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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be rather annoyed with my childminder

30 replies

houseworkwhore · 19/04/2011 10:52

I am probably going to be flamed here.

When I was working days dd went to a childminders and really loves going there, in january I had a nervous breakdown and ended up giving my job up. I have recently gone back to work however I work evenings. We made the decision dd would still go for 10 hours per week and on the 2 days she goes I go to the gym.

This is why I am annoyed. The childminder now says she doesn't want dd anymore as I am not working days and she feels it is a waste of a placement. Aibu to be pissed off with her as this now means I can't go to the gym!

OP posts:

frazzle26 · 19/04/2011 10:54

I would be annoyed but unfortunately it's her decision, she doesn't have to have your DD and there are (hopefully) plenty of other CMs around.

IMissSleep · 19/04/2011 10:54

I don't think you are. She is paid to childmind, not comment on how you spend your spare time!

Find someone else :)

cath476 · 19/04/2011 10:55

I would have thought that as long as you are paying her, she wouldn't give a flying fig how you spend your days! Perhaps she wants to take on a full-time mindee?

Lawm01 · 19/04/2011 10:55

She is running a business, so I guess it makes more financial sense for her to fill to her capacity.
Does your gym have a creche you could use?

NickNacks · 19/04/2011 10:55

YABU!

This is her job and income to provide for her family! I can see why she wouldn't want to take DD back for 10 hrs when it would mean turning down a full timer.

And i think you know it!

Buddhastic · 19/04/2011 10:55

So do you pay for your child to go to the childminder? If you do then it should be irrelevant as to what you do in that time.

naughtypet · 19/04/2011 10:55

The childminder shouldn't give her notice for this reasons, you do whatever you want during the time YOU are paying her to look after your child !!! In my advice, she just wanted to give you notice, needed a reason, didnt find one so came up with this loads of bollox !

Jaydles · 19/04/2011 10:56

Why does she care what you are doing when she is looking after dd? She isn't doing you a favour by looking after your daughter for free. I would suggest she has had an enquiry from a parent wanting more hours than you and would benefit financially from stopping caring for your child

fedupandfifty · 19/04/2011 10:56

Not sure what you mean. Is she saying she doesn't want DD because she would rather work for someone who works during the day?

NickNacks · 19/04/2011 10:57

It's not about what the parent is doing during those 10 hrs- CM wouldn't care but the act that it is only 10 hrs would prevent taking on a child for more hours.

NickNacks · 19/04/2011 10:58

fact not act

Reality · 19/04/2011 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lawm01 · 19/04/2011 10:58

Sorry, maybe I've misunderstood.
I assumed she has cancelled your DD's hours as she doesn't want to take her for 'just' 10 hours.
But re-reading, are you suggesting she has pulled out of the arrangement simply because she doesn't want to childmind while you go to the gym. If this is the case, then you are certainly NBU to be annoyed. Not much you can do about it however, other than find other childcare arrangements.

stillstanding · 19/04/2011 11:00

YANBU. Your childminder has no business in having an opinion on how you spend your day. I can imagine that with your history going to the gym is something that is very important to you as is having some child-free time. Either way it is not her call.

That said, we can all get judgey about how someone spends their time ... I have SAHM friends who put their children in nursery 3/4 days a week and I admit that I have "views" on it but that is quite obviously none of my business.

In real terms though I suspect that if you want to keep the place you are going to have to suck up her judginess and try to explain to her why it is so important to you (and DD) that she keeps her place. She has the power (or at least in my neck of the woods where demand waaaay exceeds supply, she would ...). Bloody annoying tho.

stillstanding · 19/04/2011 11:02

Oh, I am confused .... if you are only taking a few hours here and there and that is her reason for firing DD then I think that she is being reasonable. She needs to maximise her income. But if her reason is because of the way you spend your time then YANBU ...

ihatecbeebies · 19/04/2011 11:02

I dont really think it is her place to judge if you are paying her? how old is your DD? my son has a free nursery place as he is pre school (only 2 hours a day though) but when I'm not studying I try and go to the gym while he's there too

fedupandfifty · 19/04/2011 11:23

It's not really her place to judge, but if she is in a position to pick and choose whom she works for, she's being reasonable in turning down your DD for a more lucrative customer. She's running a business, after all.

Original poster

houseworkwhore · 19/04/2011 11:35

Just re-read and maybe i wasnt so clear.

DD goes on a tuesday for 5 hours and on a friday for 5 hours. On these 2 days i go to spinning on a tues and pilates on a friday. I cant go in the evenings as i work 4-8 and the gym closes at 8.

When DD first started at the childminder i was working in the day, but following a breakdown i now work evenings which suits our home life, DP works 6am - 3pm so i cant even go to the gym in the mornings.

DD is 13 months almost. i dont understand why she has decided she doesnt want DD as she still gets £175 a month from us so its not as if we are using her for free. also when i was working DD went to the childminders for 15 hours a week, so she has only lost out on 5 hours however she was the one that said she would rather loose the hours

I am pissed off but also really gutted as DD is so settled and has been pushed from pillar to post loads in the last year!

OP posts:

bubblecoral · 19/04/2011 11:42

It sounds to me like she would have continued to have your dd if you were working because you would have needed her more then, rather than just wanted to use her.

But if she has your child, especially as your dd is young, it means she can't take other children who may want a full time place. Other parents may want her, but for more hours than she can offer if she keeps having your dd. If that's the case, you are expecting her to turn away work, and much more money, in favour of your £175 a month. That just doesn't make financial sense for her. She may have chosen not to let you down if you were working, but has decided that it's not right that she should lose money so you can go to the gym.

Does your gym have a creche you could use instead?

stillstanding · 19/04/2011 11:44

If she didn't have DD, would she be able to take on another child for longer hours with more pay?

If so, then that is reasonable. If not and her reason is solely because she doesn't like the way you spend your time, then that is unreasonable.

Original poster

houseworkwhore · 19/04/2011 11:47

she has another baby under 1 and my DD is a bit of a handfull i have a feeling that she would rather not have DD as i am not working.

Her exact words were - as your not working DD will be leaving soon as there is no need for me to have her.

Nope no creche at my gym, it is just a cheapy membership so i can go to classes.

OP posts:

new2cm · 19/04/2011 11:53

You are reasonable. How you spend your time when your child is at a childminders is none of the childminder's business. I am a childminder and I don't even dare ask what the parents do or have done whilst I look after their children. So long as I have a valid contact number for emergencies, the parents could be running a marathon or hill walking for all I care.

heliumballoons · 19/04/2011 11:55

"as your not working DD will be leaving soon as there is no need for me to have her."

Was there any chance she was hoping you'd say - 'oh no, I still want to use you' as she's worried about losing money?

compo · 19/04/2011 12:14

Why don't you use the crèche at the gym ( if there is one)?

bubblecoral · 19/04/2011 12:20

If she doesn't want to have your dd, you just have to accept that I'm afraid. She does have a choice here, and she doesn't have to justify her reasons. You have the same right as she does to terminate the contract when you want for any reason you chose, and so does she.

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