To expect the Local Authority to address letters to 'Dear Parent(s)/Guardian(s)'?

[SurreyDad]

AIBU to expect my local aithority to address the letter with the result of a school application with 'Dear Parent(s)/Guardian(s)', rather than Dear Mrd xxxxxx? Is it not discrimination, or non inclusive to only write to one parent?

Why do they allow only one - surely the application is being made on behalf of a child, so it should be addressed to those responsible for the child?

I wondered that too when I got the form. I guess they just only need the name of one person responsible for the child to correspond with so don't bother with unnecessary information.

Maybe whoever set up the template for the letter used "field x" for the salutation, when Dear Parent/s/Guardian/s would have been better. I guess it's only really an issue if a parent is deliberately trying to keep the other one out of the picture.

Well, I'm sure the school will be perplexed if I pick our child up and they want to discuss an issue, and I refer them to my wife as they seem only to want to communicate with her!

No, the school forms are completely different and there they will ask for names of both parents, along with loads more info. When you are at the application stage the LEA just asks for one name.

I completely agree, actually. I think the system in many places in quite messed up in this regard.

My kids are home educated, and their details were passed along to the Elective Home Ed Office by a health visitor who knew full well that my husband is the children's main carer. I actually got multiple letters from them addressed solely to me, but my husband responded to through his email, in his name, and they would use his names in the emails, but the letters still came addressed only to me. It took me putting at the top of our annual progress report something to the tune of that both parents are responsible for their education so please address further letters to both parents for them to recognise the situation and put his name on the letters.

Get over it

Yes, you'll be asked for details of both parents, contact numbers, work phone numbers, etc by the school.

Who will they ask for for this information originally, or will they write to 'Parent(s) of xxxxx xxxxxx'?

For the nice young lady in the office, it's probably a lot of faffing about to put the parental salutation in, as opposed to Dear Parent/Guardian. Time management is the key when dealing with 1000's of clients, I would think.

Wouldn't the nice young lady just copy and paste, then, without looking at the salutation?

I hate school letters addressed "to the parent/carer of" It drives me mad everytime would much rather have my name on it.

That's a lot of c & p'ing SurreyDad!

Surely "to the parent/carer of" is best when you don't know who they are? Once you've established a relationship, then its different.

altinkum - why are pre and post natal for my wife? Do I not need to know how to change a nappy or feed a baby, or about health care and vaccines?

Ah - the pre and post natal stuff was about looking after / caring for the baby. The midwife appointments were about her health. And its not a red herring - its about state bulldozers doing what they like without paying attention to their equality policies.

I tend to agree with you OP, in situations involving having children and the caring of those children, it always seems to default to the woman.

Pre and post natal stuff, well, at least it is the woman the actual physical stuff is happening to, that doesn't rile me terribly, though the way my husband was dismissed in the hospital was irritating. The midwives in my partiular hospital seemed to have a policy for looking through the male and ignoring him whenever possible. When my husband asked a question, they would look at me to answer.

But when my child's NHS number came through, it was addressed to me. Various other examples of this too.

I do acknowledge that it might be an administrative nightmare but the example in the OP of how to address it (which is generic and could be copied and pasted or autofilled) would surely be the one that didn't actively exclude.

YANBU

Some things are addressed to whoever gets the child benefit which is often the mother so things like the NHS number go her.

I suppose it depends who filled in the form that you are talking about. I would think it reasonable to send the reply to whoever filled it in. I am not entirely sure if you did the application or not (you said you signed it I think?). If you filled it in then YANBU. If your wife did then maybe YABU.

I wouldn't worry about the school wondering who you are when you pick up your child. You will have been to the school yourself by then and they ask you to fill in a pile of forms and consents so it won't be an issue.

As for the pre and post natal appointments I am sure that if they HA addressed letters to both of you there would be arguments from other people over that too on the grounds that they were making assumptions about the relationship of the parents. Especially prenatally it is up to the mother to invite the father to these things. Not everybody is in a happy and stable relationship even if they are technically married and having a child together. Inviting the father might make things very difficult for some mothers.

God I hope your kids don't turn out as pedantic as their father.

Wow!

Mine is adressed to Dear Parent/Guardian in the singular form .I am pretty sure there was only my signature on the form so am not surprised.

On the bakstatement of our joint account both mine and DH's names appear in their full form (for me maiden name followed by married name)

Ambassador - If people weren't pedantic in the past, women wouldn't have the vote, and would be paid less for the same work.

Neice - sending the NHS number would have nothing to do with who gets child benefit, as the NHS and DWP databases do not talk to each other due to patient confidentiality (yet, anyway...). I take your point regarding the mother being uncomfortable with the father being there, but if the father has parental responsibilty, then he does have a right to have the same parenting lessons as the mother...

"Ambassador - If people weren't pedantic in the past, women wouldn't have the vote, and would be paid less for the same work."

Ladies have the vote now!!! Since when?

I think you'll find women get paid less for the same work but it's normally some pedant who points that out. :-)

The moment has probably passed for this but I admit my error re NHS number - you get it on registering the birth and I got muddled with something else that you get with child benefit which is seemingly unrelated to it.

With regards to fathers having parental responsibility, surely fathers only get that after the birth? That would give no right to the father to be informed about antenatal care. Besides which, how is anybody to know for sure which fathers do and which do not have parental responsibility? Even if there is a Mr and Mrs on the form, that doesn't necessarily mean the child belongs to the Mr. Safer to put it all in the mother's name.