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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to leave DH

46 replies

LoopyLiz88 · 19/04/2011 20:58

DC were at their grandfather's last night because I was working and DH was on call. We went to bed and I started talking and he started screaming at me to go to F**king sleep. I lost it and told him to get out. He finally went in the living room and I locked the door. He then started beating on the door because he wanted his phones. I said I'd put them out once he went away. He did after alot of screaming and I put them outside the door. Before I could get he door closed again he was trying to get in the room and pushed the door against my head. I have a huge bumb and it still hurts.

OP posts:
MaisyMooCow · 19/04/2011 21:01

Leave him....in the spare room til you have calmed down!!!

The narky bugger was probably shattered so felt the need to scream at you. You know you love him and don't want to leave him really! :)

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 19/04/2011 21:04

It happens too often though

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 19/04/2011 21:08

has he apologised?
I don't actually know what my reaction would be if my DH told me to ' go to F**king sleep' , it would be a very bad reaction indeed, that alone would put me into a murderous rage, how dare he speak to you like that! let alone smashing a door into your head.
I would avoid him for a while if possible and think about how you expect and should be treated.

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 19/04/2011 21:11

No he hasn't

OP posts:
Bringonthegoat · 19/04/2011 21:15

What happens too often? He shouts, physically abuses you? Noone is unreasonable to leave a relationship if they have are suffering abuse.

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 19/04/2011 21:19

The shouting. Put downs. Comments about my wages being too low.

OP posts:
Bringonthegoat · 19/04/2011 21:26

It all sounds like there is much more to it than the one incident. Have you considered posting in Relationships for some advice? IME there is some great support over there, AIBU is fab too but more quick fix.

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 19/04/2011 22:24

He's called to say he won't be in til midnight and told me off for drinking

OP posts:
hairylights · 19/04/2011 22:34

I think you need to leave him. What is good in your relationship that makes it worth staying in?

ohboob · 19/04/2011 22:40

"You know you love him and don't want to leave him really!" Shock

Really? Because his behaviour sounds pretty appalling and I'd end any relationship where someone treated me like that. Violence, threats and intimidation are not on.

Spero · 19/04/2011 22:45

I don't think he sounds like a 'narky bugger'. No one, however tired or upset should swear at and be violent to their partner. He puts you down as well.

I wouldn't automatically say 'leave him' as I don't know the full ins and outs but I would say you have to deal with this, there has to be a better, more respectful and more loving way of dealing with conflict. If things don't change I would question whether this is a relationship that you should stay in for the long term.

GypsyMoth · 19/04/2011 22:50

he sounds horrible,tells you off? you arent a child

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 19/04/2011 22:52

I've sent an email to his work account saying that we need couples counseling and he needs counseling on his own as well. I'm with him because when he's not being an arse he can be great and he's wonderful with the children. But then its usually me doing the not so fun stuff with them. I'm dreading friday as I have a wonderful surprise party planned for the fool and I don't want to have to make an effort anymore.

OP posts:
Spero · 19/04/2011 22:53

sounds like a good idea. If he loves you and if the relationship is worth anything, he will go.

Spero · 19/04/2011 22:54

To counselling I mean! not go away.

if he says he will go, will you feel better about Friday?

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 19/04/2011 22:57

No I won't. I feel like calling SIL up and telling her I'm sick and could she host the party instead.

OP posts:
Spero · 19/04/2011 23:07

Maybe that is the best option. Sounds like it would be an ordeal in present circs.

CareyFakes · 19/04/2011 23:12

I'd mug him right off, no way would I be intimidated and spoken to like that in my home.

GypsyMoth · 19/04/2011 23:12

you sound defeated already Loopy.

i'm guessing you are thinking he will refuse counselling?

remum · 19/04/2011 23:17

Hi...
Am mum but also counsellor .. have worked for many years in Domestic Violence. Have you thought about getting counselling yourself? Just so you can look at your life/relationship and how it all is? You could do this to get a clear idea about how you are feeling and what you want to do. A DV counsellor wouldn't advise you to leave/stay but give you some space to look at your life/relationship together. There are DV organisations across the country that may help.
My only other point is that Dv isnt just 'physical' violence but is also about emotional, psychological, financial etc abuse.
Look after yourself.

backwardpossom · 19/04/2011 23:40

I don't think there's enough info here to say if YABU or not, plus we're only getting one side of the story.

anonymosity · 20/04/2011 00:21

Sounds a bit extreme. I don't think this one incident is the reason for anyone to leave. Sounds more like you need to talk a bit more (not at bed time) and agree to consider each other / behave better (both of you).

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 20/04/2011 13:14

He's agreed to counseling. Now to try and find someone

OP posts:
jojowest · 20/04/2011 13:21

were you both drunk?

i cant stand it when OH gets in bed from work and starts nattering on, particularly if he has been dealing with something horrific

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 20/04/2011 13:23

No we weren't drunk. Neither of us had even had a drink

OP posts:
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