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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague made a pass at me

61 replies

beanlet · 14/04/2011 20:53

I would be flattered if I wasn't so bemused, as at the moment I feel the least sexy I have ever felt...

We were at a conference this week involving an overnight stay. Despite the fact that I'm recently married, still packing loads of baby weight and breastfeeding, my colleague made an unmistakeable pass at me!!!!

Little did he know that I was desperate to get away from the group and pump my painful rock-hard breasts before they exploded Grin

So on a scale of 1 to 10 how U was he being?

OP posts:
Finger · 15/04/2011 10:50

Maybe he was desperate to pump your rock hard breasts before he exploded.

MichaelaS · 15/04/2011 11:39

slimey and a bit presumptious to attempt this with someone he knew was married. probably a bad plan to try it on with a collegue full stop. but not U to try it on in a social setting with someone you fancy if you don't know they are with someone.

IMHO weight, lactation and recently giving birth are not that relevant, except to your own self image. Doesn't mean people won't find you attractive just because you're not feeling at your heigh of sexiness right now. Grin

Flower1000 · 15/04/2011 11:43

I'd take it as a compliment :) as long as you were happy that once you'd told him to 'bugger off' he did (i'm presuming you did anyway).

Some blokes have no morals and don't think it's a problem to make a pass at a married woman, just notch it up to experience, and as others have said.......

Ya still got it :o leaky boobs n all.

rofl@the bitty remarks :o

LadyOfTheManor · 15/04/2011 11:44

Compliment?

"Oh thank you kind sir for making me feel a tad uncomfortable". Hmm yes, well done you.

BaronessBomburst · 15/04/2011 11:51

This happened to me when I went back to work after maternity leave. There were some new staff from an agency who didn't know me. One guy spent ten minutes chatting to me about my baby, his sister's baby, and then asked me out. I was stunned. I decided that he was a desperate tosser and I was probably the only woman who'd ever spoken to him. I didn't take it as a compliment either.

AccioPinotGrigio · 15/04/2011 11:56

Conferences . Meat markets by another name.

Flower1000 · 15/04/2011 12:01

ladyofthemanor i don't see what's wrong with someone expressing they find you attractive. Ok you might not want the attention but where is the harm? You can choose to get all indignant and stuffy about it, or simply take it that someone is actually paying you a bit of a compliment, smile to yourself that maybe you are still attractive to the opposite sex and move on.

Not seeing what the harm is as long as he buggered off when told. Yeah he's a twat knowing the OP is married but we don't all live in an ideal world where people do what they should do..

LadyOfTheManor · 15/04/2011 12:06

never mind.

Feel free to pander to men telling you whatever it is you want to hear.

SardineQueen · 15/04/2011 12:15

Wouldn't bother me as long as he didn't press the point!

Seems a bit odd to come onto a newly married woman who has recently had a baby but there you go! I was going to ask if he was pissed but realise that could be taken the wrong way Grin I would mean it in a lowering inhibitions way, rather than a beer goggles way Grin

dearyme · 15/04/2011 12:19

lady of the manor, i shouldnt worry love, dont think there is much chance of you having the same problem Grin

einstein1 · 15/04/2011 12:21

LadyOfTheManor

I really don't understand your problem. I was whistled at in the street the other day. It made my day.

compo · 15/04/2011 12:26

But if a woman came up tk your dh knowing he was married you'd think she was a slut

LadyOfTheManor · 15/04/2011 12:30

Einstein- I shan't be getting into a debate with you, as I've seen your other ridiculous posts.

Dearyme- Care to elaborate?

einstein1 · 15/04/2011 12:32

LadyOfTheManor Fri 15-Apr-11 12:30:19
Einstein- I shan't be getting into a debate with you, as I've seen your other ridiculous posts.

Go burn your bra, gal. Lol.

AccioPinotGrigio · 15/04/2011 12:38

I think I'm with Lady of the Manor on this one. What's flattering in being propositioned by a man at a conference who basically wants you for a fuck jar? It's the polar opposite of flattering, it's a fucking insult.

SardineQueen · 15/04/2011 12:51

Grin @ people being forced into diametrically opposed positions

I am in the middle

I don't like being whistled at on the street
I wouldn't mind a bloke I was talking to at a conference making a pass at me as long as he took no for an answer/didn't press the point
I wouldn't describe anyone as a "slut"
Although I generally disapprove of people who make a play for people who they know are in relationships

There is a middle ground here! (Where reasonable people reside Wink)

nijinsky · 15/04/2011 12:53

I'm with LadyOfTheManor too. IMHO he was counting on you being flattered because you'd recently had a baby.

einstein1 if my day was made by some creep whistling at me in the street, I honestly think I'd do something about making my days more fun.

chipmonkey · 15/04/2011 12:54

yuk, yuk and yuk!

If nothing else because if I were at a conference I would be there in a professional capacity and would feel very annoyed at being viewed as a piece of meat for the gratification of the male delegates.

Again10 · 15/04/2011 13:03

I always thought the reason BF is so unsexy is precisely because you are not (very) fertile at that time.

Someone fancying you doesn't mean they see you as a piece of meat or a fuck jar. Even if it's just a one night stand.

AccioPinotGrigio · 15/04/2011 13:05

I work in a male dominated industry and let me tell you, after attending conferences with these guys for years there is no middle ground. They don't give a shit if you feel flattered, they aren't thinking about your sensibilities.

chipmonkey · 15/04/2011 13:11

Fancying is one thing

Making an actual pass is entirely another.

SardineQueen · 15/04/2011 14:39

This "fuckjar" business is revolting.

Maybe he is just after a screw. Maybe he has fancied her from afar for ages and had a couple and said something he'll wish he hadn't later. Who can say.

I have been in male dominated environments a lot and the men are no different to other sorts of men ie some are very nice and some are wankers. Not very nice to say they all see women as meat and nothing more than "fuckjars".

SardineQueen · 15/04/2011 14:40

The things I have been to with work haven't been a one way street on the making passes front either Grin

Original poster
beanlet · 16/04/2011 09:29

God, I wish I had told him about my need to pump my rock-hard breasts, but maybe that would have just encouraged him!

I wish I could remember exactly what he said. He was a music scholar, and he made an academic research-related comment (yes, really) about Schubert and sex, and I said "oh no, definitely not" (because I CANNOT get-it-awn to music of any kind; and NO, non-feminist ladies (and lurking gents), I was NOT "asking for it" -- I did NOT expand upon my comment in any way).

And he said "You don't like Schubert?" And I said "of course I like Schubert, who doesn't?"

and he said "so you don't like sex?" To which I went "mumble, mumble, mumble [thinking "fuck, I fell into that one! Eeek!"]

and he said "We can go to my room and enjoy some Schubert" and I said, walking off, "Well, goodnight, I'm off to my room to get some sleep -- see you in the morning [knowing I was heading to the airport at 5:45 AM]"

and he said "Well, I hope you dream of Schubert".

I am hoping Schubert was not his name for his willy.

OP posts:
Original poster
beanlet · 16/04/2011 09:32

And, I have to say, it was quite a classy pass really, and wholly non-pressurised, and if it had been another lifetime ago when I was unmarried and unsprogged, maybe....

But under the circumstances I just found it bemusing.

OP posts: