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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not make dh meals/washing/ until he realised I am not his dogs body

47 replies

slavewife · 19/04/2011 07:41

Name changed for this as dh knows my username.

Friday I spring cleaned the whole house, it took from 8am, to 9pm (got rid of everything, clothes, toys, uni work etc)...

I worked all weekend,(fri, sat and sun) and left dh a spotless house, I always leave after our dinner (5.30pm) and come home in the small hours. on all these days, I came in, to all the night before dinners, unwashed dinning table, children's clothes where they took them off, including the bath towels, bath water and toys left in, (they are toddlers) dh clothes NEXT to the washing basket etc... toys everywhere.

ds was sick last night, all over the front room floor and his bedding, ds cleaned it with kitchen roll, and that was it Hmm

so after working all day and night, Ive came into a house that is cluttered and dirty, I always leave dh a nice, clean lovely house.

so today, Ive got to mop, sweep and bleach, bedding to rinse and wash (left in babies bedroom Hmm) all worktops to clean, dh clothes in the washing basket, yesterdays dishes, and washing, that I asked dh to do before I left for work. Oh and his cup and his cereal and toast bowl that's he left on the dinning room table, while it still has yesterdays food on it Angry

I would not mind if these we're one offs, but it has become daily now, every day when I am at work, and no amount of shouting, nagging will he listen too.

and the fecking bastard has left a note to take his mobile to the nearest repair centre!

Great start to my day!!!!

OP posts:
pjmama · 19/04/2011 07:46

He's a lazy inconsiderate bastard and he's taking the piss. Go on strike.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 19/04/2011 07:47

YANBU Personally I wouldn't take his mobile to the nearest repair centre and tell him I wasn't doing anything for him until he started showing me some respect.

EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 07:48

go on strike

just do for you and kids

let the house become a pigsty

post his mobile in his stupid gob

you will only get treated like a mug if you allow it

stop colluding with it

NoWayNoHow · 19/04/2011 07:51

YANBU. Clean up after yourself, and after the children (unfortunately striking by not washing their things only pushishes them, even if it's your DH who's let the mess happen).

Leave all his clothes, dishes, washing, phones repairs and don't touch them - do'nt be passive aggressive about it, though. TELL HIM that you are sick and tired of spending all day cleaning and all night working only to come home to a tip that you have to clean again. Tell him that you will no longer be handling any of his housework, and that if he wants dishes to eat off, a place to eat them, and clothes to wear, he's going to have to do it himself.

Create a space away from the dining room table for you and your DC's to eat (should be easy enough if they're toddlers) so that you don't have to deal with his crap.

Original poster
slavewife · 19/04/2011 08:08

Ive just text him,

You will have to take the mobile yourself, I cant be arsed to take it, I cant be arsed to make tea the night, so me and the kids will eat out, think there is beans in the cupboard, your dads taking the kids to the park and me to work, Ive left you a list of jobs that you we're supposed to do yesterday.

By the way I'm you're wife, not you're dogs body, and Im on strike, respect me or fook off!!!!

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 08:14

ok

now no more texts

just let him stew

Amateurish · 19/04/2011 08:29

Does DH work? How is childcare split?

michelle2011 · 19/04/2011 08:31

the one thing i man should do, if nothing else, is to keep the house tidy as it was

scottishmummy · 19/04/2011 08:36

ignore the milly tants and strikers and leave him
you dont achieve result by that juvenile tosh
do get an instant dinner for you and kids,sort yourselves out
draw up a schedule for you and husband,allocate chores and duties.and stick to it
have a good think about you and how you may avoid facilitating his laziness.he has gotten away with it because he has been allowed to. now penny has dropped, so what are you going to do about it

his mobile?he can sort that himself

Original poster
slavewife · 19/04/2011 08:37

yes he works, he works early until 3.45pm.

childcare for him is 5.30-7pm, on the weekdays I am at work, weekends may be anytime.

I dont see why that matters tbh, the house is his, and mine, not just mine to deal with. I work nights and survive on 4-6 hours sleep a day while on these shifts, the least he can do is help clean his home!, and not leave the house a tip for me coming into. I want to have a life away from cleaning. I do the majority as I dont work during the day, he at least can do his part in cleaning his own mess and kids mess up.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 19/04/2011 08:38

so stop facilitating his laziness.get him a list of tasks, a schedule and allocation who does what

baskingseals · 19/04/2011 08:40

good for you

stick to your guns. agree with scottishmummy that you need to get some kind of schedule going so you both know exactly what's going on.

good luck

FabbyChic · 19/04/2011 08:42

Id have been fit to burst if I had come home to that after leaving it spotless, that is just lazyness.

Leaving washing up on the table is just a pisstake.

Don't do anything for him not until he pulls his weight.

AnonymousBird · 19/04/2011 08:44

YA most definitely BBU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster
slavewife · 19/04/2011 08:49

SM, it hasn't always been like this, he used to be very house proud. however recently hes "slipped" (4-5 months) and its just not on or fair. Juvenile, very much so Sad

Im pretty exhausted by it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
slavewife · 19/04/2011 08:53

He knows what his jobs are, shifts I am at work, he does dishes, and worktops, cleans table etc... the washing was a one off, as our boiler broke, and leaked into most of the bedding and towels etc... (our boiler cupboard is our linen cupboard) bins in the morning, and tidy up after boys, bath clothes, toys etc... he has very little to do, the rest is easily maintained by me.

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 19/04/2011 08:54

YANBU he is a twit.

I expect his excuse for not doing anything is that he is looking after the kids. Funny how lots of women and some men, manage to do both at the same time.

scottishmummy · 19/04/2011 08:56

so get emphatic.print it out.stick onto fridge.have a planning meeting with him
you take the lead
he chancing his arm as he reckons you will do it all (whicj you have done)

Original poster
slavewife · 19/04/2011 08:59

Will do, dont feel as if I want to "mother" him, but if needs must.

QuickLookBaby he cant even have that excuse boys are in bed for 7pm, ds was sick at 10.30 and feel back to sleep afterwards.

OP posts:
TheSkiingGardener · 19/04/2011 09:12

Get angry, then get calm. Tell him exactly what the problem is and what you have decided to do until he sorts it out. Love the text. Stick to it and see what happens.

expatinscotland · 19/04/2011 09:27

What SM said. DH has to have his chores spelled out because he grew up in a place that would make Kim and Aggie run away screaming.

But I don't cater to him with this making meals and such. I'm not his mother.

QuickLookBusy · 19/04/2011 09:34

My DH used to be a little like this, when we first got married.

Like SM says, I had to spell it out to him very sloooooooowly, as his mother did everything in the house. He didn't even have to pick up his dirty washingHmm

He is now tidier than me Blush so people can change. There is hope out there slavewife.

Truckstop · 19/04/2011 09:38

Perhaps he was fed-up and went on strike?

clam · 19/04/2011 09:47

I take it you're a bloke, truckstop?
Fed up with what? Living in a clean house, courtesy of his wife?

Original poster
slavewife · 19/04/2011 09:50

truckstop, what the feck are you talking about, engage you're brain!, not your farking peanuts!.

OP posts: