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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit PFB or is it normal?

46 replies

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 09:46

It's only a minor moan....so don't flame me!

My Mate has a one year old baby and she's always wanting to arrange for us to go out and do things together....I sometimes arrange things for us too...but I work full time (she is a SAHM) and my DDs are 3 and 6...so I'm a bit busier.

Basically EVERY time we are arranging something she'll say "Oh well X has is nap at 11.00am and then his lunch so I can't meet until that's all done.

I think she needs to chill out! Give him his lunch when we're out and about! Let him nap in his pram sometimes!

It's not just sometimes it's every time! I dont' like meeting up too late in the afternoon....as in 1.30pm onwards....I have school run at 3.00 and my 3 year old get tired by this time...I always capitulate as she panicks if I try to encourage her to meet earlier!

So PFB or normal?

OP posts:
cybboid · 19/04/2011 09:48

PFB

You need to be less available if it irks you so

nethunsreject · 19/04/2011 09:50

Cut her a bit of slack. First borns can make the most chilled of people as uptight as anything. This time will pass and you will be able to meet whenever you like!

CoffeeDodger · 19/04/2011 09:50

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NinkyNonker · 19/04/2011 09:51

A bit, perhaps she just needs a little encouragement and reassuring.

I tend to factor in 8 mo old dd's naps when planning as it makes sense to, but will happily flex them or whatever. Put her in the sling etc.

Original poster
SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 09:52

It's a pain in the arse....she's ace in every other way but for some reason she cannot fathom how to pack a bit of lunch and give it to him in a cafe or the park or wherever!

It seems to really stress her just to contemplate it. I have tried saying "We'll go to a cafe...my treat!" and she's all like "Oh no...he's so difficult about eating and it's such a hard job to get him to finish it all"

I could scream....then don't make him! He's huge anyway...in a bouncing way not in a fat way....one dodgy lunch wont stunt him!

OP posts:
GiddyPickle · 19/04/2011 09:53

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Geepers · 19/04/2011 09:53

I very, very rarely have my babies away from home for their nap. They just wouldn't sleep in a pushchair and they'd be miserable and grumpy. I tend to arrange anything I do for either between 10 and 12 in the morning (after morning nap) or after 3, so they get their afternoon nap.

Maybe two or three times we have been out for the whole day and changed our routine but it doesn't make for a happy outing.

BTW, these are babies five and six for me, do definitely not PFB.

Original poster
SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 09:54

coffeedodger.....that's why it irks me...it's the assumption that her routine comes above everyone else!

OP posts:
slavewife · 19/04/2011 09:54

I dont think it is PFB, its about routine, most of my friend have a routine, and fit their routines around there children.

HipHopOpotomus · 19/04/2011 09:54

PFB - I couldn't imagine a baby that wouldn't sleep in buggy, eat in park etc.

cory · 19/04/2011 09:56

the problem is when people start expecting everybody else to fit around their child's routing too- particularly if those other people also have children....

Original poster
SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 09:57

Me either HipHopotomus! slavewife.....routine is fine but not when it dictates everyone elses life and impacts upon their enjoyment.

OP posts:
CoffeeDodger · 19/04/2011 09:58

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BikeRunSki · 19/04/2011 09:58

PFB, but by 1 her DC should be a bit more flexible. Sounds like she is a bit nervous of breaking her routine.

Original poster
SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 09:59

Thank you cory! It's exactly that which annoys me...the assumption that I will move heaven and earth to fit in with her routine.

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 19/04/2011 09:59

The expectation that everyoe else fit in is not on, no.

But some babies won't sleep out and about.

I agree she needs to compromise.

Bbut this stage of her lif will be over so soon.

Original poster
SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 10:00

That's it coffedodger...its the best part of the day!

OP posts:
CoffeeDodger · 19/04/2011 10:01

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CoffeeDodger · 19/04/2011 10:07

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stillstanding · 19/04/2011 10:11

Have to admit this isn't the way I roll, particularly re meal times. I LOVE eating out as it means less mess at home but some children are really fussy about eating in busy places and get easily distracted. Similarly, lots of children don't sleep in buggys - mine certainly didn't. I know that when mine were little there were times in the day when it just wasn't worth my while to organise meet-ups as they would have been too knackered and the whole outing would have been a nightmare so I organised around those times. It wasn't precious or being slave to a routine - just realistic.

I don't think that she is being pfb tbh but I do think that once she has her second child things will ease up a bit. With only one she can accommodate the needs of the first but with no. 2 she will have to compromise the needs of one or the other.

There is a distinct irony in your post, OP - and those of others - in that you want your friend to accommodate your children's routines too, ie not meet too late etc (although I appreciate that you are saying she should compromise sometimes and you others). Could you maybe meet before 11? Hopefully that would accommodate both of your routines ...?

bonkers20 · 19/04/2011 10:14

Coffee I am sure you are right that if you persist most babies or toddlers will learn to nap on the go. My first was able to nap this way, my second not so. I've really not wanted to let his schedule rule my day, but after some REALLY, REALLY miserable trips out I'm less keen on doing so. He is also not a child to nap much in the car (I've learnt this the hard way). I do explain to people and tell them that this is a short phase. It really depends who I'm with. With family then I'll bite the bullet and know they'll help me out when I have a really grumpy boy at 4pm, with some friends I'm just not going to do it because it will be ME struggling with the tantrums (and the pushchair) on the bus.
I don't expect people to fit in with me, but I hope my friends will be patient and wait for me to be able to come out more.

ShirleyKnot · 19/04/2011 10:15

Perhaps she can't actually get herself together until the early afternoon?

vmcd28 · 19/04/2011 10:20

Ds2 is 5mo and only sleeps in his pram after lots of angry crying and screaming. I keep trying to get him used to it, but after two weeks of being out most days (due to ds1 being off school), he struggled to sleep during the day, so he was grumpy the rest of the day. He also started waking in the night. So actually it's not cos we "pander" to him that he won't sleep in his buggy, thanks very much.
In saying that, if a friend asked to meet me, and naptime was the only time that suited her, of course I wouldn't expect her to fit in round us. I also would like to think that ds2 will be easier with his naps by the time he's a year old

GingerbreadGiraffe · 19/04/2011 10:20

"
It's not just sometimes it's every time! I dont' like meeting up too late in the afternoon....as in 1.30pm onwards....I have school run at 3.00 and my 3 year old get tired by this time..."

to a certain extent you are as bad as each other!

IME it can be really difficult to do stuff when you have kids of different ages. Someome is put out. Why not meet at a time when you are child free, go shopping, have lunch and a glass of wine. Would be much nicer imo.

kenobi · 19/04/2011 10:22

My DD was another one who wouldn't sleep more than 20 mins in her buggy (and we tried A LOT of times, so it's not that simple) so I am another who likes to have the nap at home - apart from anything else it means I get to do chores, own stuff etc. Until DD was about 12 mo I was very inflexible as she was vile without sleep, but from about 13 months on I was able to jolly her along on, say, two 20 min naps and am now free(ish) and easy(ish). Bedtime is still fairly unpleasant when she has had this little sleep though.

I can understand why you're annoyed and I must have annoyed my SIL and others, but I don't regret it. I never felt that my routine was 'more important' than other people's, just that this was what I had to do and if people didn't want to meet me because of it, fair enough.

If it annoys you that much, don't meet until her baby is a bit older. Or like stillstanding says, meet in the morning?

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