeling like you've wasted precious hours is a horrible depressing feeling. Now I force myself to not even have a peek at Mumsnet/facebook/emails etc. until I have been constructive and active all morning. It really helps me.

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 20/04/2011 20:00

Do you like your job? Could it in fact be what is depressing you?

PenguinArmy · 20/04/2011 20:02

I get like this too, in fact all the time. Rarely can I just take a day off doing nothing not feel guilty about it.

I tend to plan stuff for the afternoons as I find it too much effort to do things in the mornings and at least that way I get a half day's rest.

Exercise DVDs help when I feel too stuck to do anything.

Original poster

OTTMummA · 20/04/2011 20:47

I will just go to the doctors, i think i've been like this for such a long time i just don't realise, i get a distraction for a few weeks/months, something new and i forget for a while,, but it doesn't work for long.
I just hate everything, i can't stand it, its awful.

OP posts:

giraffesCantDanceWhileSober · 20/04/2011 21:04

I can't cope with lots of days off. One after working a busy week is fine, but more than one day and I end up with messed up sleeping patterns and feel crappy.

I work Mon -Thur (42 hours)

On Friday day time I am off and tend to try and meet a friend/go to the gym, and then in the evening I do a childline shift.

On Saturdays I volunteer at the childrens hospice and on Sundays I try to see a friend/gym.

But thats taken a good long time for me to get myself in to a habbit/routine where I am not dreading days off.

Original poster

OTTMummA · 20/04/2011 21:13

right now i could quit happily go cut myself, but yesterday i was really happy, in a very good mood, got lots done at work, and i just don't get it, i feel really confused, like something is missing in my brain i know it doesn't make sense.

OP posts:

compo · 20/04/2011 21:16

Why don't you plan to do things on your days off with your ds? I think that would give you more pleasure than just sitting on your own wallowing. He would be the reason to get out and about

Original poster

OTTMummA · 20/04/2011 21:18

he has more fun at nursery than with me, or with anyone else for that matter.

OP posts:

giraffesCantDanceWhileSober · 20/04/2011 21:26

I think it would be useful to pop back to Drs. How do you feel when in the house before/after a days work?

compo · 20/04/2011 21:28

Yes but if you made an extra effort to have more fun with him you'd feel better I'm sure
better to try every solution like exercise, going out with your ds etc first before going to the gp maybe
or you could take him out with your mil if you feel nervous?

lookingfoxy · 20/04/2011 21:34

Could you make yourself an informal to do list, I can get like this on my days off as well.
Weather permitting I go for a walk immediatly after dropping ds at school, back to cleaning, washing, ironing etc with music on, lunch then sit down for an hour and watch crap tv before picking up ds.
If I don't make myself do this, I would just sit there.

NorksAreMessy · 20/04/2011 21:35

OK OTT, lets look at this calmly.
When you are at work, you have a purpose and what you do matters, when you have an unstructured day, it can easily feel that nothing you do is important.
I understand depression, although I have not experienced self harm, but I do know that my danger times are when there is no particular thing I need to do...boxing day, holidays and the weekends are more likely to trigger a 'down' than a normal busy day.
Is there a project you can treat like 'work', have goals for it, feel good if you achieve it, have an ultimate aim? Something that makes you feel, 'oh good, it's my day to get fit / paint / Write the next great british novel / make myself beautiful etc.
This is your time, but just because it is a day off from work does not mean that it is a day off from life.
Keep talking, we will help if we can

Original poster

OTTMummA · 20/04/2011 21:40

i would like to enjoy doing something, but i just don't, i don't enjoy being with anyone, shamefully, this includes my DS.
I don't enjoy going out, my dh makes a lot of effort to try to make me happy, takes me out for meals or the cinema etc, but i just can't seem to be happy with anything, well not for more than a fraction of a moment.

OP posts:

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 20/04/2011 21:46

What ONE thing can you imagine now that would make you happy? Is there anything?

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