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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DSs clothes away

51 replies

PossetFeatures · 14/04/2011 09:38

DP and I have a 10 week old son. DP has an older sister and younger brother. BIL is expecting a baby later on this year with his (very casual) girlfriend. I like DB a lot, and like his girlfriend, although I have only met her on a handful of occasions.

Was round SIL house the other day, and we were talking about BIL having this baby. SIL then said, "well, you and DP can give BIL all DSs clothes when you've done with them, help em out and all that".

BIL and girlfriend don't have much money (BIL isn't working at the moment). However, I'm not sure I want to just give all of DSs clothes away, as I saved up to buy him lots of lovely clothes (spanning from newborn up to a year old) whilst I was pg, (we're not exactly rolling in it) and also DP and I want to try for another baby early next year, so would really want the clothes again, regardless of what sex baby we may have. I have thought about lending them to BIL, but he's VERY unreliable, and isn't planning on living with girlfriend when baby is born, so I prob wouldn't end up getting everything back... and isn't it extremely anal to hand them over, with detailed list of all clothes given? Confused.

If DS was our last planned baby, then i'd be fine to give them to BIL. Also, it's not the lending of the clothes per se that I have a problem with, as a friend of mine is also having a baby soon and i've offered to lend her anything she needs (as it happens, she's declined my offer). I just don't reckon i'd get them back from BIL and girlfriend, and it would make me inwardly seething if I didn't/the got ruined, but would like to help them out in some way...

Am I being an unreasonable tight-arse, or do I have grounds to feel this way? Confused - geniunely don't know!!

Have to pop out, but will be back soon to read your opinions!

OP posts:
CharlotteBronteSaurus · 14/04/2011 09:41

YANBU
i have learnt the hard way not to lend what i can't afford to give.

soozlewoozle · 14/04/2011 09:41

YANBU i feel exactly the same about my dd's baby clothes :)

thehairybabysmum · 14/04/2011 09:42

No YANBU, when the time comes you will probably be happy to give a few bits away to them but keep your best/favourite outfits for your own later children.

justpaddling · 14/04/2011 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goblinchild · 14/04/2011 09:43

Don't lend stuff you are going to want back. Buy them some nice things for their baby as a generous act, but it will just make you irritated if your carefully chosen selection comes back stained and mangled or not at all.
You can give them away when your family is complete.

Maryz · 14/04/2011 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAPJJLPJ · 14/04/2011 09:45

There have been many many threads on here with Ops like yours - except they did lend the clothes/baby stuff and either didn't get it back or was ruined. Please please don't lend anything unless you don't want it back. Save the stuff that you wont use again (i.e stained babygrows that have lots of wear but ones that you personally wont use again) and give those instead,

supadupacreameggscupa · 14/04/2011 09:45

i would keep the lot, if you are planning on having more children, it is reasonable to do this.

they can pick up bundles of cheap clothes or free from local buy,sell,swap facebook pages, freecycle or NCT sales, which people have finished with.

YADNBU

gorionine · 14/04/2011 09:45

Mmh , not surereally, I have been passed on a lot of things for DD1 and do the same now as well. The only clothes I do not give are the ones that were knitted by my mum because I am too emotionally attached to them, anything else goes when too small.

Are you planning to sell the clothes on ebay or just keep them forever?

Whelk · 14/04/2011 09:47

YANU at all if you are planning to have more children
IME things either don't come back or come back battered and worn.

PalomaBronzada · 14/04/2011 09:48

YANBU I expect that you feel that your hand's being forced too,if your SIL has taken it as a given that you'll eagerly hand everything over.

BikeRunSki · 14/04/2011 09:50

Keep them! Your clothes and quite reasonable to expect another child. Share you hints and tips of keeping baby budget down instead - point them in the direction of good sales, NCT Nearly NEw Sales, Ebay etc.

I had a September boy. I kept most of his stuff - I selectively gave away the stuff that was quite nice, but I didn't like - now excepting an October baby, so the seasons will be fine. If DC2 is a girl, well so be it, there will be plenty of stuff I can use again as I really tried to avoid "Blue with cars on" clothes.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 14/04/2011 09:52

I've said to dh many times that until we are sure we don't want any more children, no one is getting their hands on any of ds's stuff. It's cost me a fortune and I don't want to spend all that money again until I need to!

thefirstMrsDeVere · 14/04/2011 09:53

YANBU. You dont have to do it.
You can give them stuff you are not too bothered about and buy them some clothes as a gift if you want.
Its not up to you to dress their child unless you want to.

