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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think when you confide in a friend, she won't pass on info to her daughter???

29 replies

lilolilmanchester · 17/04/2011 21:48

told my so called best friend something. Doesn't matter what, just something I don't want others to know, including my DD. Today she told me that she had told her 13 year old DD, who is best mates with my DD... I said I didn't really want anyone else to know, but she said "oh, DD won't tell anyone else"... but a) unfair to tell her DD and tell her not to tell anyone else and b)betrayed my confidence.... I won't fall out with her over it but feel I've lost a confidante. Or AIBU?

OP posts:
working9while5 · 17/04/2011 21:50

YANBU but I just know my mother would have done this.

FabbyChic · 17/04/2011 21:50

YOu are not being unreasonable, why would she tell her daughter your business?

FetchezLaVache · 17/04/2011 21:50

YANBU. She has put her daughter in a fairly shitty position there, too.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 17/04/2011 21:52

Sharing a friend's personal information with her 13 yr old child? [boggle]

That's the sort of stupid thing people do when they've forgotten that they are the parent not the mate.

Yes. Never tell her anything again.

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 17/04/2011 21:54

that's what I thought fetchez...my friend knows I haven't told my DD. So, regardless of loyalty to me, not fair on her DD... was a bit shocked TBH

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 17/04/2011 21:54

Did you ask her to keep it to herself when you told her? If so YANBU.

If you didn't then it totally depends on what the info was as to whether YABU. If it was something obviously sensitive then YAprobNBU. 'I have herpes from shagging the gardener' - yep YANBU, she shouldn't have told her dd. 'I fancy Zac Efron' - no YABU how was she to know that this is confidential. Just for examples!

overmydeadbody · 17/04/2011 21:54

YANBU

KatieMiddleton · 17/04/2011 21:55

Weird. Is she one of those people who's teenage daughter is her BFF or some other nauseating concept?

Don't tell her anything again.

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 17/04/2011 21:56

yeah, hectate, that's what I was thinking. We all need friends we can confide in, so feel very let down

OP posts:
KatieMiddleton · 17/04/2011 21:56

Bugger. Just realise my reply paraphrases Hecate. Who is spot on Grin

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 17/04/2011 21:58

yellow - it was a health related thing that you wouldn't expect to have to ask someone not to pass on to anyone - let alone a child......... (tho not a STD from shagging the gardener or anyone else !!!)

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 17/04/2011 22:01

I'm not suprised you feel let down :( Clearly you need to confide in other friends and enjoy this frienship in another way. In your position I would tell your DD whatever it is - whatever it is, it would surely be better hearing from you than from her friend and I'd put money on her friend telling her -either out of friendship or spite/one upmanship.

TheMonster · 17/04/2011 22:01

YANBU.

saffy85 · 17/04/2011 22:01

YANBU why tell a child personal information about an adult they know? Confused what is the matter with people?

TheMonster · 17/04/2011 22:01

CHipping is right. Tell your DD before her friend does.

SolarPanel · 17/04/2011 22:02

YANBU

YellowDinosaur · 17/04/2011 22:03

cross posted - if she knew that you hadn't told your dd then at best she is a tw*t to put her dd in the awkward position of having to keep something from her best mate.

If it is a personal health related matter then she is compeltely insensitive too

How inappropriate of her - I would be pretty p*ssed off and probably not confide in her again.

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 17/04/2011 22:03

yeah, I think you're right. But, as my "friend" knows only too well, not something I wanted DD to know about, just yet at least. Between a rock and a hard place

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 17/04/2011 22:04

Yes I'm with the tell your dd before she finds out from her mate camp too

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 17/04/2011 22:06

think I have no choice under the circumstances - but if I'd wanted to tell DD, would have done so in the first place ... bugger

OP posts:
SolarPanel · 17/04/2011 22:07

I've been surprised in the past to find friends had passed on information that I'd expected to remain private. You shouldn't have to spell it out "please don't tell anyone else" when it's something clearly sensitive or health-related!

weedle · 17/04/2011 22:10

Something like this happened to a friend - mum was pg, told sister who told all the family, got back to the original's child.

Not only did the child have to hear about it from a cousin but mum later went on to lose the baby and had about a million people to tell. Including of course her child who was nowhere near emotionally ready for that conversation. (Hence why mum had wanted to wait)

It's a really shitty thing to do. As far as I'm concerned breaking the trust of an adult to tell a child something is a sackable offense. I hope things work out for you lilolil

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 17/04/2011 22:11

thanks all, it's been a bit of a wake-up call for me. Sometimes you need to be able to tell people things, just shocked it's been passed on to a child, given the nature of the info.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 17/04/2011 22:12

(and am not pregnant, just incase anyone who knows me in RL is wondering!!)

OP posts:
RoadArt · 17/04/2011 22:16

I keep making this mistake and trusting "friends" and then I hear it back from someone else. I am finding it really hard to know who I can trust, and it seems like nobody, because everyone wants to discuss eveyones business.

If I am told something I never repeat it and I just expect the same from other people. But I get let down time and time again.