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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit upset at having to pay for all of it?

109 replies

SleepyDopeyGrumpy · 19/04/2011 00:20

Background story is a friends son was at my house playing on the console with my 2 ds when it was knocked over by my youngest and the friends son's game inside was damaged with laser burn.

Now it was a complete accident and could have been any of them that it had happened to but my ds2 owned up and was really very sad and crying about it, i told him not to worry it was an accident but the boy started saying "you have to buy me a new one now mummy will say so".

I told the boys mum when she picked him up and she went on about how this was a brand new game costing £45 and that i will have to replace it.
I am in no position to have even £5 spare atm so will take time to get together that kind of money. My boys only have the one game that they play on the console whereas this other boy has many and is very spoiled.

I guess im just a little annoyed that she is going to leave it all up to me for something that was a complete accident and if it was the other way around i would have just said never mind we will see what we can do when its been out a while.

OP posts:
gorionine · 19/04/2011 09:28

"without being somwhere silly or doing something silly"

Being silly and breaking something IS an accident so long as you did NOT intend to break the thing IMHO.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/04/2011 09:37

OP... Wait to see what happens at 'Blockbusters', the game might be fixable. If not, find the cheapest version of the game, second-hand, and offer to pay HALF, in weekly instalments, perhaps? Explain that you don't have the money and that this is your best and final offer - half the cost of a second-hand game. Either it's accepted, or it isn't. Don't negotiate anymore than that.

tabulahrasa · 19/04/2011 09:38

no, they're not the same thing at all - if he was walking past, tripped and knocked it over - that's an accident

if he was, for instance, jumping off a couch to a spot just beside it and knocked it over - that's not really an accident, he might not have meant to damage the game, but he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing that was likely to damage something...

I do find it at a bit off that the OP's friend would just demand payment - I was just saying that if one of mine broke someone else's possession while doing something that was likely to cause damage, bearing in mind that a games console is a completely reasonable place for a game to be and to not expect it to get damaged - I'd be offering to pay for it

If on the other hand it was absolutely an accident, I wouldn't be

chicletteeth · 19/04/2011 09:45

I'm sorry but I do think you're being a little bit unreasonable!
It was an accident, unfortunately one made by your son.
Why should she have to pay for this?

My son was over at his friends house for tea one day and ripped the surround net on their trampoline. It was an accident of course but why should his friends mother pay for my sons mistake?
I immediately offered the money since he was responsible (£50 which was gratefully accepted) and told my son to be careful next time.

Sorry you're short of cash but try and source a used one or explain the situation to her and say you'll get it when I get the money but it might be a while.

If she falls out with you over having to wait, then I would consider her to be unreasonable.

Also, a bit of an aside, but why just because he has lots of console games do you consider him spoilt?

HipHopOpotomus · 19/04/2011 09:47

Sorry I think this Mum is being a cow (her 4 year old clearly knows her MO). Personally I wouldn't let DD leave the house with anything of value if I wasn't prepared for it not to return, or to get damaged. Accidents happen! Especially where 4 year olds are involved.

She let him take the game out, it's not clear it was 100% your 4 year olds fault & clearly you are skint and can't afford to replace it. So next time this child comes to play you are supposed to frisk him at the door and send any toys/games etc home with Mum? Or will you have to pay for all his expensive toys that get broken during play? Will you have to pay if something gets broken at his house to if your DS is there?

I'd offer 50% of a 2nd hand replacement but I'd also let her know that unfortunately this is a large unexpected expense for you and it will take some time to get the ££ together.

Re all the comments about contents insureance - would people seriously make a claim for £45 on insurance???? By the time you've paid any excess and taken a bump in next years premium it just wouldn't be worth it.

whatsallthehullaballoo · 19/04/2011 09:48

I am of the opinion that if a child brings something to my house then they do so at there own risk unless I have asked them to do so. Therefore YANBU op but I can understand you will feel pressured into replacing the disk. I am also a little bit of a 'yes' person and rarely stand up for myself. So, I would explain my financial situation and offer to buy a second hand copy after pay day, or offer to pay £10 a month until a 'new' (not brand new) one was paid back for if she purchased one in the meantime.

