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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to lower myself to his level?

32 replies

angrymomma · 17/04/2011 21:33

Hate myself for thinking this as I am normally so tolerant....however am fuming as neighbour has just threatened to 'call social services'. He actually stood outside my house shouting at DS1. When I opened the door and asked him what the fuck he was doing the problem was, he accused me of being a shit parent and he was going to call Social Services.

Was so gobsmacked, I had no retort ready (shit).
Have had 'disagreements' with this bloke before. He thinks the sun shines out of his kids arses and if they do behave badly, ie, swearing, it's only because my DCs have taught them to!
After I explained to him that my DCs go to a highly rated school, whilst his go to a somewhat third rate school, and that I had witnessed his DCs in action, and they aint no angels, he just refused to see my point whatsoever.
I absolutely accept that my SN son is no angel, but am getting really sick of him knocking on my door every 5 mins. When his little angels come round my house causing trouble, I just try to ignore them and tell my DCs to do the same. I have never once knocked on his door to complain, just think life's too short to be forever moaning at them.
But am getting to stage now where if I see or hear one of his DCs doing ANYTHING wrong towards my DCs I will be screaming through his letterbox faster than a cowcan fart.
AINU to lower myself to his level or should I just shrug it off as usual te next time his little Darlings throw stones over my fence?

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 17/04/2011 21:35

sounds like you are both as bad as each other tbh!!

BluddyMoFo · 17/04/2011 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 17/04/2011 21:37

You've already lowered yourself by having a dig about their schooling

What brought on tonight's threat?

thisisyesterday · 17/04/2011 21:37

"After I explained to him that my DCs go to a highly rated school, whilst his go to a somewhat third rate school, and that I had witnessed his DCs in action, and they aint no angels"

really? you actually did the whole "my kids school is better than yours, thus yours are little shits" thing???

i imagine that may be part of his problem with you.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 17/04/2011 21:38

Just ignore him.

Or calmly say "You must do as you see fit." every time he threatens it. It'll drive him nuts.

jojowest · 17/04/2011 21:38

what tilly said

just because your kids go to x school, doesnt make them better behaved than the kids who go to lower class Y school

TheMonster · 17/04/2011 21:39

sounds like a case of pot calling the kettle black to me.

Newgolddream · 17/04/2011 21:40

After I explained to him that my DCs go to a highly rated school, whilst his go to a somewhat third rate school, - for me you lost the sympathy I had for you at this.

What does the rating of a school have to do anyway with how bad/good children behave?

Portoeufino · 17/04/2011 21:41

What have the children - any of them - actually done?

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 17/04/2011 21:41

Come on guys, are you telling me that if someone was at your door every five minutes complaining about your children when theirs were the ones causing the trouble, that you wouldn't even be tempted to slip a dig in in the end? A person can only take so much before they just want to take the wind out of someone's sails / take them down a peg or two. It's only human, esp if you are being unfairly treated - more to the point, your children are.

There are only so many cheeks a person can turn.

BluddyMoFo · 17/04/2011 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 17/04/2011 21:44

dig?? it was a bit cringey really....would make him laugh more than anything

vmcd28 · 17/04/2011 21:44

Wtf?! "Lower myself to his level"?! Seriously?
There may be a lot of back story to this but based on this scenario, I'm glad I don't live in your street!!

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 17/04/2011 21:47

Depends on the person. I know a few people who you could shut up with a comment like that.

I'm not saying it was a good move by the OP. I am saying that none of us are saints and it is all well and good being reasonableness personified from outside the situation, but humans actually in situations are often less coldly, calmly reasonable in the face of provocation and I don't think it's nice to jump on her for that.

Hatesponge · 17/04/2011 21:57

we need to know what the OP's son did. We know what the neighbours children do (swearing and throwing stones) but that's probably because they go to third rate schools....

BluddyMoFo · 17/04/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

heliumballoons · 17/04/2011 22:01

I agree. Someone I know had the same thing, neighbour always drunkenly coming round accusing her of all sorts.

The day she threatened to report his 15yo DD's BF to the police (as he stayed over quite a bit) for statutory rape he backed down. He did start to argue 'nothing was happening' but once he realised she would discuss his DD's sex life loudly on her doorstep if needs be he had to concede he wasn't the perfect parent. (btw his DD started it by coming round yelling at 11pm about her 'shutting up her brat' who had woken up having a nightmare and was hysterically sobbing)

I agree the school comment wasn't necessarily the best but when you have to defend your kids, who are being unfairly hauled over the coals, you tend to fight fire with fire.

Original poster

angrymomma · 17/04/2011 22:10

Actually I did not bring up the school subject, he did. I quote "Your little shit has to go to a school in another town because the local school won't take him". This is not true, so I jumped in with my remark about school ratings.

I am not a snob re schools and don't even know TBH which of these schools is rated higher....I just wanted to bring him down a peg or two because I know that he IS a snob through and through. Has always looked down his nose at us.

OP posts:

Portoeufino · 17/04/2011 22:17

But what happened to trigger your neighbour's visit? He sounds like a loon, but something must have been done by someone....

Original poster

angrymomma · 17/04/2011 22:27

My DS rode past his hose. His DS and friend stopped my DS and asked him where he was going. DS said he was going home for his tea. They started taking the mickey out of him about having to go home when mummy tells him to. They know damn well that as he suffers from ASD he gets wound up very easily and they play on this time and time again. DS got mad and, as neighbour complained, gave them the finger. He then came home and 2 mins later, neighbour turned up.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 17/04/2011 22:35

You are in a difficult position because i understand that your DS cannot ignore them. It is a shame that you cannot speak to the father to tell him that his sons should stop speaking to your DS and explain about his medical condition, they have no excuse, once told. If you cannot then you will have to learn to ignore him and just tell him to go away. You could log the incidences incase things escalate.

Birdsgottafly · 17/04/2011 22:36

I wouldn't go to his door, the person who does this is always seen as the aggressor, it does not sound as though he wants this sorting out.

Original poster

angrymomma · 17/04/2011 22:45

I remember when DS was diagnosed with ASD and the lovely Dr who told me, whilst I sobbed, told me that I only had to tell people who I really wanted tnow about DS's diagnosis.

I will die before I tell this tosser about DS having ASD. It will make no difference to him, and even if it did, I would not want my DS to have to suffer his sympathy IYSWIM.

I try to keep DS away from these kids. But even when he and his brother and sister are playing very nicely together in their own garden, these other little darlings stand round the back of our fence and shout stuff at them. Makes me livid. I have never complained to their parents before but am really starting to think I am going to have to start throwing my weight around from now on. See how he likes it.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 17/04/2011 22:58

It is your choice who you share it with, my DD has a similar condition (she is now an adult). I had to grow a vey thick skin. I also told people to "shut up, im not interested", regularly (of course then i was seen as a bad parent).

You can end up going round in circles and getting into battles with people. I learnt to ignore and hope it did not go to far, especially when she was a teenager. Life is often hard enough for them without the crap that others bring. There was a time a didn't know how she would ever make friends and get on in life, and how i would cope with the outside world, but she has done well, it does get better.

Original poster

angrymomma · 17/04/2011 23:00

Birds...when you say you told people to 'shut up', what do you mean exactly?

OP posts:

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