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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my neighbour a big sexist pig or does he just hate me?

29 replies

marmaladetwatkins · 20/04/2011 13:57

We've lived here for over a year now. All of the neighbours seem really friendly and inclusive, but the bloke next door I just can't work him out.

He will have lenghty discussions with DH in the street but as good as ignores me. Prime example: last night I am out watering plants and I see NDN approaching his gate. I say "Evening X, how're you?" he goes "Fine." and goes into his house. THEN I have to push a note through his door as the company who are supplying our back garden fencing called to say they are coming friday to fit it. So I write a friendly note saying "Hi X, just to let you know that our new fencing is coming on friday, the men fitting it will have to use the shared access (terraced house), hope this is OK? Do you have any preference with regards to treatment colour? If so, let me know. Thanks! Marmalade"

Got a note back saying "Hi MR TWATKINS, (not adressed to ME, the note writer!) All fine for friday! Thanks for letting me know, X"

I'm being touchy, aren't I?

OP posts:
Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 20/04/2011 13:59

Oops, there was no kiss Blush

OP posts:
Bit0fFunnyBunny · 20/04/2011 14:01

Bit of both? Probably not active dislike as such, but if he has a three-legged pet, the truth will be revealed...

worraliberty · 20/04/2011 14:02

One of my neighbours is exactly the same. I've known him for 16yrs and he still talks to my Husband and even my 19yr old son over me. He's a very old fashioned Asian man and he favours most males over even his wife and daughter.

LDNmummy · 20/04/2011 14:06

I have had this experience in the past. Sexism is alive and well.

grovel · 20/04/2011 14:09

It may just be shyness.

Bit0fFunnyBunny · 20/04/2011 14:10

Or he fancies you, and must avoid you completely in order to contain his boiling lust?

Yes, definitely that.

Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 20/04/2011 14:11

I would have just suspected shyness previously or that he hates my face but the note thing! I can't wait to see what DH says about this when he gets home Grin

OP posts:
CJ2010 · 20/04/2011 14:14

Maybe he fancies you and feels a bit shy or you remind him of his ex / mother and can't bear to look at you. Don't worry about it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/04/2011 14:15

Could be shy
could have had bad experiences with women
could have a jealous girlfriend
could have been abused by a female relative
could be sexist
may just not like you

Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 20/04/2011 14:16

Well, he DID have a psychopathic spirited girlfriend living with him when we moved in. She has since departed.

OP posts:
craftynclothy · 20/04/2011 14:18

Have a neighbour just the same. Didn't think much of it until a bit of a dispute about the (shared) shed roof, when he only wanted to speak to dh about it Confused. It was definitely a contributing factor in me shouting ranting at him and asking if he has a problem with women Blush

microserf · 20/04/2011 14:18

my friend had this with her neighbour, but then he was a complete weirdo unable to communicate with any woman a little eccentric. every time he wanted to talk to them, he waited for her husband to come home. never had a girlfriend... just odd.

microserf · 20/04/2011 14:20

sorry, i meant to say he might be afraid of you or be really shy around women.

you could take some comfort that at least he avoids you - someone posted in childminders that her pyscho neighbour is starting to stalk her nanny (and he is known to the police for harassment for his exes) - i really felt for her!

QuickLookBusy · 20/04/2011 14:24

Agree with BitOf it is lust Marmalade, pure and simple lust.

He knows he could not trust himself to write a note. It would turn into an essay on his deep desires for you.

Either that or what BoneyBack said

TobyLerone · 20/04/2011 14:27

Maybe he's just a knob.

Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 20/04/2011 14:27

Can't say I'd blame him, QLB and BOF.

I'd forgotten I have posted about him before!

OP posts:
TotemPole · 20/04/2011 14:46

Maybe he fancies your husband.

Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 20/04/2011 14:48

The thought had crossed my DH's mind...

OP posts:
amberleaf · 20/04/2011 14:49

Maybe its cos he knows you're on to him re the body hes hiding in his house.

TotemPole · 20/04/2011 14:49

... and has a problem with you because you have kept his one true love all to yourself.

It's time to share hubby with the neighbour and build some bridges. He could have him Mon-Wed and you Thur-Sun.

WassaAxolotlEgg · 20/04/2011 14:52

Maybe he's a time-traveller from the past, and he thinks it's unseemly to speak to an unaccompanied, unrelated woman.

And he naturally assumes all written communication must come from men, because women can't read and write?

Or maybe he just didn't read the note properly, and latent sexism led him to think your husband had sent it, because it was about a fence, which is a male thing, in his mind.

bonkers20 · 20/04/2011 14:55

I phone the garage to book the car in for MOT, I take the car in, I phone during day to check on progress, I pick the car up. The bill arrives address to MR. Bonkers20.

Garage man just cannot get past the block in his head which say "car = man's work". Plonker.

rainbowinthesky · 20/04/2011 15:03

Maybe he thought it was a little odd that you signed it "Marmalade" Wink

Insomnia11 · 20/04/2011 15:09

A lot of men aren't used to being chatty and matey with women for various reasons. Shyness is the biggest reason, I think. I wouldn't take it personally. Also not everyone wants to be chatty with everyone else. Different personalities come into it, not just gender. There are quite a lot of people of the same gender I'd rather not bother to talk to if I didn't have to.

thenameiwantedwastaken · 20/04/2011 15:15

Did you get to the bottom of the fly infestation?