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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel very saddened about a poor 15 year old in the children's ward at the weekend.

71 replies

GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 12:22

DD had appendicitis and had it out on Friday night, so spent all weekend in hospital. She is fine now and came out yesterday afternoon bless her.

She was in a ward of 3 kids, I stayed with her all 3 nights (on the most uncomfortable chair known to western civilisation) and the girl next to us had her mum stay with her as well. Both 15.

Another 15 year old came in another bed late Saturday night, with a broken femur and shattered kneecap. She had no adult with her. Overheard the doctor on Sunday morning - basically she got the injury after arguing with her mum about doing the dishes, and her mother pushed her down the stairs. The doc and nurses were asking about her life at home, it sounded awful, basically her mum spent a lot of time abroad, and her dad looked after her some of the time, but for the most part she was on her own. The docs were getting social services involved.

When the docs went we were discharged, we had a load of sweets, food and mags left over so I gave them to the girl. She was sat there in her bed all tearstained, and looked like the saddest sight. It was heartbreaking.

Just felt so sad comparing DD and the other girl in the ward, who had someone with them at all times, and this poor girl who was in a lot of pain and on her own.

I don't want to sound like a smug twat, and of course there may well be a lot more to this story than what I heard, just so sad that some kids have such miserable lives.

OP posts:
Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 14:21

Queenof - that is awful, you must have been so torn and must have fretted all night. How bloody selfish of your ex Angry

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 11/04/2011 14:29

Can we not bash parents who do leave their children in hospital please. It isn't always straight forward and sometimes there isn't a choice - doesn't make people bad parents and I don't think that was the point of the thread in the first place.

Glad your DD is getting better GetOrf and you sound like you've succeeded against the odds, Its awful that children are even put in that position in the first place.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 14:31

No - cannot imagine how difficult it is when you have more than one child and one of them is in hospital.

I was talking to my MIL about it - when her youngest son was born, a day later one of her other children broke his leg, she had the nightmare of having to leave the broken leg child as she could not take a nursing baby in the children's ward. She says she still feels awful about it over 40 years later.

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GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 11/04/2011 14:40

I had to leave DD (16) alone for two nights in hospital due to having DD2 at home and DH away working, although we visited when allowed and sat there for hours in the day - I agree, children's wards are not fun places. There was a baby in there who was always alone - only the nurses ever looked after him and he had no visitors ever. It was heartbreaking, even though I don't know the circumstances - he was about 9 months old, but there was always a nurse there making a fuss of him. Poor wee thing.

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 11/04/2011 15:15

Oh great GOML! Being able to watch DVDs should really help her...poor kid.

Happy your DD is getting better!

I think I'll give our portable DVD to our hospita;s kids ward if they are allowed to accept it....maybe then they can keep it for kids like this one.

agedknees · 11/04/2011 15:28

Nothing to do with the thread really, but a few years ago at Christmas my dd was working at a well known electrical retailers.

A man walked in and bought 4 ds's. My dd making conversation said someones children are lucky. The man replied he was buying them for the childrens ward in the local hospital.

Just thought what a lovely man (whoever he was) is.

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 11/04/2011 15:32

Oh nice agedknees! My DH's boss does things like this....he bought the local toddler group a load of things recently...and he does a big easter egg delivery at easter to the hospital...some people who have plenty of cash really take pleasure in sharing it.

bellavita · 11/04/2011 15:39

It is heartbreaking Sad

I remember when DS1 had a two hernias done when he was about 3 months old. The little boy in the next bed was left all alone Sad he was about 5 or 6 years old, he just cried all the time. When DS was asleep, I went and sat with him.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 11/04/2011 15:45

Dropping off the DVD player, some sweets and some toiletries is a lovely idea.

Could you/the staff couch it some way though? Say one of your relatives had got them for TeenGOML not realising she'd been discharged, and seeing as she didn't need them, wondered if TeenGOML's wardmate might make use of them instead? Or would that be clumsy? Confused

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 15:47

yes Jenai- I was going to do that anyway, didn't want to go in there like some charitable lady Bountiful, and tbh even if they let me I wouldn't want to embarrass the poor girl into having to feel grateful. I will just say that these were dd's toiletries which her gran bought over, which she has no further need of.

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frantic51 · 11/04/2011 15:55

GOML this is so sad, poor little girl! How kind of you to think of going back and taking her some treats. I hope that SS will sort something out for her.

