to be pissed off that DP came in at 3.45am on a Friday night / sat morning?

[lightsandshapes]

He went out with his friends - fine...
But what do men in their forties do until 3.45 am in town?
He reckons just dancing?
He says I should 'trust him'.
I don't get these 'boys nights out' tbh.
Should I?
I'm three months pregnant.

Do you have any reason to not trust him? What time do the clubs close?

I personally can't manage that late anymore (am 36) but lots can. If a club is open till 1 or 2am and then the drunken stupid walks to the kebab place and on to get a cab can take forever so 3.45 isn't that bad.

Is this a regular thing? To be honest it doesn't matter where he is, you either trust him or you don't?
But you are pg and hormones will make you a little more sensitive

Well, my husband came in in the early hours of this morning. Not sure what time because I was fast asleep. But there he was when I woke up (he's sleeping it off atm )

He used to pull all-nighters. I used to think he was screwing around. He'd say he'd slept in the car cos obv couldn't drive home. - oh, last night he was drinking in the village so no car.

I used to accuse him of all sorts. phone him up when out and yell at his answerphone because he'd turned off his phone (because of all my calls to scream at him), stay awake all night because he wasn't home, huff about the next day, make a right fuss.

Now I don't care. I go to bed and he's there the next day. He's more or less packed in the all nighters. Can't actually remember the last time. He no longer turns his phone off when out and in fact phones me. several times. sometimes while vomiting

I dunno. I just think it's no big deal. 3.45. watch crappy telly, eat rubbish, enjoy the bed to yourself. amuse yourself with the thought of a group of men in their 40s 'dancing'.

How often does he go out?

Well, I didn' think those clubs closed that late - it's a little town - I'd say 1am. Though chips shops / kebab shops open later. He shared a taxi home with our next door neighbour - his friend.
I dunno why - I just wonder why men go on 'boys nights out'.... surely just drinking is pretty boring

Well, you're drunk when you're doing it, so no. Staring at the wall is fairly entertaining after 12 pints.

Wouldn't bother me unless I had a reason to believe he was cheating or he has "form" for shit behaviour / sleeping around /lying.

I would hate to think my partner was questioning what took me so long to get home. Drunk mates, leave club at closing, takes ages to queue for cloakroom, toilet, walk to kebab shop, queue for ages, each food on pavement as can't take into cab, queue for cab, drive home etc... all takes time.

Chill and make sure he cooks the dinner today to make up for being in bed all morning :)

thanks Hecate and Magnolia.
I actually had quote a nice night in by myself - cooked a veggie curry, read a book and my neighbour (the wife of the one he was out with) poppoed over for a tea.

he doesn't go out that often at al really - about 2/3 times a month.

Perhaps I'm a bit jealous that all my friends are now babied up (and me soon) and I haven't been on a night out for AGES!!!!

My friends don't seem up for that anymore, where as his do. Perhaps I should get him to tak me out on more 'date nights' or something.

P.s have seen him dancing when drunk and it's quite... er 'Exuberant'

3.45 is considered early where i live. here the clubs don't close till 6 am. i can't see the attraction myself. If he was with a group of friends he may not have wanted to leave before everyone else did.

thank you - you people are brilliant. My mind is at rest.... I am going off to my sat morning yoga class and feel smug about my clear head, while he sleeps off his probably sore one

I come in about this time often on a weekend night. My husband doesnt mind and knows I am not doing anything dodgy as he trusts me. I dont think this is weird at all everyone is allowed some time off with the boys/girls.

We have a 3 year old daughter but I still enjoy going out and having my own time away from her. I am with her all through the week so think when its the weekend I should be allowed to let off some steam when she is asleep. I still wake up in the morning though and look after her and hangovers dont effect me bad (Im in my 20s). I dont see why this would be a problem even when you have had children as long as he pulls his weight at other times.

I do remember its annoying when your pregnant though and cant go out. Its not forever though and before you know it you will be able to have your own social life again and have a lovely baby so dont worry.

Hecate - just watched that video..... MMMMWWWWWHAHHAHAHAHA

there you go. Next time he goes out, remember that.

dh only goes out every couple of months and cant hack it past 3 but when i go out i refuse to leave town til 4am at the earliest, having a baby i rarely go out so when i do i make a real night of it!!! i hop im still rolling in at that time in my 40's!!!!, when pg i went out a few times til late with my bottle of water but it wasnt as fun

I don't think 3.45am is late if out at a club.

Blimey you lot. Where do you get the energy!

If it's an occasional thing i don't think it matters.
DP does it once in a while - goes out with some mates, gets bladdered goes back to one of his single friend's flats, smokes spliff and talks shit for 6 hours...rather he did it there than here!

Aren't us older people allowed to go out and have fun, lightsandshapes?

Can't bear this kind of ageism.

And I think YABU - as long as he's not doing anything untoward, why shouldn't he stay out till that late?

This is a trust and/ or hormonal issue. If my DP wanted to go out I wouldn't give it a second thought except to want to know if he is staying out really late (past 1am) or not. That way I know whether to expect him home and wait up (I don't like sleeping alone and I know that is a little sad lol).

Otherwise, I trust him and know he wouldn't do anything so I let him be with his mates. Sometimes men need that guy time. Plus, when I go out with my mates till the wee hours of the morn, I would like it if he trusted me and didn't get upset because I have a life outside the home. I enjoy going out and I think it works both ways. I judge him by my own standards, I wouldn't do anything so why should he.

Oh but I do get the being envious of his being able to go out. I am just under 4 months pregnant and it sucks that on the recent warmer days I haven't been able to go out like I used to. I get very moody sometimes .

It's all about trust and proportion really. I do all sorts of quite separate things from dp - some of which involve weekends away performing - and I don't expect him to stay home pining. But we've not got small children and do have absolute trust in each other. I'd never be able to live with anyone who couldn't cope with my independence either so certainly don't expect a series of texts when I'm out of the house.

My former husband (and father of dcs) was a great one for the pub and the one thing I wish I'd done was set some reasonable boundaries from the day that I brought ds1 home and ex-h disappeared off for his customary night out. He genuinely seemed to think that a 7-day a week pub habit was still appropriate and I was far too tolerant. Unfortunately, by the time we had two little children and the habit had become (in his eyes) acceptable, it was very difficult to get him to stay in. He wasn't up to anything more than drinking a few pints and talking bollocks having conversations with mates but it was still very disruptive to our family life and eventually caused awful rows that lead to the end of our marriage.

So basically, I don't think it is BU to go out and stay out late - there's nothing worse than knowing that person who is staying home is doing so on sufferance - but I do think there has to be a sensible and agreed balance.

ok, now he's been invited to a party down south on easter saturday 5 hours away from us by his batchellor (recently split from partner) friend. I was conspicuously not invited. Surely I can be pissed off about that?