AIBU to lower myself to his level?

[angrymomma]

Hate myself for thinking this as I am normally so tolerant....however am fuming as neighbour has just threatened to 'call social services'. He actually stood outside my house shouting at DS1. When I opened the door and asked him what the fuck he was doing the problem was, he accused me of being a shit parent and he was going to call Social Services.

Was so gobsmacked, I had no retort ready (shit).
Have had 'disagreements' with this bloke before. He thinks the sun shines out of his kids arses and if they do behave badly, ie, swearing, it's only because my DCs have taught them to!
After I explained to him that my DCs go to a highly rated school, whilst his go to a somewhat third rate school, and that I had witnessed his DCs in action, and they aint no angels, he just refused to see my point whatsoever.
I absolutely accept that my SN son is no angel, but am getting really sick of him knocking on my door every 5 mins. When his little angels come round my house causing trouble, I just try to ignore them and tell my DCs to do the same. I have never once knocked on his door to complain, just think life's too short to be forever moaning at them.
But am getting to stage now where if I see or hear one of his DCs doing ANYTHING wrong towards my DCs I will be screaming through his letterbox faster than a cowcan fart.
AINU to lower myself to his level or should I just shrug it off as usual te next time his little Darlings throw stones over my fence?

I knew her actions stemmed from her condition. She didn't sleep (she still doesn't but capitalises on this by working ling hours), a woman over the road used to take delight in daily telling me that the reason my DD could not read was because she was to tired etc. In the end i just told her to shut up and if i wanted her imput i would ask for it.

I went through the whole other children 'winding her up to watch her go', sometimes when another parent, like your neighbour, came to tell me what she had done (and how it was all her fault) it got to a point where i had to just look them in the face and say "so what?" (i did discipline her when it could be done). It is exhausting always reacting as much as you would like to.

OMG, Birds, that is so it. The other kids know exactly what buttons to press re DS and off he goes.

I have actually stood watching them all through the bedroom window 'pushing' DS to go on and throw that stone into neighbours garden/greenhouse. But, of course, they are not in the wrong...just my DS.

Not to put a downer on things but it can be tougher for boys during the teenage years. I would say to access any help or activities for children with similar conditions when you can, it cuts down on the isolation that you and your DS may feel as he gets older. It also shows light at the end of the tunnel, because parents often feel hopeless but mixing with parents who's children have grown up and are doing ok helps. As i said my DD is full of nervous energy and is very literal but uses these to her advantage in her work. There was a time i thought that she would never fit in anywhere. I pity people like your neighbour for their lack of knowledge, understanding and how easily they manage to fool themselves or are fooled by their DC's.

Sorry I don't understand this bit...

They know damn well that as he suffers from ASD he gets wound up very easily and they play on this time and time again

I will die before I tell this tosser about DS having ASD. It will make no difference to him, and even if it did, I would not want my DS to have to suffer his sympathy IYSWIM

So his kids know about the ASD but he doesn't?

No his kids don't know about the ASD, they just seem to have recognised the fact that DS is easily wound up. They know they can goad him for about 10 seconds before he gets upset and instead of walking away like we have tried to teach him, he will start to implode and shout back at them. This,as I have witnessed myself, gives them great pleasure, especially when their dad gets involved.

I don't think explaining ASD to them would make any difference. In fact it will probably make things worse as they will know for sure how easy it is to wind DS up.

I personally made the choice to tell people after reaching an agreement with my DD, during her teenage years. It does not always make a difference because people choose 'not to believe in the condition' (like it's the tooth fairy). You will have to come up with strategies to get you through. But log incidences of him coming to your door and any stone throwing etc. I would just answer him honestly "If your little shits didn't wind him up, he wouldn't have reacted, now do one". But don't go banging on his door.

Thankyou Birds, think I have managed to calm down enough now to think this through properly.
Agree with you that it would be best to not go to his house complaining about his darlings, although I am so tempted. But that will just lead to me becoming as picky and whiny as him.
Will keep a log as you suggested.