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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider DC no 3 at age 36/7?

33 replies

notoutnumberedyet · 14/04/2011 21:39

Thinking aloud I guess. Financial situation is no longer particularly secure since recession though fine day to day. 2 previous sections. Pregnancies fine though pretty sick/tired. Think I am feeling under pressure to make a decision soon (tick tock etc). DS2 just passing toddler phase so is it just a reaction to this and will it pass? While I am unlikely to rush into anything I really don't feel I can give it a year or two to see how I feel. Starting to notice too many wrinkles! DH probably happy either way. Sorry, rambling.

OP posts:
heliumballoons · 14/04/2011 21:44

YANBU. But your right if your going to do it the risks will increase/ chances of conceiving lower the longer you leave it.

Happymm · 14/04/2011 21:45

I had no 1@ 36, no 2@ 38 and no 3 @ 41. All three sections-2 crash last one planned. Was v tired with pregnancy 3 as had no downtime and was hard with 3 under 4 but they're very close and lovely friends niw. We had a definite gap that no3 filled :) Go for it if and when you want, you have plenty of time :o

EldonAve · 14/04/2011 21:45

Get in with it

heliumballoons · 14/04/2011 21:49

Oh happymm thats great. Totally contradicts what I said but in a good way Grin Congratulations btw.

Happymm · 14/04/2011 21:53

Thanks Helium-am a right old fart-planning on being oldest mummy at reception gates when no3 starts school!:o

onceamai · 14/04/2011 21:58

36/7 get a grip girl - you have years ahead of you and plenty of time.

NormanTebbit · 14/04/2011 21:59

I had DD3 at 35. She is 22 months now. Pregnancy three was hard, I was tired with a toddler and pre schooler to look after. I also had three sections but that was fine for me.

We have found the lack of sleep tough, we both get tired more easily. We have also found it getting tougher financially - me not working for that but longer, bigger car needed, costs of food, holidays, eating out are more with three kids although it may not be a problem for you.

But she is lovely and the girls adore her. She makes us laugh every day. dP is besotted.

sprinkles77 · 14/04/2011 21:59

my mum had my bro aged 39. I was 15 and my other brother 12 at the time. Yes she was the oldest mum at the school gates, but also the coolest and most confident, and my baby brother (aged 18 now) is the most sorted, sensible, independent and least fucked up of all of us.

MrsCampbellBlack · 14/04/2011 22:01

I was 36 when had dc3 and the Dr laughed when I said i was worried as so old.

Also had 3 c-sections and just 19 months between dc2 and 3. I have found the tiredness harder each time but then dc3 has been my worst sleeper.

3 has its challenges of course but I do love having 3 and my last one was not planned but has been a delightful surprise.

onelittleclara · 14/04/2011 22:08

I am 36 years old and 34 weeks pregnant. I have two DS's, 4 and 2. I will warn you it's knackering. Your body is ageing, and although current opinion seems to suggest this is not old to concieve, it's not just about getting pregnant. It's about the extra risks associated with age and then having to raise them when you are starting to lose energy yourself. I personally wouldn't have waited any longer, but it's a personal thing. Also having three suddenly makes everything a little harder. We need a bigger house, a bigger car, holidays are designed for 2 adults, 2 children.........

ilikeyoursleeves · 14/04/2011 22:11

I am in exact same boat! Just posted on parenting re the same issue and then I saw this post. I will be 36 this year and I'm pondering number 3. I'd love it but finances and space are a worry... Just think I might regret it if we don't IYKWIM?

My 2 DS's get on so well though that I'm also a bit worried that no.3 might affect the nice equilibrium that we have at the mo. But then again they might enhance it.

We may also need IVF again as we did with DS1 and out frozen embryos will only be frozen for another year. Tick tock!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

exoticfruits · 14/04/2011 22:12

I would consider it reasonably young!

Original poster
notoutnumberedyet · 14/04/2011 22:16

thanks for all comments so far. On the one hand, I do think that 'these days' I'm not so old, however, as clara says, the issue will not (hopefully) be difficulty conceiving, but having the energy thereafter and additional risk factors. I do feel I am ageing (always was of course but conscious of it last couple of years). Glad to hear so many of you have positive experiences though.

