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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider antidepressants for this?

26 replies

jellykit · 15/04/2011 09:06

My mood seems to fluctuate a lot-i'm not describing bipolar here by the way as there are no 'highs'. It's never so bad though that I can't get out of bed or that I consider killing myself. Many days during the month I feel like I have no energy to interact with the kids properly and it's not unusual for them to be in front on cbeebies for hours at a time. I'm tired -but yeah yeah so is everyone on MN

The main issue is I get so stressed I can't think clearly or make simple decisions. The stress isnt based on anything in the hear and now.
Two years ago before children I had a really really stressful job and I went from being a chilled confindent person to being a bit of a weirdo. I started to have invasive thoughts, became obsessed with 'checking' things, jumped out of my skin at little noises and started to have problems socially. The social problems took the form of rabbiting on at a fast pace, blurting out inappropriate things and generally coming across as 'on edge'. I used to be the sort of person who people listened to when I talked. I was always the 'leader'. Now I know people see me differently as they react to me differently. It upsets me.

I left my job due to being a mother and I thought i'd return to my old self-but I haven't. I'm still jittery. I can't afford counselling, circumstances don't allow for a break away from it. I just want to feel normal for a while until I have money for therapy.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
jellykit · 15/04/2011 09:09

Oh and I forgot to say I feel angry most days. It comes on me suddenly and I feel totally enraged. I can control it though. Last night it was because DH wanted to laptop for an hour. I was so angry I was grinding my teeth and I went into the loo to practice throwing punches at an imaginary person.
I've never hurt anyone IRL though

OP posts:
Original poster
jellykit · 15/04/2011 09:11

I am sitting here in front of the laptop while the kids watch ceebeebs as I am unable to make a decision as to whether to go to the park or somewhere else-can't work out whether to go now before naptime from the youngest and risk her screaming for hours and the stress that will engender or what

I used to make life and death decisions

OP posts:
FAB5 · 15/04/2011 09:22

I think I understand how you feel and I have had similar feelings. I am rubbish coping with minor things but if the children are really ill I am good. I find it hard at times to make decisions and have been known to ring DH to ask him to tell me what to do.I also jump a lot at noises when watching tv.

Original poster
jellykit · 15/04/2011 09:42

FAB5: Yes, I am a deferring all decisions to him at the moment. Lucky for me he isn't an abusive twunt. I feel horrified by my behaviour but I find myself say 'Oh I don't mind, what do you think we should do?' in this horrible whiny pathetic voice.

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Pheebe · 15/04/2011 09:44

Jellykit, your posts have resonated hugely with me. I have experienced similar (very simliar) over the last few years. Mine started building up shortly after having DS1 nearly 7 years ago.

I felt down and close to tears almost all the time. Tired, so so tired and unable to motivate myself to do anything. Scared of making decisions, big or small. Angry and irritable. Resentful, guilty, put upon, panicky, stressed and generally like I just wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there.

I have recently made the decision to start antidepressants. I feel like a different person now. Looking back I was on the verge of a breakdown and being the main bread winner for our family this would have been a disaster.

I'm not sure the ADs are entirely responsible for the dramatic change I've experienced or whether admitting I have a problem, accepting I'm depressed, that I'm not superwoman and that I cannot do everything, has also contributed. I am now making a conscious effort to live my life at a different pace. Things don't have to be done 'right now' and I am making sure I do what I feel like doing not what I think 'needs' to be done.

Changes I've made include little things like sitting down to have a cup of coffee and reading a book or watching half an hour of tv instead of drinking it on the run while trying to load the dishwasher, mop the floor and put the breakfast things away. DH has always been a fairly equal partner in terms of running the house but has taken on more things recently so that I can just spend time with the boys or rest. I'm also trying to change the way I think about my family and my role in it. I had slipped into an attitude that I was here to look after and provide for them and had lost my sense of 'me'. Thats changing now, keeping me happy is as important as keeping everyone else happy.

This is turning into a bit of a ramble and I don't know how much will be helpful to you at this point. I would suggest checking out the mental health board, huge amounts of support, advice and experience over there. Your experiences aren't unusual by any stretch! And you can do something about it all.

ConnorTraceptive · 15/04/2011 09:46

I know where you are coming from and a trip to the doctor would be a good idea. Since having children I am a terrible decision maker about any small meaningless thing. I have taken ad's in the past and they were helpful for me

Original poster
jellykit · 15/04/2011 09:55

Oh thank you Pheebee! I am making time for myself like you describe and taking it easy. Please could you tell me what antidepressants you were precribed and whether they were easy to get?

x

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Pheebe · 15/04/2011 10:01

I'm taking citalopram (seems to be the NHS AD of choice at the moment). Low dose, 20 mg a day. I went to the doctor having done a couple of online depression screeners that indicated I was mildy depressed. I had to complete a screener in the doctors office and we then talked about next steps (watch and wait, counseling, counseling plus ADs) and it was my decision. Went back 4 weeks later to decide whether to carry on or not, change dose etc. I plan to be on them for 6 to 9 months then wean off slowly

Still waiting for a counseling appointment though (!!)

Huffythetantrumslayer · 15/04/2011 10:04

I have recently been to the doc about very similar feelings and asked for ad. She didn't want tomprescribe then and recommended counselling. I don't want to talk about how crap I feel or why. I just want to start feeling better not worse. I've been depressed before and am bit fed up that doc doesn't want to prescribe them. If I had counselling I'd have to take ds with me which would make it difficult and I don't want to sit there and get upset with him the room which I no doubt will. But I'd suggest talking to your doc definitely.

Pheebe · 15/04/2011 10:16

Huffy, can you go and see a different doctor or go back and ask her to explain why she's refusing to prescribe them? ADs aren't a wonder pill and your GP is right to be cautious, but you seem very clear in your thinking. Don't be fobbed off or feel like you have to put up with the way you're feeling.

Huffythetantrumslayer · 15/04/2011 10:30

Thank you pheebe. I've got another appointment with her on Monday, will see what she says then. If not will speak to another doc. I know they don't want to prescribe them willy nilly, but I have been here before and now I've 'seen the light' and realise somethings not right with my mood and feelings I want to prevent this getting worse before it's too late.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 15/04/2011 11:39

I know it sounds daft, but have you had your thyroid levels checked? Jitteryness, on edge, feeling hyper and stressed, jumping at noises, mood swings, depressive symptoms etc. They are all symptoms of an over-active thyroid. Have you lost weight? Do you sleep well?

Just something to rule out maybe, its a simple blood test but its worth checking. I only got diagnosed after a year of anti-d's that didn't help me much, I just got sicker.

Original poster
jellykit · 15/04/2011 11:44

hi Winter. No I havent lost any weight. I've been at the same level of fatness for years. I sleep like a log

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WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 15/04/2011 11:52

well no harm asking the doctor for a blood test, not everyone has all of the symptoms. It's estimated that 50% thyroid patients go undiagnosed, and for most its really easy to treat.

I'm probably way off, just wanted to suggest it as a thought you may not have considered. I wish someone had said it to me 2 years ago, could have saved me an awful lot of trouble. Good luck Smile

Pixielovescake · 15/04/2011 12:16

The invasive thoughts and compulsive checking could be OCD. Have you discussed them with anyone ? AD can be used to treat this too (Prozac being one) and it often goes hand in hand with depression and anger and being anxious.

Original poster
jellykit · 15/04/2011 12:25

Yes Pixie no doubt it was mild OCD. It's tailed off a bit now. I only check the oven twice when I leave the house or go to bed. I haven't really felt the need to discuss any of this with anyone for a second opinion as I recognise what is wrong with me and what is needed. Ideally i'd be having CBT but the cost is prohibitive and my issues are not serious enough to get me to the top of an NHS free treatment list.

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 15/04/2011 12:28

Have you considered underactive thyroid?

Original poster
jellykit · 15/04/2011 12:36

No I haven't. I will look it up

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Pixielovescake · 15/04/2011 12:39

Well it might be worth mentioning as along with all the other things it could indicate an on going issue that might benefit from some sort of treatment ( doesnt have to be ADs). And i should mention that these sorts of thins can re occur when you are stressed so if you catch it early you would have stratergies to deal with it in the future

lesley33 · 15/04/2011 12:42

I have underactive thyroid and was very anxious/neurotic before diagnosis. Other symptoms you would be likely to have would be feeling cold when others don't, very dry skin and hair, swelling feet, and feeling weary and tired. It is under diagnosed condition.

But it is worth seeing your GP anyway for anti cdepressants nad counselling. Most GP's can refer you to couselling through the NHS although there might be a bit of a wait.

SolarPanel · 15/04/2011 12:46

Definitely see the GP. I am not a doctor but I think antidepressants would help you - it does sound like you have depression and OCD, both of which can be helped by the right antidepressant. Also you can get therapy on the NHS if you need it.

lesley33 · 15/04/2011 12:47

Might also be worth you trying to build up your confidence. IME best way to do this is to achieve at something. So amybe an evening class in something that interests you or voluntary work.

Exercise is also know to help with anxiety and depression, so worth trying. And getting outside into a green space can also help - so walking in your local park or beauty spot. I know it is hard to motivate yourself to do this, when you are not feeling great; but it can be worth it.

Also try not to avoid doing things because they make you anxious. Easy to say and hard to do I know. But people can progress from how you are feeling to becoming agrophobic or with other severe phobias as they avoid doing stuff.

I'd try and not worry about your kids watching lots of tv. TBH I think you feeling better and more able to cope is more important than the kids watching a bit too much tv.

Original poster
jellykit · 15/04/2011 12:57

My skin is a bit dry but nothing abnormal. No feeling of coldness, hair is fine, no swelling. Very achy in my joints though but I put that down to being 35.

OP posts:
lesley33 · 15/04/2011 13:03

Doesn't sound like underactive thyroid then. Achy joints can be a sign of depression/anxiety. Still worth going to your GP though for a referral to counselling and if needed anti depressants.

triskaidekaphile · 15/04/2011 13:04

Being 35 is not a reason for achey joints!!!! 35 is a baby still, sister. You must need a bit of help if you are feeling old at your baby age! Seriously, definitely go to the dr, jelly. These are not feelings you should just accept as inevitable. Very best of luck to you.:)