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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

with SIL?

69 replies

4everhopeful · 18/04/2011 03:45

Im a first time mum and only left DD (10m) with MIL several times, and will be tomorrow.. DD a very happy chilled girl and Im totally fine leaving her with MIL as they see each other reguarly. SIL, despite being her godmother hasnt seen that much of her, and came to the door last month when i was in the bath and when DH answered DD was hysterical, this is totally out of character but something about SIL spooked her badly. Hmm

Anyway tomorrow SIL said shed come by with my 2 nieces and nephew, but may arrive before im back as MIL will be here, I dont want her too as know that will freak DD out if im not here, DD not seen her kids since new year, I tried to say this to SIL in a roundabout way but she dismissed me a bit saying 'what will you be like when she goes to school' 'thats just kids' 'youve got to let her be for her own good' etc.. Basically quite a battle to try and get her to understand, while I ended up depricating myself 'oh what am i like' 'know its silly to be anxious' etc.. Hmm This annoyed me as SIL wouldnt even leave her kids with anyone, inc MIL, til about a year ago (oldest 10, youngest 3 Shock) and is really precious about them. All her kids are rather clingy as a result.. Im annoyed on 2 counts, 1, she should respect my wishes specially as she is far worse about her DC, and 2, she has been really hypocritical, I would never of dreamt of questioning the way she has chosen to parent her kids..

Im sad as feel she is a great mum and has been otherwise really supportive to me, with good advice, however I know my DD and dont feel IBU by not wanting her to be unnecessarily distressed, and asking SIL to just come round 30mins later when im home too? She kind of agreed but not without totally dismissing my feelings and making me feel like an overprotective mum and making me think AIBU?

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 18/04/2011 10:04

YABU. I'd be really upset if I were your SIL as well. Sad

HampstersDontSwim · 18/04/2011 10:04

OP
Please print this thread off and re read it when your pfb is 6!

You will then crease up as I am Grin

Your Dd will be fine. My 8mth old Dd has cried at some people one day and been full of smiles with them the next. Dont read too much into it.

reelingintheyears · 18/04/2011 10:09

My mates twins burst out crying at ME once Grin

They were about the same age as your DD.

They like me now Smile

I was soo embarrassed.

Morloth · 18/04/2011 10:09

All the babies in our family tend to hate one particular uncle from birth to about 18 months. Proper screaming/terrified/clawing to get away from him. Even his own kids were not too impressed exactly.

They all get to about 18 months though and can't get enough of him. Constant 'When can we see Uncle X?', 'I wanna go Uncle X'.

We put it down to the scale he is built on, the massive bristly beard and the volume at which he operates. Which is scary to a baby but catnip to a toddler. This is not helped by the fact that he appears to be morphing into Santa Claus as he gets older.

Babies are weird, DS2 burst into tears at the sight of a leaf once, I didn't ask for all the trees to be cut down.

CrapBag · 18/04/2011 10:27

YABU and totally ridiculous. I can be a bit PFB but this really takes the piss.

Original poster
4everhopeful · 18/04/2011 10:34

Gee thanks everyone Hmm

For the record, just wanted SIL to come round to MY house while i was actually there too, MIL is also her MIL not her mum, SIL invited round as I WANT my DD to play with her cousins and spend time with her aunty, just wanted to be there when it happens.

Im not a neurotic crazy mum, far from it, i Dont want my DD to be clingy and scared of people, hence the invite to my SIL. Think most of you missed the point.

OP posts:
ScroobiousPip · 18/04/2011 10:41

Actually I don't think YAB that U. Not so much about your DD's reaction but inviting herself and her three children round to your house when you are out is a bit rude, given that she's not someone you're particularly close to. Just because your MIL is there, doesn't somehow make it a free for all. And not respecting your wishes - however PFB - is also rude.

Think this is a family that you probably need to talk straight to though, rather than hinting at what you want.

muminthemiddle · 18/04/2011 10:47

i also think you are being a bit unreasonable.
My friend's dd used to frown/run away from my dh I would have been amazed if my friend had told my dh to stay away. Children change, my dd cried when she was tiny and her godfather picked her up. she loves him now though.

echt · 18/04/2011 10:47

"Making me feel like an overprotective mum and making me think IABU" My emphasis. So now your SIL is responsible for how you feel and think? You are responsible for your own thoughts and feelings.

And no, no-one missed the point. You want to be there because you think DD will kick off without you. You said it yourself in paragraph 2.

YABU.

ZacharyQuack · 18/04/2011 10:47

So what is your point OP?

Do you have a problem with SIL visiting, or is it just that she may arrive before you get home? Would you rather she sat in the car with her 2 children until you got there?

catinboots · 18/04/2011 10:52

YABU and are now trying to put a different slant on your original post because everyone has said you are bonkers.

loveabitofcake · 18/04/2011 10:53

Think you got abit of harsh treatment here today your a first time mum your aloud to be abit wobbly its not unreasonable to worry about your child being upset and wanting to be around to guide them into situations,for what its worth your dd will be fine im sure and as time goes on you,ll relax more with every new thing that comes along x

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 18/04/2011 10:55

Oh shut up. Hmm

loveabitofcake · 18/04/2011 10:59

Who was the shut up to?

EricNorthmansMistress · 18/04/2011 11:02

YANBU about not wanting her to bring her kids round to yours when you aren't there. Buy YABU on wanting to be there to 'guide' yourDD in playing with her cousins. Get a hold of yourself!

Bogeyface · 18/04/2011 11:09

You asked AIBU and most people think you are, dont get funny cos you didnt get the answer you wanted!

If you trust your MIL to look after your DC then you must trust her judgement and if she thinks that it will be fine with your SIL there then go with that.

Throwing a strop because the majority dont agree with you isnt going to change anyones mind you know!

Morloth · 18/04/2011 11:09

LOL, these are my favourites.

diddl · 18/04/2011 11:10

I wouldn´t be happy at her wanting to be there without me-unless transport meant that that was the only time she could get there.

For that YANBU.

snowwight · 18/04/2011 11:12

I think the op has been dealt with harshly today. We have all had pfb, we have all worried about stuff and most of us have had to deal with cutting comments from sil/mil etc.

VJayJay · 18/04/2011 11:15

4ever you should've told your sil to come round later, It is your house after all. I understand your anxiousness you don't leave your dd much and you are worried about how she will be when you're not there but I'm sure she will be fine.

KatieMiddleton · 18/04/2011 11:16

Classic AIBU. OP posts, chorus of YABU, then OP bleats because actually in her opinion she's NBU and everyone is wrong and unhelpful.

Cue everyone wondering why she asked in the first place!

OP, YABU.

Original poster
4everhopeful · 18/04/2011 11:18

Gotta love the self rightous MN lynch mob..

Yea im bonkers cos want my DD happy when im not there.. This was a one off with my SIL as DD loves people and smiles and trys to make friends with everyone..

If most of you actually read my post you will see i made SIL godmother, cos we are close, and she is great with kids, however im out for 2hrs, just want her to come round when im back. As I said in OP, SIL only just started leaving her kids and she has 4 so clearly im not that mental

OP posts:
Morloth · 18/04/2011 11:20

So why did you ask?

loveabitofcake · 18/04/2011 11:21

Think it may have been the hardness of some of the responses that upset op and dont blame her but as ive come to learn on here there are quite alot of bitter hard faced old cows who have probably forgot what its like being a new mum

VJayJay · 18/04/2011 11:24

Meant to put yanbu. Your sil is not listening to you is she.
Other posters aren't seeing it from that point of view.