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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be incensed by this DM article - reluctant 'housedad'

77 replies

Rhinestone · 14/04/2011 12:57

here

What a juvenile, petulant, pathetic, sniveling excuse for a 'man'. Am racking my brains for what his good-looking wife sees in him.

Must give up reading the DM.

OP posts:
JackyJax · 15/04/2011 10:52

Wow you guys are harsh. Obviously a lot of the man's complaints are exaggerated because it makes for more interesting reading but that aside, I think he has a point.

Women can become overly involved in the role of 'mother' and lose sight of the role of wife/partner. When my husband comes home from work what he really needs is to be greeted by freshly washed children who bid him good night as I take them up to bed. He could then have half an hour of wind down time then I could make dinner after putting the children to bed. Then we could sit together and talk about our days. My husband works really hard and I know he'd love this sort of evening.

Instead he arrives home to something approaching bedlam. The children try to ride him like a horse, I ask him how his day was whilst walking out to fetch another load of laundry. Then the two children and I all talk at him- yabber, yabber, yabber- before he's got his coat off. There then follows the nightly ritual of bath, stories, etc by which time I stagger downstairs, set the timer on the microwave and collapse on the sofa for 5 mins before springing up again to make sandwiches for the next day, sort out uniforms, tidy the kitchen, etc.

I don't think the man in the article is an arse, etc, etc, I think he expresses what a lot of men feel. I can see what my husband needs/would like but I'm too damn tired to play that role. Virtually everything I do revolves around the children and I can see why husbands feel ignored.

Although the man made his point a bit too strongly, it was a point worth making. After all, be honest, don't you devote far more energy/time/love towards your children than your husband?

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 15/04/2011 10:57

Well, yes, Jacky. Because my husband is an adult who doesn't need to be 'looked after'.

Why do some couples infantise the man so much?

sungirltan · 15/04/2011 11:04

ha ha he's punching well above his weight. he should count his blessings nad get on with it!

bleedingstill · 15/04/2011 11:10

He's expresssing what many men feel

MissEmilyPosts · 15/04/2011 11:10

YABU only because you are still reading the Daily Mail. We must break this cycle of reading the paper, getting wound up, and then posting non ironically about how outrageous that rag is.

It's crappy newspaper. Avert your eyes.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 15/04/2011 11:19

I do think that if even half what this wretched man says is true, his mother does bear a percentage of the blame. IF she really did tell him that she would save her partner before her child, that is the sort of thing that does damage to a kid and is likely to make them grow up whiny and self-obsessed because they feel that they will get nothing unless they whine and fuss and snatch for it.
However, the stupid fuck is now perpetuating the damage into the next generation. His poor, poor children. WHile they might well have been aware that their dad resented them and was selfish, having the fact immortalised in print along with photos of them and their names - that must be pretty much unbearable for them.

Ormirian · 15/04/2011 16:01

I am not sure the fact that he's expressing what many men feel is in the slightest bit relevant. Many men might like to be greeted with a beer, a blow job and foot on the tv but I suspect if they expresse that wish seriously in the national media everyone would call them self-centred tossers.

When you have kids they come first. Most adults recognise that and accept it hang in there for the long haul trusting things will improve. Mind you, I can see why he wants his babying now. Nothing more of a turn-off than a needy whinger so I reckon she'll be shot of him long before things start to vet better.

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 15/04/2011 16:36

His mum told him she would let him drown to save his dad cos he asked her such a stupid question.

If one of my kids asked me which one I would save I would tell them the other one then give them a clip round the ear for asking such a question

strandedbear · 15/04/2011 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flippintired · 15/04/2011 16:43

Any man, infact any woman who is told by their mother that they would be left to die in preference of the other parent will have a really fucked up sense of self worth.
Poor bugger, what an arse his mother was. I feel sorry for him. I also cannot understand how someone as physically unattractive as him has managed to bag a decent looking wife. Must be his other 'attributes'

flippintired · 15/04/2011 16:46

I remember asking my oh if he would give his own life for his new infant son. He said he wouldn'tShock . He thought himself more important than his baby. he denies it now, but I remember, how could I forget something that horrific?
I just thought "well I'd kill you first so that would be the decision made".