If you were going to give the clothes to charity anyway and still didnt want to give them to BIL then you would be UR.

But you want to keep them for your next DC and you are not ready to give them away.

stealthsquirrelsawaytheeggs · 14/04/2011 09:57

YANBU at all. we are, as it were, done with babies, but I am still reluctant to lend / give stuff - or at least I am very picky about who I lend to. Baby clothes and assorted equipment currently with a very good friend who I trust implicitly and who understands completely that I want it back even though I have no use for it Blush

I am currently regretting lending to SIL some lovely stuff which friend's baby could be having soon, but which SIL hasn't returned Sad

FanillaFudge · 14/04/2011 09:57

YANBU.

I lent out all DS2's lovely baby clothes to my sister. I'm due DC3 any day now, and she has just handed me back a handful of the clothes I lent saying the rest were ruined so she chucked them.

Don't do it!

theresapotatoundermysink · 14/04/2011 10:00

I split my baby clothes into 3 piles. One bag for the charity shop, one for a friend who was about to have a baby and one bag of my favourite things to keep for the future. I'm not even planning to have another baby any time soon!

YADNBU. You don't have to give them anything. Put together a bag of clothes which you don't particularly like or didn't find that useful. Hand down anything else you think you won't need again. But if you want to keep it for the next baby, then do just that.

Is the baby even the same sex and born in the same season? If your baby was summer born and theirs is winter or vice versa then a lot of the clothes may not even be useful anyway!

crystalglasses · 14/04/2011 10:00

You are bound to getr clothes pased on to you. Just pass these ones on to your sil. I was very possessive of my dcs baby clothes. Quite frankly I just wanted to keep them for sentimental reasons and it took several years before I was ready to give them away.

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 14/04/2011 10:01

YANBU. I find it odd really....people "Lending" baby clothes and expecting them back...they don''t last!

Keep them all and buy her a nice present....my Aunty gave me a bigbasket of baby shampoo, soap, lotion, nail clippers, cotton wool etc...she had begun buying them as soon as I was PG and she had collected tonnes by the time DD was born. I never had to buy anything hardly!

potoftea · 14/04/2011 10:02

You should give them away if you are finished with them.

But you clearly aren't finished with them, you bought them to use for (hopefully) your 2 children, and that hasn't happened yet, so you aren't finished with them. Just say that if anyone asks.

stealthsquirrelsawaytheeggs · 14/04/2011 10:05

Nice clothes do last though - especially for tiny babies. Some of the stuff currently with my friend is on baby #4 and stilll looks fine.

Toddler stuff does get trashed (except for party dresses and the like) and the rate of passing things down will slow accordingly as friend's LO gets older (also I am less sentimentally attached to the not-little-baby stuff Grin)

Sirzy · 14/04/2011 10:11

Its up to you what you do with the clothes and nobody should force you.

Also depends on your relationship with them. My sister gave me all o her sons clothes for Ds on the proviso that when she had her next child (due any day now) I would pass them back to her. I have done with the extras I had aswell.

CrapBag · 14/04/2011 10:17

YANBU.

It is perfectly reasonable for you to want to keep them for any future children you may have. Don't let yourself be forced. Just buy them some nice bits if you want to help them out. Supermarkets do great clothes that are really good prices.

Scholes34 · 14/04/2011 10:24

Agree with Crystalglasses - you're bound to be given other clothes by people and there'll be plenty of stuff you're not keen to keep for whatever reason - bad fit, difficult to fasten, banana stain or you just don't like it. Also, you won't be the only person able to pass on clothes to SIL. If she's hard up, she'll happily seek out clothes from charity shops herself (I spent far too much time in charity shops and at jumble sales when mine were younger and ended up with far too much stuff) or she might even be the kind of person who'll turn her nose up at second hand clothes anyway and won't want yours. Either way, don't beat yourself up about it. Make a decision to keep what you want/need and don't mull over it any further.

NestaFiesta · 14/04/2011 10:48

Give them a couple of token outfits and keep the rest as you're trying for another baby. YANBU.