Sorry to go, kind of, off topic, but I notice there are a few children's nurses around...

Last year I had to take my DD1 in for a small op. Just a day case but she had been told that there was a slight risk that one of her main facial nerves might be damaged and it was her first experience of hospital, so she was very scared. Because she was two weeks past her 18th birthday, I was not allowed to go through to the ward with her even though she was close to tears and asking, "please can I have my mum with me?"

There was another girl there with her mum, having a much more routine procedure who was apparently unconcerned, laughing and joking etc. but because she was 6 weeks short of her 18th birthday, her mum was allowed to go through to the ward with her.

Why do hospitals enforce the 18 rule? As GOML says they are still babies to us, however old they may be, and who's to say anyone is more able to cope with these situations just because they are a couple of months older?

Sorry to hi-jack! Buggering off now! Blush

queenoffairies · 11/04/2011 16:57

Bella, on our children's ward, you aren't allowed to go and sit with kids who aren't yoursSad

Glad your DD is feeling better GOMLSmile

bellavita · 11/04/2011 16:59

Queen, this was a long time ago now, so rules have probably changed Sad

kittya · 11/04/2011 17:27

If you are going to drop the bits in please do it soon before the nurses forget you!!! They see that many people. Why don't you write her a quick note if you can't speak to her? Her mum may have actually been in by now, with some bits. I hope so.

Sirzy · 11/04/2011 20:43

What a sad situation for the child in the OP :( Its awful when a child doesn't have someone close to them there when they are ill, even if just for a few hours a day if other commitments makes staying over impossible.

Thinnigella that certainly isn't the case on our local childrens ward, they care for the child and for the parents - without the support of the staff in there some tough times on the ward would have been so much worse.

separated · 11/04/2011 21:00

Let us know how it went GOML.
You have made me want to do something benevolent now. I won't just think about it.

PoledrathePissedOffFairy · 11/04/2011 21:13

God, that's sad, GetOrf. You just want o gather them up and take them home, don't you? I had my appendix out when I was 33, and not even DH being there was as good as when my mum came in (from the flight she had jumped on at the first opportunity!) and held my hand and chatted about nothing to me Blush In my defence, I was 31 weeks pg at the time too.

Hope your DD's better soon. As for your description of her as "mad - she wants to play in a football tournament this week" - well, genes will out and someone round here tried to lift a 6ft teenager after abdominal surgery..............

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 12/04/2011 10:16

Well, I went to the hospital last night, talked to the nurse to find out she had been discharged (or transferred) earlier that evening Sad. I didn't get there til gone 8 (I had left the boot open on my car and the light was left on all day, so the battery was flat and I had to call out breakdown, it took bloody ages)

She thought it was a kind idea as she said that she was a very troubled girl, but obviously she couldn't say anymore than that but she did say she was being 'looked after' whatever that means. The nurse was lovely actually, I thought she would look at me as some kind of loon.

I left the DVD player thingy but she said that they couldn't just let it be used, it would have to be PAT tested by maintenance. But she was thankful and said it was kind.

Poor poor kid. I do hope she is OK. I wish I had spoken to her a bit more in the ward, but she was monosyllabic (so would I have been tbh) and just looked like she wanted to be left alone. I didn't even know her name, just knew the number of her bed Sad

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cyrilsneer · 12/04/2011 16:30

How are things GOML?

How are you? How's your DD? How's the poor 15 year old girl?

It's completely understandable that being around all of this has stirred up old emotions for you.. Hope you're ok?

cyrilsneer · 12/04/2011 16:38

Sorry - posted before I realised you'd updated earlier today.

I feel for you as well as that poor girl. It's clearly been very upsetting.

I know that my own shoulders are not broad enough to cope with all the problems of all the children in the world but sometimes you feel so helpless, don't you.

Hopefully "being looked after" might mean that she's been taken into care? Hopefully "being looked after" properly by some decent people?

I guess you just have to allow that this has been very sad and emotional and difficult experience... Hope your DD makes a good recovery GOML.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 12/04/2011 16:46

Thanks Cyril, that's so kind of you.

Yes I do hope she is OK - the way the nurse was speaking makes me think that there has been some intervention.

DD is getting a lot better - she is up and about now and wants to play football tomorrow (and is annoyed with me because I won't let her).

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