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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel bit of an idiot to even type this

32 replies

connectfour · 13/04/2011 18:59

I was not sure where to post this message.

I have discussed this problem with family and have been ignoring it for nearly a year. It is so pathetic and childish and I am annoyed at myself for wasting time thinking about it!

My DS (11) had BF until about year ago. They fell out and both moved on. They then made up but both have different friends now. I stopped speaking to the other mom because I found out she had been talking about me and DS to others (about the boys issue).

For nearly a year I feel as though the other mom has been stalking me. Every time I speak to someone new she will then go out to make friends with them. Each time my DS plays with a child, she will then invite same child to her house. I have always ignored it but cannot believe it is still continuing.

A parent (casual chit-chat) told me the other day that her and her friend had had a disagreement over their DS'S. When she went to resolve it with her friend, her friend told her she had over reacted and was probably because "I" had been poisioning her against her friend.

Apparently this had been said by my stalker. Suffice to say, the parent was stumped at this comment, and as she told her friend, we only chit chat, weather, hols etc.

I could list other things she has said and done but cant be bothered. I am however a bit concerned now as she does not seem to be giving up. I have started to avoid situations (even the local park) to avoid her.

Do I continue to ignore, do I say something to her?

OP posts:
mitochondria · 13/04/2011 19:01

Ignore. People like this thrive on drama. Don't give her the satisfaction.

Whatevs · 13/04/2011 19:03

She sounds mentally unstable. I would steer clear as far as possible and be polite but distant in her presence.

Flowerpotmummy · 13/04/2011 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

activate · 13/04/2011 19:03

will he be at the same secondary - parents have very little connection at secondary IME

YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 19:06

My advice? Stay away. I for one when i drop off and pick up my child at school will NOT be getting involved with any of the parents. Unless there is actual physical bodilty harm to my child i shall not be getting involved with their petty squabbles. This woman is unhinged. Find friends away from school.

YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 19:07

You are NOT an idiot. You are innocent. YADNBU!

PunkPixie · 13/04/2011 19:12

A year later and she still can't keep her mouth shut? Clearly the woman has had nothing else going on her life all year if you're still the hot topic of the moment. I'd have a word and tell her to stop talking about you. Especially since it's te reason you cut her out in the first place. Weirdo.

UrsulaBuffay · 13/04/2011 19:13

I really thought you meant your son had breastfed until a year ago at first ... been on MN far too much today!!

YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 19:15

UrsualBuffay is breast obsessed!

ohnoudidnt · 13/04/2011 19:15

Agree with mitochondria.Do not let her know this is bothering you.She is only a playground mum...not anything important to you is she? its your ds that matters and as long as he is fine....do not waste another second on this woman.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 13/04/2011 19:16

I thought you had been breastfeeding a 10 year old too :o

theglove · 13/04/2011 19:19

Yanbu, and it must be very frustrating.
However, she doesn't sound mad to me, but maybe insecure and worried that her DS might be criticised or left out?
I agree with flowerpotmummy that it would be nice to talk if possible and find out why she's like this.

Original poster
connectfour · 13/04/2011 19:28

My husband has wanted to go round her house on a few occasions but I have told him to say nothing and ignore.

Both our DS's will probably go to same secondary school.

This lady has also become friends now with a neighbour friend of mine. I dont know how that has happened, seems to have come out of the blue. I can't even ignore her at home. When I have the windows open, she stands in the street laughing at the top of her voice.

It's bizaare.

OP posts:
YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 19:32

When I have the windows open, she stands in the street laughing at the top of her voice.

It's bizaare.

My neighbour and i do not get on. For years she has tried to get involved with me and my family. When she realised she wasn't going to reeive a rundown of my everyday life she turned nasty. Complained about tiny things - ie - water from washing my car was on her driveway - about half a cup of. We live in terraced houses and our driveways are next to each other. She is a loner by choice, has one friend a neighbour on her side. The neighbour and i do not speak at all now and she stand/sits in hwer garden in the Summer laughing her head off all day. I was sure it was to anoy me but i realise it is the way she is and worrying, analysing feeling insulted by her will not change her.

I gnore her totally NO MATTER WHAT

Do this for long enough and she WILL get bored.

Your neifghtbour she has made friends with will come to her senses - sit back and watch the fallout and never ever pass comment about her to this neighbiour when it does happen.

nenevomito · 13/04/2011 19:33

You're not being an idiot and that sounds really creepy to be honest. I should imagine that its really unnerving though.

I wonder if it would be possible to get involved with something that has nothing to do with her to meet a different circle of friends? At least then you would have time away from anyone who has anything to do with her.

What a nutjob though!

YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 19:35

This friend of yours is a jealous, insecure bitch and wishes she was you. keep a diary from today, log every single thing. It will help you when you read it back and if you have to show evidence of her behaviour.

chocadoodle · 13/04/2011 19:36

I also thought you had been breast feeding your son until he was 10!

YANBU - But she sounds like someone who you could do without winding up, so keep away and ignore. If it is not affecting your son at all I wouldn't bother addressing it. I wouldn't share my thoughts about her with any of the other mums either, in case she's waiting for a reason for confrontation.

pinkstripes · 13/04/2011 19:38

Omg i am in exactly the same situation with my
next door neighbour. She be-friends anyone she
sees me talking too & invites ds's friends into her
house bribing them with ice cream & leaves ds outside
alone. She then started to bully/ stalk my ds on his way
home from school by walking behind him calling him
names.

worraliberty · 13/04/2011 19:44

I read the OP has you Breastfed your DS (11) until about a year ago Blush

YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 19:56

You say you feel an idioyt to type this as you cannot believe thisis happening to you. it is something that you feel people would find hard to believe also in real life. It is affecting you. It is happening. You are not imagining this. This woman needs to be totally ignored. Punch some pillows or go to an exercise class and get it out.

Original poster
connectfour · 13/04/2011 20:01

Hi

It appears that I am not on my own and there are a few people like her about!

I had a wonderful friend up until six months ago, She allowed this stalker woman to come between us. The stalker made friends with my friend and created a rift. We are ok now but our friendship can never recover fully. I felt such diappointment at how my friend was manipulated by this other lady against me.

I will take your advice and continue to ignore (only other option is to move to other end of country!!)

I do have another circle of friends so hopefully she will not find a way to get involved.
Thanks

OP posts:
fastedwina · 13/04/2011 20:16

she could be a total nut - had a neighbour like this and turned out she was causing all kinds of havoc for the school, neighbours, playgroups - she became a bit infamous and obviously had some real problems. Do not doubt yourself but I'd ignore and not let her see that she bothers you. I worried that she was talking about me to others etc as well - but trust that others will see her for what she is.

fastedwina · 13/04/2011 20:19

actually that all sounds too easy as this kind of thing can really get to you and have you start doubting yourself and being paranoid - as it did me a little. I also had to have a word with the police and SS about her so didn't quite ignore her poison tongue and just let it roll off my back. So YANBU for worrying and letting it get to you - you are human - just depends how you deal with it from now on.

pinkstripes · 13/04/2011 20:33

connectfour you really have my sympathy , does she live on your street ?
In my case we have put our house up for sale and plan to get as far away from loony neighbour as possible . IMO there is only so much of ignoring anyone can do before it starts to get in on you . Your ex-friends sounds very like my neighbour i really do wonder if we are talking about the same person .

YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 20:55

OP - please keep a diary of wierd unwanted nutty behaviour/events.