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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry about this comment?

41 replies

flippintired · 12/04/2011 20:16

Today I went on an outing with a friend. I took 5 of my 6 ( age 11 to 4) children, she took her 3 children. She also invited along another friend of hers. I have never met her before and she had her 1 child ( age 4) and her husband.
We all seemed to have a jolly day on the beach, all the children playing. I tried to make conversation with the other women. She was polite but pretty frosty and didn't seem interested in talking to me. Didn't bother me in the slightest.
As we got back to the car park other woman and husband said goodbyes and went off. My friend came back to my house for a cuppa.
Now my friend started talking about not being sure whether inviting her other friend was the right thing to do. This woman has one child despite having tried for another has not been successful. She is now 44 so it looks unlikely. And she wants to adopt.
I asked why she thought it was a mistake.
So my friend tells me that the other couple had bumped into her husband later that afternoon ( he had phoned her) and had referred to me as someone
" who obviously couldn't keep her legs shut"

My friend was concerned her friend had been disturbed and upset by being around me because I have lots of children. Like I have ffing done something wrong and am somehow responsible for this woman's feelings.

I said that was a particulary bitchy and unpleasant comment to make. That this woman obviously felt hurt and angry that she couldn't have any more and somehow that made me too lazy to stop having children?
I pointed out that each one of my 6 was as dearly wanted as any children could be. I had endured many miscarriages and much heartache to get what I have.
I also pointed out that starting to try for a family at 40 (as this woman had done) was pretty risky.
As the evening has worn on I'm more and more pissed off with this bloody woman.
How dare anyone assume I have 6 kids because I couldn't be arsed to reduce the number I do have.
I
f she were here now I'd give a piece of my mind. As it happens It is unlikely that I will ever see her again.
It shouldn't bother me,her comment but it does.

Sorry needed to vent

OP posts:
moondog · 12/04/2011 20:18

Why in God's name did your other friend fell the need to pass this on???

What an idiot.

LaurieFairyCake · 12/04/2011 20:18

Try not to - she has ishoos - try and feel sorry for her

vent all you want, this is t'internet - you're not auditioning for sainthood

magicmelons · 12/04/2011 20:19

YANBU, how bloody rude. Ignore her.

GypsyMoth · 12/04/2011 20:19

dot blame you one little bit!!!

nasty woman

suzikettles · 12/04/2011 20:19

It was a nasty thing to say, but your friend sounds pretty unpleasant too gossiping about her friend's fertility and passing on that sort of comment to you.

chaya5738 · 12/04/2011 20:19

TBH, I would be pissed of at your friend. I HATE it when people pass on nasty comments that other people have said about it. We all say things about other people in passing that we wouldn't want them to hear. It is nasty of your friend to pass it on. Especially since when comments get passed on they are often taken out of context or miss the tone.

sprinkles77 · 12/04/2011 20:20

Bitchy comment indeed! What do you suppose your friend thought?

PunkPixie · 12/04/2011 20:20

YANBU!!! She feels inferior and attacking you made her feel better about herself. I get that. I'm about to have our 4th kid in 4 years and the random comments I get are staggering. A few people have even asked me when I'm going to get steriised! I'm like, "Do you want to know if I swallow too?!"

I'd leave her out of future outings if I were you. Shame since her LO misses out on making new friends with her being that way.

chaya5738 · 12/04/2011 20:21

What I meant to say was that I hate it when people pass on nasty comments that other people have said about me. They are usually passed on in order to upset or put a wedge between people. So I usually get annoyed at the person passing it on rather than the person who said it.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 12/04/2011 20:24

Nasty thing to say, nasty friend for passing it on. Uneccessary.

Goblinchild · 12/04/2011 20:25

She's dumped her misery and bitterness on you, and your friend passed it on.
Not worth bothering about, there are always going to be judgy people around who think you have 6 by accident, and unhappy people who wish they had half of what you've got.
Poor sad woman.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 12/04/2011 20:25

What Moondog said, what on Earth does she think she would achieve by it?

Any friend worth their salt would keep schtum and just not invite you and the other woman out together again, FGS!

TheCrackFox · 12/04/2011 20:27

They sound as horrible as each other.

Ooopsadaisy · 12/04/2011 20:30

You deserve better friends.

LostBoyz · 12/04/2011 20:32

What an absolutely foul thing to say. They both sound like complete bitches.

squeakytoy · 12/04/2011 20:33

I would be more annoyed at your supposed friend for not knowing when to use tact and keep her gob shut.

It could have been said in jest along the lines of "do they not have a telly in their house"..

You dont know exactly how it was said, and lets be fair here, six children is a lot more than the average family have, so it is doubtless one of the first things that gets commented on, or the first time something along the same lines has been said.

Original poster
flippintired · 12/04/2011 20:34

Thanks I feel better.
Yes Moondog and all those who think it's a bit dodgy that my friend felt the need to pass this charming nugget of information back to me. Why would she do that? To what end?
I do like my friend, she is a relatively new one. another mum at school. I have know her for a year. It's hard when you have this many kids to find someone who is relaxed enough to go out with us all and not feel totally overwhelmed by them all, plus some of our children are good friends.
However, she does gossip about another good friend of hers, a lot. I know all about this woman's personal life. It makes me very uncomfortable, mainly because I know she will be doing the same about me. I try to keep my private life out of our friendship so she hasn't got too much to talk about, but I've no doubt she will find stuff. it's a shame as I would like to be able to share things with a friend but I don't trust her tbh.

OP posts:
thefirstmrsrochester · 12/04/2011 20:35

What a nasty cow & how insensitive of this "friend" to make you aware of this comment.
You and your dc had a lovely day at the beach - dont give this drivel any more head space.

blueeyedmonster · 12/04/2011 20:35

That was a really bitchy comment to amke from someone who is obviously jealous of you. Ignore her.

As for your friend she should have kept her mouth shut and said nothing to you. Why she thought that might be a good idea I don't know!

Mamazonhereggsclucking · 12/04/2011 20:35

yes your friend is out of order for telling you. she herself should have told the other woman that such a comment was rud and offensive, passing it on should have been the last thing she did.

blueeyedmonster · 12/04/2011 20:35

make not amke

TheCrackFox · 12/04/2011 20:36

If she gossips about her friends then she is also gossiping about you. TBH I would downgrade this friendship.

littleshamrock · 12/04/2011 20:37

If this comment was made to your husband then she was extremely rude. However, going through the process of TTC and failing every month ( which I am at the moment at a much younger stage) to be honest can turn you into a very jealous twisted person as much as you try to avoid it. In all honesty, I have had thoughts like that at my very worst but would NEVER go ahead and say something like that. To come out and say something like that is dreadful.

YouaretooniceNOT · 12/04/2011 20:38

The friend that told you is the bitch!!!!!

You feel bad - that is what she wanted IMO whether she was conscious of it or not.

YOU do NOT have to say that you had miscarriages and heartache in order to justify your family. Maybe this bitch friend is jealous also!

Just how i see it! x

hairfullofsnakes · 12/04/2011 20:39

Did you friend not tell her that what she said was bloody well out of order? If not, she should have done! How horrible - and what a nasty cow she is for saying such a stuoid thing.

I know it is hard to forget - maybe your 'friend' should tell her how awful that comment was?