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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if your DH/DP does NOTHING for your fortieth birthday

32 replies

Thenonevent · 14/04/2011 18:26

not a card, not a present, gets you nothing from your dc who are too small to do it themselves and then claims he was skint but did manage to pay for and go away abroad for a stag do a month or two before then he probably doesn't actually give a f*ck about you and you should accept you are in no way important or special to him?

OP posts:
ZZMum · 14/04/2011 18:29

er yes pretty much sadly.. unless you are a very clear directive giver and have told him consistently that you do not want anything for your birthdays..

hardhatdonned · 14/04/2011 18:30

Pretty much sounds like grounds for arguments if not more in my book.

squeakytoy · 14/04/2011 18:31

Erm yup.... he is a selfish twat. Did he ask if you minded him going on the stag do though, or did you encourage him to go?

LGJ · 14/04/2011 18:31

Leave the bastard, and I am not joking.

We were skint, when I was 40, so he invited my BF and her partner to stay overnight and he spent the whole day cooking and preparing tapas for us.

It meant so much to me because he gave me his time.

If we had, had money he would never have gone away at the expense of marking my 40th.

He sounds like a total waste of space.

What did your family do ?

LindsayWagner · 14/04/2011 18:32

It is pretty crap. Has he always been crap? Or has he grown into it?
Skintness, even if genuine, he must know is no excuse? (am assuming that you would hv been v happy with breakfast in bed, homemade cards, singing happy birthday)
Skintness argument in any case obviously compromised by stag do.

Disclaimer: it's taken a few Birthdays of the Sobbings for dp, who genuinely dsnt care about them, to get the message that I bloody do.

Original poster
Thenonevent · 14/04/2011 18:32

No have never told him not to bother, he just doesn't, says birthdays don't mean anything to him so why should he make the effort.

OP posts:
SixtyFootDoll · 14/04/2011 18:33

He sounds like a selfish arse.
Do you make a fuss for his birthdays?

SixtyFootDoll · 14/04/2011 18:33

He sounds like a selfish arse.
Do you make a fuss for his birthdays?

squeakytoy · 14/04/2011 18:33

In that case, he is definately a twat. Just because birthdays dont matter to HIM doesnt mean they dont matter to other people.

I bet he didnt refuse the gifts you gave him on his birthdays, did he.

ashamedandconfused · 14/04/2011 18:33

he's a selfish pig, at the very least, and insensitive to your feelings - did he not offer ANYTHING, a take away, or a night out later when you had more cash spare?

no card fom the DC Sad thats very sad IMO

medicalmayhem · 14/04/2011 18:34

thats shitty, he should of made an effort even if it was to give you something from the kids!

onceamai · 14/04/2011 18:35

He has a HUGE debt for your 50th.

LeQueen · 14/04/2011 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Thenonevent · 14/04/2011 18:38

I make big efforts for birthdays and he loves it. It is my kids really, I feel like he is sending the message that everyone in the family is worth the effort for apart from me. Kids get loads of presents and a day out, I make his special but he doesn't bother for me, been like this for about five years now.

OP posts:
Nagoo · 14/04/2011 18:38

If birthdays mean nothing to him, that's fine. he needn't celebrate his.

How long have you been together?

Was he to know that birthdays are important to you?

Have you ever explicitly told him that you would like a fuss making of your birthday?

How is he to know that you don't feel the same way he does?

ashamedandconfused · 14/04/2011 18:38

so he's never bothered about birthdays, even though you have made it clear you expect something? how long have you been together?

FAB5 · 14/04/2011 18:39

YWNBU.

My dh buys me 2 birthday cards every year because he knows I love cards. He is happy with anything at all I get him.

You need to talk. He needs to listen.

beingsetup · 14/04/2011 18:41

YANBU deny him sex for a month

Becaroooo · 14/04/2011 18:42

Erm...YANBU.

What a knob.

Its not about the money though, is it?...I for one wont be getting much this year! BUT I will get cards from the dc (homemeade probably) and breakfast in bed Smile

Sorry you had a rotten b day x

ashamedandconfused · 14/04/2011 18:43

I get the hump (only very mildly) about having to make my own birthday cake but till the DC are old enough to do it, theres no real option as DHs would be a disaster, and off the shelf wont work as we need gluten and dairy free.

But I still get taken out for dinner, cards, presents (even if i have to drop massive hints about what I would like or buy it myself for him to wrap up - there have been one or 2 odd gifts in our 15 years but its the thought that counts)

In your shoes i would be buying myself something from the DC and FGS tell him how upset you are, and he needs to make it up to you. whether intentionally or not, he has hurt you, if he feels no remorse seriously consider your future together.

nometime · 14/04/2011 18:49

Really sorry for you and know how you feel.

After 24 yrs together other half is eventually getting the message - i like celebrations! Mothers' Day was perfect, breakfast in bed, homemade cards and a huge bunch of daffs. Perfect, I don't want huge expensive presents, it really is the THOUGHT that counts.

Explain, it is not the cost it's the thought and time that matters.

LindsayWagner · 14/04/2011 18:49

Happy Birthday btw!

"You seem to like it when I arrange to make a fuss of your birthday, and most people do. Why didn't you think I would too?"

ENormaSnob · 14/04/2011 18:51

Yanbu and I agree with you.

It sounds like he doesn't give a fuck.

jamaisjedors · 14/04/2011 18:52

Depends on the background I suppose.

For DH's 40ieth I did nothing much, well cooked a meal and subscribed him to a newspaper he wanted, that's it.

I was pissed off with him for not getting me anything for christmas for a couple of years and pissed off with him in general at that stage I think so couldn't be bothered.

Thankfully, that was a bad patch and we are past it now, but I don't think that ONE event necessarily is an indication of the person's feelings for you long-term.

Merlotmonster · 14/04/2011 18:59

i would be very upset..;-((( sorry you had a bad birthday... Appreciate that without money its difficult, but there's other ways you can make someone feel special...

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