OP posts:
Original poster
notoutnumberedyet · 14/04/2011 22:19

sleeves interesting. I know exactly what you mean about regret if don't, however.....

Havig said all of this, if asked if I want tea or coffee I have to think for a long time, so you can imagine how sore this is making my brain.

OP posts:
LeninGregg · 14/04/2011 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilikeyoursleeves · 14/04/2011 22:23

It's the whole car, rooms, holidays, seats in shopping trolleys (although DS1 won't need that anymore I guess) thing. And attention for each child. And money. Though they will each have 2 siblings which would be nice. And I could have another baby to cuddle!

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 14/04/2011 22:27

YANBU

my mum had my dsis and dbro at 37 and 40 and is doing great, (had me at 20) however risks do increase as you get older, we discovered that when we lost my youngest brother at 38wks Sad

ilikeyoursleeves · 14/04/2011 22:31

I'm also a bit worried about the impact on my job. I started a new post (in same organisation) after ML with DS2 and I worry how I will be perceived if I go off AGAIN for another ML. ie I am a skiver who isn't interested in her career.

angrymomma · 14/04/2011 22:35

I had DS1 at 35, DD at 40 and DS2 at 42, so you're a spring chicken OP.

Must add how completely shattered I feel every day.

Also, my mum always has this look of awe on her face when we visit her. She shakes her head and exclaims " OMG, I don't know how you cope". Must add that she had 3 DCS but she was 20 years younger than me when she had DC no 3, so she was physically more able to cope I suppose.

And it can be a bit embarressing at the school gates when you see someone you went to school with picking up their...... GRANDCHILDREN!

missnevermind · 14/04/2011 22:37

I had DC 3 at 38 and will be having DC4 in a couple of months - I will be 40 on Sunday. I am absolutely worn out and it has got harder as I have gotten older. But I would not have changed any of it. I have made allowances for my age this time round.
Go for it while you are still young!

Icelollycraving · 14/04/2011 22:45

Go for it if you want more,I'm 38 due with first!

FunnysInTheGarden · 14/04/2011 22:47

YABU. I can barely cope with 2 DC!

nepenthe3 · 15/04/2011 09:07

YANBU. Had my third DC at 36 (my first was born when I was 28). 2 emcs and 1 planned cs. I didn't think I was particularly old actually and didn't dwell on the age thing too much, somewhere in my head I still think I'm 22! Have had some crazy broody thoughts about a DC4 recently (now 38)! The third c-section took a little longer due to scar tissue but on the whole was fine and obviously better than the two emcs. I found the third pregnancy hardest in terms of tiredness. Don't know if this was age related or that DC2 was still a baby/ toddler at the time... I find life with 3 DCs is crazy at times and hard work but full of fun and laughter, I wouldn't change it anything. Good luck with whatever you decide!

newrose · 15/04/2011 18:40

I had DD1 at 33 and DS1 at 40. Please don't assume getting pregnant will be easy, if you decide to go ahead and it takes longer than a few months get to the doctor immediately!

I'd say that as long as you're healthy, follow all the guidelines and can cope with being the oldest woman in the waiting room every time you're there (we were into double figures on the scans!) then you've done as much as you can towards a happy healthy pregnancy.

I found second time around easier because I'm the kind of person who likes to know what to expect and although my baby has now turned into a total boy I wouldn't change a thing! (Except my dress size obv, and the ability to concentrate on anything for longer than 30 seconds . . .).

schmee · 15/04/2011 18:50

I assumed it would be difficult to get pregnant with DC3 age 37 and turned out it wasn't as fell pregnant basically by accident.

I've really noticed the difference in how I've felt during the pregnancy (I was 33 last time) and I'm worried about the recovery after the next section, and about coping with a third. I also feel guilty that the illness in this pregnancy has meant months of not being on form for my existing children.

Still wouldn't change it though..