To have no clue as to why i feel extremely depressed on my days off work?!

[OTTMummA]

Thats it really, when i am at work, i am so busy i don't feel it, then the morning of a day off i just have this heavy dark cloud hanging over me all day.
sometimes i just sit and stare into space, or cry, i don't have any energy to do anything, i might clean the kitchen or bathroom, but thats it.
It is really starting to affect me, i am normaly a positive person, although i have suffered from depression on and off for over 12 yrs, i have not been medicated for about a yr now, and have felt ok until janurary i suppose, but it is getting worse and worse, but i have no idea why.

I am starting to think i should just go to work everyday to keep me busy so i can not feel like this.
I should enjoy free time, but it just makes me feel so shit it is unreal.
I don't particularly want to go back on medication tbh, the last lot made me feel so emotionally detached it was scary.

If you are not enjoying anything then you sound like you need some more support. When you were on the antidepressants did you enjoy things?

no, not really.

liar, i like cooking, i like making food for people.

Are you sure you were properly recovered before coming off them? What was the reasons behind stopping them? (You dont have to answer these - although happy to "listen" if you do, just think you need to think about this.)

They made me feel worse, much worse, and it also happened that i was in the process of going back to work, which made me feel a little better so i just stopped.

OTT can i suggest lemon balm? i swear this herb is the reason i have never returned to AD's. i take 2 every day, and they give me the ability to laugh at situations, rather than cry, cream and divebomb into the blackest moods. tbh i often underestimate the power of it until i have run out and though i could go without for a long time.

reading this back to myself i realise i sound like a salesman, but i mean what i say so will say it anyway!

please also consider getting stuck into a good book. i find they lift me out of my current mood and take my mood elsewhere iykwim

one final random bit of fluffy advice: what's your favourite feel good song? youtube it and play it loud, again and again!

for me, the little changes added up :)

As you know there is a differnce between mood and depression. Mood can be altered by external things...sunny day, distractions etc. ReAl depression is internal and chemical and counting your blessings or watching a funny tv show simply DO NOT WORK.
If the ADs you were prescribed did not work, you may need an alternative therapy of some sort if you are actually depressed, not just sad.
Keep talking, we will try to help

What is it about cooking you enjoy?

Norks you are so right and was not trying to belittle OTT's feelings in any way.

OTT if you feel it's right for you, try mood lifting techniques first and GP's if they fail. but you know yourself and if you need to book an appointment with the GP, then do it and take control :) you deserve to be feeling a damn sight better than this

I know how you feel OP. I feel like I'm two different people at work and at home. I'm generally upbeat and sociable at work yet at home I'm really prone to depression.

No answers here I'm afraid. I would suggest things like GP/counselling etc but I haven't done those things myself (or not pursued it properly) so I'd feel like a hypocrite!

I hope you do find the answers though.

Oh, but the one thing I do know is that making myself get out of the house always makes me feel better. Sunlight, exercise, all really help with low mood and depression.

I suffer from anxiety and previously psychotic depression.
I used to take olanzapine and citalopram, i now take tramadol in the evenings along with Naprosyn and Zapain to help with my sleep ( i have other health problems which leave me in quite extensive pain and discomfort). it doesn't really work anymore.
I think the chronic pain isn't helping my mental state, but i don't think that is what is making me feel this awful.
I don't know, i will go see the GP.

reading back on the thread OTT, other people are always lots of fun woth our children! they provide short, impromptu bursts of fun, but to your DC, you are HOME :) with you your DC can just be, and can process stuff. it's ok not to be all singing and all dancing; i'm certainly not.

good luck tomorrow! keep us posted if you want to; we're here for you and want to support you

Lots of good advise to plan activities outside of home on your day off work. I do understand the feeling though. I have not been depressed, but I don't enjoy much else outside of work

I think you need to see your GP. Is it possible to get an appointment today? I think you need to insist that you see someone today; otherwise its a long (and unhappy) wait over the Bank Holiday.

Oh OTT mumma dont do nothing about this, its so sad that you cant enjoy being wth your DS. for him, if not for you, see your GP. there are antis that do work and keep people functioning

make this a priority, if not for you, for your children

depression is a bitch

OTT mum sounds like a bit of structure, like a working day, might help - do you feel like spending time in the community, volunteering, something similar?

Hi I am sorry you are feeling this way , I could have written your post myself I am going through the same thing at the minute .
Please don't feel ashamed about someimes not enjoying time with your ds depression is a illness and can affect how you feel about the people you love , but with help you will get better . Don't be afraid of medication finding the right one can take time but when you find it it can help enormously, I started on Prozac and am now on sertraline 100mg and I find I am now starting to have more good days than bad.
My dh who also suffers depression advised me if I do anything at all to make it getting straight into the shower and getting dressed put a bit makeup on if you feel you look good you can feel bit better and it does work for me.
Does your family know how you are feeling? I was reluctant to tell anyone how I was feeling because I don't like being seen as vulnerable but I bit the bullet told my close family what was happpening and yes some of them didn't understand at first but they have been fantastic since and now I have nothing to hide from them ,if I am distant or a bit moody they know why now.
Sit down and thnk what you would really like to do not what you thnk you should be doing and do it it could be hard at first but it does get better and you will start enjoying yourself more and more.
How old is your ds? Could you do things together ? Or take him to the park with a friend of yours some good company will lift your spirits.
Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to .
Take care

How you going?

oops sorry watching TV while typing! I meant to say how you doing?

Thankyou for the messages, I feel a bit better today, it is a day off, and my DH has it off aswell, i don't feel so lost when ive got him around, so today we are making cakes as easter presents for family instead of eggs, which i know i like doing, and DS will enjoy decorating and eating.

I have a doctors appt on the 4th, not much i can do until then, i've decided to just focus on clearing the house and garden this weekend and set up the paddling pool for ds so he is at least a little entertained.

I've suffered from depression in the past and was very similar to you. Totally fine at work, or on a structured day off with plans (most of the time), would just lose it on days off, with no plans. No will or interest in anything. I didn't have kids then - must be much worse when you have that stick to beat yourself with.

Alternative therapies (initially a cleanding diet - pretty much vegan anti-acidifying diet that had remarkanle effect on my chemical bakance) combined with psychoanalysis/therapy worked for me eventually. Thankfully I've been largely depression free for over 10 years now after living with it for over 15 years.

Omg. I am going through it at this exact moment. I have struggled with this on and off in different ways my whole life. I’m just so glad to see someone explain exactly how I feel. It’s like I want to be alone in a room away from every distraction and melt away. At the same time be out having a great time and being a rock star everywhere I go. It’s so hard to do anything. They say go to the gym but you cannot if your frozen to the basement couch trying to hide from the world. It just sucks

Plus plans scare me right to death. If I’m forced to do anything I’m miserable and mean to everyone around me at the time. Once I’m out I’m a little anxious then I’m having a blast. No matter where I go it’s a blast. It’s the getting ready part that kills me.

I know this is an old thread.....but was just wondering if you began to feel any better? I feel similarly on my day off--my kids are both in college now and I believe that is part of it....the not feeling as "needed"