Please come back and let us know how you get on. Poor love.

gorionine · 19/04/2011 09:54

"if he was, for instance, jumping off a couch to a spot just beside it and knocked it over - that's not really an accident, he might not have meant to damage the game, but he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing that was likely to damage something..."

You are aware we are talking about a 4 yo? far too young to actually link jumping on the sofa with possible game breakage IMO. My DCs when 4 (still currently have a 4yo) would know thwithout a doubt that jumping on the sofa could potentially damage the sofa/ get them hurt in a fall but I am pretty certain they would not be agbe to go through the chain of events that will lead to jumping on sofa = possible console game fall.

chicletteeth · 19/04/2011 09:55

Just read your other post where she said "someone owes me money ....."
This is incredibly rude, passive aggresive behaviour.

What amazes me now is that people are saying that because she was rude, she shouldn't be offered a replacment!

What on earth has this got to do with anything? A used copy (cheap one on ebay maybe?) as a replacement will suffice in this case I think.

Out of curiousity, does she know how little spare cash you have? If you explained your situation, would she be more understanding?

forehead · 19/04/2011 09:59

Yanbu.
My dc's have had their toys damaged many times on playdates by other children. I wouldn't dream of asking the parent to replace it. Some people are unbelievable.

penguin73 · 19/04/2011 10:01

I'm afraid I think YABU - it isn't the friend's fault that he no longer has the game to play with. I sympathise with your situation though and would hope that any of my friends would understand and be a bit more flexible about when the game is replaced or the money paid but I do think saying it's not your responsibility that your son broke something belonging to someone else is wrong.

GypsyMoth · 19/04/2011 10:06

i was wondering which game too??

amazon are doing the new fifa11 for £22 instead of £45

porcamiseria · 19/04/2011 10:08

SHE SOUNHDS LIKE A COW, TRY AND GET IT FROM USED AND NEW ON AMAZON THEN TRIM HERE

sorry not shouting!

onepieceofcremeegg · 19/04/2011 10:09

I think this thread will make some of us think carefully when young visitors arrive to play with expensive games/consoles etc.
I hadn't considered this risk before (but could easily happen in our house)
In future I will say loudly to visiting children on arrival (in front of the parent) that they should let mum/dad take it home with them and we will play with other stuff. If parent/child is reluctant, I will say fairly clearly that should an accident happen then it is at own risk.

tabulahrasa · 19/04/2011 10:14

"You are aware we are talking about a 4 yo? far too young to actually link jumping on the sofa with possible game breakage IMO. My DCs when 4 (still currently have a 4yo) would know thwithout a doubt that jumping on the sofa could potentially damage the sofa/ get them hurt in a fall but I am pretty certain they would not be agbe to go through the chain of events that will lead to jumping on sofa = possible console game fall."

of course they wouldn't work out all that, but a 4 year old knows full well when they're doing something they shouldn't be doing - if they know they shouldn't be jumping on the couch because it damages the couch, damaging something else instead doesn't make it an accident, it wouldn't be on purpose, but it isn't exactly an accident either

It's one of those things that you tell children of for anyway, isn't it. I told you not to jump on the couch, so it's your own fault x y z happened...

Not that it necessarily has anything to do with the OP's situation, lol, just that not doing something on purpose isn't the same thing as an accident

LynetteScavo · 19/04/2011 10:17

Who on earth would claim for a game on insurance? Hmm

I don't think you should pay anything. If your friends son had broken the console by accident, would you have demanded she pay for all of it? Accidents happen. He will live with out the stupid game.

flamingtoaster · 19/04/2011 10:18

If the child had had it a couple of months then the replacement should definitely be pre-owned, not a new game. Hope it can be sorted at Blockbusters which is the cheapest option!

bubblecoral · 19/04/2011 10:20

I think you should be paying for it. From the other mothers pov, there is a big difference between trusting two older children to play with a game safely, and it then be being destroyed by a very small child. My two are old enough to know that they have to take care of things like that, they know the value of them and that they are delicate. If the two older children did nothing worng but the accident was the fault of a 4yo, I would think that the person whol should have been supervising a 4yo should be responsible. A 4yo can't be expected to know the value of these games or know how fragile they are, so it is up to you to keep the 4yo away from the console.