DuelingFanjo · 15/04/2011 16:53

it's odd because in earlier blogs he says "Then I met my wife, and suddenly a new purpose was born. She already had her daughter. My purpose would be to provide for them. And when our sons came along, I would provide for them, too. They were my responsibility. My purpose. The reason why I was put on the planet."

and

"I don?t need to tell you they are what gives both me and my wife purpose. The reason she works so hard; the reason I iron their pants and pyjamas. Just look at their faces. That?s enough."

I recon he's just trying to make a buck where he can. He looks utterly miserable in the pictures.

he looks happier here

maybe he's just suffering like many sahm's do when their contribution is ignored.

he just seems to hate the fact he's not the breadwinner anymore:

"?Why did you have kids if you resent them so much??
Do I resent them? I never did before, when I was working. I always felt they gave me purpose: they were the reason I worked.
But since my wife and I swapped roles when she went back to an office job because I couldn?t find suitable employment, my purpose is less clear. Now my wife pays for everything we have, everything we wear, everything we eat and drink, even the tiles on the roof over our heads. Like a logistics supervisor, I just manage it all." here

DuelingFanjo · 15/04/2011 16:55

and his wfe writes about her life too

DuelingFanjo · 15/04/2011 16:59

ok, look

if you look at the picture here (miserable face) and compare it to the picture here (scroll down - happy face) it's all just pants really, just another sad hack.

DuelingFanjo · 15/04/2011 17:02

he used to be the editor of loaded go figure.

anonacfr · 15/04/2011 17:04

"?Why did you have kids if you resent them so much??
Do I resent them? I never did before, when I was working. I always felt they gave me purpose: they were the reason I worked.
But since my wife and I swapped roles when she went back to an office job because I couldn?t find suitable employment, my purpose is less clear. Now my wife pays for everything we have, everything we wear, everything we eat and drink, even the tiles on the roof over our heads. Like a logistics supervisor, I just manage it all."

Boo fucking hoo. I just hate the way men think their penis will drop off if they're not the breadwinner.
Who gives a shit where the money comes from? He should count himself lucky that his wife is employed and that their children are healthy.

Ormirian · 15/04/2011 17:14

I've been the main earner for yonks. Since we first moved in together in fact. DH still has a fully functioning penis I am happy to state.

I feel sorry for him that his mum said something so unkind. I don't understand her sentiments but most of all I fail to understand how she thought it was OK to express them to her child. However he is a grown-up so should at least try to get over his issues, or at least show some shame over them.

Oobis · 15/04/2011 17:26

I think it's sad that he never considered helping his wife with the children when he got home from work, to allow her time to rest and then perhaps spend some time with him afterwards. Or getting a babysitter and taking her out. What a selfish, unimaginative and unreasonable man.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 15/04/2011 17:42

He really needs to grow up - or he will lose wife, family, everything.

ilythia · 15/04/2011 20:02

Message deleted due to excessive swearing

Ormirian · 15/04/2011 20:10

Lol ilythia Grin

Georgimama · 15/04/2011 20:24

Even the DM comments section thinks he is a sad whiny loser. Which says it all really (obviously there are a few randoms blaming "wimmin" for emasculating men to this point and recommending a Thai bride instead of one of these English harridans, but I'm sure the editors write those).

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 15/04/2011 20:46

Indeed, I'm sure many men would like to have someone around who cares exclusively for him, who cleans the house, cooks him food, looks after the children and then spends the evening entertaining him and sexually pleasuring him, making him the centre of her post-child-bedtime world.

The problems arise when it's assumed that men have the right to have these wished fulfilled, and that a women should be available to fulfil them.

I would love to have these wishes fulfilled too, but since I don't live in a fantasy world, I'm not holding my breath!

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 15/04/2011 22:11

One of the reasons Why Feminism Happened is that it used to be considered OK and normal for men to expect women to exist for their benefit and to prioritize the man over the children.

Amateurish · 15/04/2011 22:30

His blog is nothing like the article. Just DM lies as per.