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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I have to cancel, don't I?

45 replies

krepsly · 18/04/2011 08:34

I arranged to go see a band play with a friend in May. She bought the tickets.

Then I agreed to DS being involved in the foreign exchange. This means a 14 year old German lad is due to arrive with us the night I'm due to go and see this band.

I would be leaving at around 5pm and not getting home until around midnight.

My friend said I should leave him and DS on their own (I do often leave DS) as they're old enough and we won't be gone all night. But it's his first night here, how bad would it look for him to arrive and then me say "see ya later kids, I'm off out until midnight!"

I'm going to have to cancel the band, arnt I? She's going to be pissed off because the band was arranged first. But I thought DS should come first with this. AIBU?

OP posts:

rainbowinthesky · 18/04/2011 08:35

Yes, you are going to have to cancel as it's his first evening unless you can get someone else to stay.

overmydeadbody · 18/04/2011 08:35

Hmm tricky one.

Are you a single parent or do you have a partner? If you have a partner he can stay with the boys, that should suffice.

Megatron · 18/04/2011 08:36

Have you a mutual friend that could go to see the band with her instead? I agree, you can't leave the boys.

CUKAmbassador · 18/04/2011 08:36

Ask a neighbour or friend to pop in, go to the concert. Sorted.

Cattleprod · 18/04/2011 08:37

Do you have a partner or relative nearby - someone else to welcome him so you can see the band?

Is it a band you really like or are you just going to keep your friend company?

BikeRunSki · 18/04/2011 08:37

Do you have a DP/DH?

Animation · 18/04/2011 08:40

You seem worried about your friend's reaction. She should understand.

I'm assuming you're a single parent.

MrsPresley · 18/04/2011 08:40

No your not BU.

If my 14 yo went off on a foreign exchange and there was no adult there I would be furious.

Thing is, the other lad is not your son, you dont know how he will behave, will he be homesick etc and mostly would his parents be happy for him to be left on his own in a strange house, strange country with another teenager who he doesnt know?

Is there someone else that could be with the boys until you get back?

nenevomito · 18/04/2011 08:40

How old are they? Do you have a friend you could ask to stay at yours that evening until they were in bed?

GrendelsMum · 18/04/2011 08:40

I think I'd arrange for them both to have tea with one of the other pairs of boys in the German exchange, and to book a taxi to take them back to your house for about 11pm.

That would mean you weren't leaving them alone and they'd probably be happier because they'd be in a little group of Germans / English. Then you return the favour and have the other boys over for tea and a film later in the week.

springydaffs · 18/04/2011 08:47

You don't say how old your boy (therefore the foreign exchange) is, but I've been a host to foreign students of all ages - up to 45 - and I, or someone, always has to be here on their first night. Can you get a 'sitter' to welcome him?

Original poster

krepsly · 18/04/2011 08:49

Yes I'm a single parent.

Don't really have any close neighbours or relatives. I'd really like to see the band but like someone else said if DS went abroad (which he will be doing to see through the other side of the exchange) and the adult in charge buggered off and left them on their own whilst she went to see a band I'd be quite annoyed.

I do think they would be safe but I don't even know the lad, seems a bit off to just leave him on his first night. I'm going to ask her to take someone else I think, if she can't I'll refund the money for the tickets.

OP posts:

Original poster

krepsly · 18/04/2011 08:50

My son is only 12 which also makes it a bit off to leave them until midnight. I do leave DS for a few hours here and there but never done it on a night time.

OP posts:

bubblecoral · 18/04/2011 09:08

It's crap, but yes, you will have to cancel.

Skifit · 18/04/2011 09:08

Its a shame krepsly.. you may have to cancel.. Know what its like being a single parent. If i was near i would child sit for you..trouble is I have a 10 yr old DS and partner works away during the week so couldnt leave DS. Is it a SAturday night ?

Original poster

krepsly · 18/04/2011 09:12

Aww Skifit that's really nice of you. It is a saturday night, the ironic thing about it was that we purposely booked this night as my children were due to stay at their dad's house that night. Then the exchange thing came up, DS is no longer going to his dads (and his dad would never agree to watching both kids, not sure he'd be the best person to give the lad an insight into the British man anyway tbh!) and so it all went tits up.

On the plus side, we do have another one booked in July. I'll just have to cancel. One if the sacrifices of being a parent!

OP posts:

MmeSurvivedLent · 18/04/2011 09:15

What a shame, but yes you do have to cancel.

If it were your DS going to a foreign country, you would not be happy to hear there was no one home when he arrived.

IloveJudgeJudy · 18/04/2011 09:17

I've done a few exchanges in my time and it would be completely wrong to leave the boys alone for such a long time, especially on the first night. Your friend should surely be big enough to see that, even though the band thing was booked first, you cannot possibly leave a boy who has only just come to this country to stay with your family, alone at night, especially on his first night.

I don't think you can leave the two of them together from 5-11pm, either. You will be in loco parentis.

Your friend should realise that your DS comes first with you, always.

upahill · 18/04/2011 09:21

Which band is it? (nosey!!)

NestaFiesta · 18/04/2011 09:24

You will have to cancel yes, but your friend should be a lot more understanding! You've got a cast iron reason for cancelling as you are being a responsible parent in doing so. If she can't understand that despite your best efforts a parenting related clash has arisen then she can't be a very good friend!

MollieO · 18/04/2011 09:27

I'm a bit surprised that you thought it would be ok to leave a 12 yr old on his own for 7 hours. If it were me I'd have arranged for Ds to have a sleepoover at a friend's. 12 is too young to be left alone for that amount of time imo.

MollieO · 18/04/2011 09:29

Sorry just read your post that he was due to gong his dad's. Couldn't the two of them go to another schoolfrirnd's for the night? Assuming it is a school exchange trip.

senua · 18/04/2011 09:30

If you want to be the best exchange host ever, neither you nor friend go to see the band ,,, send the lads instead!

IloveJudgeJudy · 18/04/2011 09:31

MollieO. No, they couldn't go to another schoolfriend's for the night. The exchange student is coming over to another country to stay with a particular family. It would not be OK for them to stay at someone else's house, especially for the first night.

altinkum · 18/04/2011 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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