If it was your older child that had damaged it I would say that you should only have to pay half, as the mother did indeeed make the descision to allow the game out of the house to be the responsibility of two boys the same age. If one of them damaged it, that would be her lookout. If your child only has one game to play with, she was actually doing a nice thing letting it be taken to your house for your son to play with. Lets face it, if your son only has one game, he probably really wanted a go on this new one.

She had no idea that you were going to let your 4yo near that kind of equipment, it would be reasonable to think that most parents would keep such a small child away from a games console, knowing that they can be damaged farily easily.

I am sorry you are in trouble financially, but just because her son has a few more games than your does not mean she is loaded. It is you responsibility to pay imo.

It's all very well saying that a friendship is worth more, but tbh, I'm not bothered about a friendship with every mother of a child my son has chosen to be friends with, maybe this mother feels the same. And either way, that works both ways, it could be said that if OP was worried about a good relationship, she should pay.

GandTiceandaslice · 19/04/2011 10:21

She can go to Game & get it cleaned on a machine (no idea, my BiL goes in!) & the games come out like new.
I can't imagine the game is ruined.
I had kids here years ago & they were running full pelt through the living room & broke a pane of glass. It wasn't my child who broke it, but it was an accident. I didn't even think to ask the other parent to pay for the glass.
Accidents happen.
But if it is ruined, it might be nice if you offer a few pounds towards a new game.
I never understand why people buy these games as soon as they are out, they're so expensive.
I'm still cross that my dh let my ds buy Fifa 11, even though it was from his birthday money & he could afford it. It cost £40. Astounding imo!

BeautifulBlondePineapple · 19/04/2011 10:22

I was in a similar position to the other mum last year. We got a portable DVD player for the kids when we went on holiday last year. Friend's DC broke it by accident, but really any of them could have done it (4 kids jumping on beds). Friends offered to pay for it, but we suggested halving the cost. Slightly different in that we could both afford to do so, but it was a matter of principle.

If I were you, I would outline your financial position and offer to pay half over a period of time. If she is in any way funny about it then she's not a friend worth keeping.

BTW: your insurance excess would probably have been more than the game, so not worth claiming for it.

ssd · 19/04/2011 10:22

OP, TAKE IT TO GAME OR HMV, they will fix it for a few quid.
we've had this, was told by HMV no way can it be fixed, took it into game next door and they cleaned it and it was fine, will take about an hour to go thru their machine thingy

what was the game anyway?

please take it to one of the shops you buy these games in, chances are they can fix it (yes even laser burns, we had the same thing happen as you, but without the drama!!)

Jaydles · 19/04/2011 10:25

She is being unreasonable to expect £45 when in all honesty Game probably have it preowned for half the price. I am guessing from the price of the game it is either a ps3 or xbox, if it is a ps3 game they are blu-ray so buying one pre-owned is just the same as buying it new as it will be in a like new condition. I am fairly sure that they can be repaired instore though like others have said. I wouldn't be bothering claiming on the insurance, the excess on my contents is £100!

rainbowinthesky · 19/04/2011 10:30

Yanbu. What were you meant to do when her son brought an expensive game to your house? Watch it like a hawk tracking its every move so it doesnt get broken?
If I were you I'd be peeved off that I'd been expected to look after such an expensive game, which I didnt ask to be brought over and then the cheek of the woman expecting you to pay!

Nor is it your 4 year old's responsibility for ensuring it's safety.

superv1xen · 19/04/2011 10:33

he sounds a brat and it was an accident so the mum should get a grip. she is being a twat about it, i would just let it go if it was me, these things happen ffs

blackeyedsusan · 19/04/2011 10:37

my response would be, Don't be silly, he shouldn't have brought it with him if it is that precious. i wouldn't worry about losing a friend who is so mean. it does hurt though and you are clearly the better person to be worrying about it.

if you can't pay, don't.

LeroyJethroGibbs · 19/04/2011 10:42

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