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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a bit PFB or is it normal?

46 replies

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 09:46

It's only a minor moan....so don't flame me!

My Mate has a one year old baby and she's always wanting to arrange for us to go out and do things together....I sometimes arrange things for us too...but I work full time (she is a SAHM) and my DDs are 3 and 6...so I'm a bit busier.

Basically EVERY time we are arranging something she'll say "Oh well X has is nap at 11.00am and then his lunch so I can't meet until that's all done.

I think she needs to chill out! Give him his lunch when we're out and about! Let him nap in his pram sometimes!

It's not just sometimes it's every time! I dont' like meeting up too late in the afternoon....as in 1.30pm onwards....I have school run at 3.00 and my 3 year old get tired by this time...I always capitulate as she panicks if I try to encourage her to meet earlier!

So PFB or normal?

OP posts:

Lawm01 · 19/04/2011 10:30

Well, it sounds as though your respective routines aren't compatible at the moment. Perhaps you should accept that and accommodate each other.
Perhaps its time that you said to her "we're going to x tomorrow, we'll be leaving at x time, do you think you could join us? If not, why don't we meet for a short playdate at 1.30 the day after?"
Give her the option of adapting her routine, but in such a way that its clear that your plans are immovable in this instance.
Or, why not be up front with her one day, over a cuppa, and casually start a conversation with "isn't it such a shame that our kids' routines don't fit easily with each other at the moment - such a pain, can't wait for when they co-incide, can't we think of a way that works for everyone?"

Original poster

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 10:30

I'm not as bad Ginger! I HAVE to be at school....its' not like I cn say "Oh I'm free and easy about collecting DD...if I don't feel like it then I don't turn up"

I have to be there.

I would meet early but we live 6 miles apart...so if I travel up there, I have to factor in the ourney home...so I end up spending an hour with her and then getting on the bus again!

OP posts:

CoffeeDodger · 19/04/2011 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 10:36

I have a nudey one too Coffee! Also one who will only eat "dry things" ...but they'd sleep anywhere.

OP posts:

superv1xen · 19/04/2011 10:38

pfb!!! :o

i had a friend like this. she also used to obsessively keep a diary of exactly what her pfb had eaten, drank and when she had slept during the day

GiddyPickle · 19/04/2011 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeDodger · 19/04/2011 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nethunsreject · 19/04/2011 10:57

Lol at 'making your kids' fit in.

Yep, I was like that with ds1. Thought his flexbility and fab sleeping habits was down to me. Then I got ds2. Not so smug now!

bonkers20 · 19/04/2011 10:58

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets Surely you're not even available during the school day if you work full time?

bristolcities · 19/04/2011 11:05

Gawd PFB, and your friend is missing out on the time I relished the most. Siting in a pub garden with a white wine and....a sleeping baby, bliss.

Original poster

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 11:08

bonkers I am self employed and work all evening from home.

OP posts:

bonkers20 · 19/04/2011 11:21

Oh, I see. That must make for a very long day, I can see why you're annoyed.

beanandspud · 19/04/2011 11:22

Looking back I'm sure I was a complete PITA when making arrangements with PFB. I was terrified that if I didn't stick with The Routine for sleeping it would all fall apart and I would spend the next 12 months with a baby that would never ever sleep again...

[I also have a vague recollection of telling people that they would need to leave by 4:58pm as PFB had tea at exactly 5:00pm and didn't like to be distracted .]

Just accept that it might be difficult for a few more months and make it clear (nicely) what you can and can't do. It won't be long before naptimes etc. change and your plans need to adapt again. It seems a shame to upset a good friend over this even if it is really annoying at the moment.

Bristol I totally agree - that was when I realised that I needed to chill out a bit!

TerrysNo2 · 19/04/2011 11:27

My DS wouldn't sleep in his buggy after 6 months and without a nap he was tired and cranky, think you need to be slightly more understanding to that. I would have been happy to do lunch out though.

Original poster

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 11:27

While I am at it, I would like opinions on Mothers who chase the baby with a spoon full of food when the baby is clearly not into it.

I'm talking about the baby is sitting in it's high chair and the Mother is determined to make it eat ALL of the bowl of food whilst the baby whines and cries and avoids the spoon.....is that odd?

When mine did that I would try a couple of spoons, assume the baby didn't want the food and mabe gve it something a bit later...this person literallly sits for 30 minutes or more practially force feeding the child.....the child is in the high centiles for height and weight..looks great...no problems...but why force the poor thing?

OP posts:

Original poster

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 11:28

@ Beanandspud! 4.58!

OP posts:

messylittlemonkey · 19/04/2011 11:32

YAB a bit U.

I've got two DDs, DD1 is 5yo, DD2 only thirteen months.

Both have had pretty set nap routines which I prefer not to be disturbed! Obviously this no longer affects the 5yo, but DD2 has a post lunch nep from 12.30 til about 2 which she nearly always has at home. having said that, when we have a day out, I don't worry if her nap is different, so long as she has one at some point. Food wise I'm pretty relaxed. I think as your DC get older, it becomes harder to empathise with parents of younger ones.

HippyHippopotamus · 19/04/2011 11:32

because dc1 was such a bad sleeper at night, i used to nap whilst he did during the day but it never stopped me seeing my friends!

Original poster

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 19/04/2011 11:33

I understand messylittlemonkey....but it's the assumption that I will be willing/able to fit in with her childs nap....she will always say His nap is at this time....so I will meet you at X time.....never ask me what I would like.

OP posts:

kenobi · 19/04/2011 11:38

coffeedodger "and another that will disrobe herself at any opportunity."

There is a little girl who does this in my local playground and it gives me such pleasure - not in a pervy way, but I love her utter glee in nudity and winding up her mum. DD is only 16 months so I have all that to come yet!

Skinitting - I've never understood the force-feeding one either. I can't imagine being forced to eat, must be horrid.

stillstanding · 19/04/2011 11:40

Tell her what suits you, skinitting - that's the way it works. She says I am available at x time, you say you are available at y time and you hope that there is an overlap. If not you say what a shame.

Re chasing baby with a spoon thing, this drives me nuts. I have a few friends who do this and I can see them turning meal times into a battlefield and it is so counterproductive. But then I figure: what do I know about their babies? Maybe they just refuse to eat and the mother is panicked and should just thank my lucky stars that I don't have to deal with these issues.

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